I feel like my life is rapidly changing. It all started when i met my boyfriend. I started staying out later with him and i sneak around just to see him. My Mom is passively homophobic meaning that she says she is okay with me being gay, but she doesn't trust gay people and she doesn't want me to be in a relationship. She knows about my boyfriend, but whenever i want to hang out with him she stops me or only lets me see him for an hour or two, so i have started lying about where i am going and not telling her when i am coming home. I hate being at home, because i feel isolated from the world. I feel like my very existence has become a taboo. Whenever i try to talk to my mom about what is going on in my life she doesn't have time to deal with me. My dad has started ignoring me completely unless it is to make an off color joke at my expense. My brother doesn't know about my boyfriend and i don't feel like he would understand and i worry it might make things weird between the two of us. I'm losing friends fast. Several of my friends found out about my boyfriend and now things are weird between us and i'm not sure if were friends anymore. And i am still hiding in the closet from several of my other friends for risk of losing them too. I feel like i only have two real friends left, but they can rarely talk so i feel lonely constantly. And the only time i am happy anymore seems to be when i am hanging out with my boyfriend.
You're going to have to start building up your support network. Your two main friends? Tell them you need to talk, set up a time and place to talk to them, and tell them what you told us. Your "growing distant" friends? Try to hold on to them if you can. Chat with them more, avoiding the topic of the boyfriend if you think that'd weird them out some. Your boyfriend? Thank him for sticking by you. You might let him know all the crap that's going on. Your parents? That one's tougher. If you feel your mother getting "passive" on you, feel free to call her on it. Explain that your boyfriend is just like you - just another gay guy - and she has nothing to fear from hgim. Your father? Enh, it's up to you on that front. I'd work on the other things first before tackling that issue. Lex
