So yeah, I'm pretty much out to all my friends, and anyone who asks so long as they're not family or close to my family members. Also, I've been thinking recently about coming out to my mom. You see, out of both of my parents, my mom's pretty open and accepting, where my dad is the kind of hard-right homophobe. I mean, he's a nice guy and a good father, it's just I have a feeling the news would cause an unpredictable reaction with him. So I figured I'd just come out to my mom for now and tell him later. However, I had been seeing a therapist for a few weeks (my mom felt that because I stay in my room a lot and don't really talk about my feelings that I was suppressing things, so she set me up for a few weeks of seeing a therapist), and I had brought up my sexuality to him and my plans to maybe come out to my mom. However, he said that by coming out to one parent, while it may seem like a good idea, when the other finds out they'll be a lot more hurt and angry that I was keeping it from them, and that it's best to just wait until I feel comfortable coming out to both. I mean, I can wait to come out to both, but if I can come out to my mom without that later blowing up in my face, I would kind of like to.
Honestly, I think it's better to do them separately, but within a short window of time. For me, I came out to my dad, then to my mom a couple hours later. Allows it to be more personal, while making sure one doesn't feel more left out than the other.
If you are going to come out to both, you could consider doing it with your therapist there. You have to do what feels good to you. There is risk of a parent feeling left out and hurt for not being told right away, but that really depends on your Dad's personality. Maybe talk to your Mom first and then, as suggested above, come out to your Dad with your Mom's help.
I like that idea! Your dad is less likely to make a scene in front of the therapist. It would also feel less like "going into the lion's den" alone. Your therapist could also help field questions from your parents about homosexuality.
This right here is the reason your therapist is wrong. If your dad is a homophobe, it's better to lay low and wait until you're older (at least a legal adult) to minimize potential consequences. But you should tell your mom.
I would say tell the parent who you feel the most comfortable telling first... I told my mum and I still haven't told my dad because he is completely homophobic and just wouldn't accept me, even my mum told me not to tell him. To be honest I think it would be better him never knowing but I don't really know your situation. All I will suggest is just take your time and tell them when you are ready, no need to rush! .
Well, it seems telling them separately has worked out for several of you. Or at least, maybe I'll tell my mom and then have her help me tell my dad. Hmm, that could also work too. I mean, I only had to see him for a few weeks, but he gave me his card and said I could call anytime. Also he said that if I wanted, he would recommend me to counselors that specialize more in LGBT issues, so I suppose that's an idea. Hmm, I hadn't even considered that. Though maybe I could just come out to them then set up an appointment. Eh, I dunno, I guess I could think it over.
Either way, I would say a safety net is a good idea. If it's the therapist or your Mom being warned before hand. That way it doesn't get too rough for you.
Perhaps it'd be worth considering telling your mum and ask her on what to do in regards to your dad? It's likely she'll be able to guess his reaction better than you. Also you need to know that if you do tell him and he kicks off, you're mum has your back. If this isn't the case then perhaps it's best to wait until you are independent from the financially. But for some people the wait is just too much and they need to tell them regardless of the reaction. Do what you feel is right. Good luck x
I came out to both my parents at the same time and it went ok. If possible I recommend having a close friend that already knows "on call" in case you need to go decompress afterward.
