Hello, I am new to this forum and am seeking advice on coming out to my parents. This will be kinda long and don't mind the tangent stuff, it is my way of jotting down information so you guys get the whole picture. First you would need to know my background. I am chinese and the youngest of four. I have been aware of my sexuality since I was five, but accepted it a few years ago. I came out to one of my cousins like 2-3 years ago and she was totally cool with it and even offered me to stay at her place when I needed to. (I have going through a rough time with my father back time). Now to my parents. I live with my dad and stepmom. My dad is pro-chinese on everything. From politics to sports. Also, I would constantly hear from them everyday to get marry to some chinese woman and have babies. The very idea of babies scares the living shit out of me. He is so close-minded about everything. Like his peers, he like to brag about his children and when other people talk abkut their children getting marry, he would always go up to me and ask if i have a girlfriend. I tend to shrug it off, but i feel like shrugging it off wont work in the near future. Also my dad would say some nasty stuff about a feminate man if he was to see one. When I was a kid, he would tell me not to grow up to be gay. So I have it built in me that he is not supportive. He is not even supportive about my intended college major. I will be doing chemistry and environmental science, stuff that I love and die for. Instead, he tells me that if I am doing science I should become a doctor or I should do business or some shit. it's so frustrating to not have a say in my house. Some mornings, I would just wake up feeling sad about conflicting thoughts. He and my stepmom would say how much they love me, but then at the same time, I think that if they know that I M gay, then they would disown me without hesitating.
Why hello there! I'm also new to the forums, reading this I hope any advice I give to you can help! I'm also Asian, so I understand and know quite a bit of what you're going through. I think it is fantastic you're studying something you truly love and I commend you on that. I know many people who graduated with majors/degrees in areas where they have no interest (Doctors, Engineers, the list goes on) because of the pressure their families have placed onto them. Stick to what you love to learn and the area of study because regardless of what happens, you'll be in a career that you will love and look forward to. You will never regret it! When you said you woke up feeling sad, I really do advise you to seek some help, like a telephone counsellor. On the topic of coming out, it's different for everyone and I can't really give you much advice about that. Regardless of what parents say, they will always love you as it is also "in-built", no matter the harsh things they say. For your situation, weigh out the pros and cons of coming out to your family. Good luck! Hope the best for your future!
Hi, Your health and well being are paramount. You do not say where you are or if you live in a gay tolerant place. I only ask because if you told your parents and they were upset and asked you to leave their house and stopped financially supporting you and your education, where you are living becomes important. I am not Asian but I have seen parents drive their children to be something they are not, or not accept something they don't want for their child. If you cannot support yourself but are close to that point (couple years until graduation) would it be wise to wait for that? If your parents are paying for your schooling that puts you at an extreme disadvantage. Waiting, albeit frustrating levels the playing field.
Hey I'm also asian but I'm a girl so I guess the situation is a little different. I'm not out yet and I don't plan on coming out until I know 100% that they wont disown me. I plan on telling them the day I introduce my girlfriend and that probably wont happen any time soon, I think you should just wait until you graduate and maybe when you move away from them. I don't know what your relationship with your parents are like but I don't think they need to. No one will get anything out of it, I know it sounds really harsh but its kind of the truth. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.
hey i'm asian too, and my situation is almost identical as yours. i also shrug off some questions regarding if i have any girlfriend. but my strategy as for now is to continue dropping hints here and there, fishing out some lgbtq issues whenever i have chats with my mum and dad, and see their reactions. as for now, it is not very good, and because i am still on their hold financially, i cant really risk anything. i would wait for a few years if it is possible, try to make myself more stable, mainly in financial sector, and then tell them the whole truth. apart from that, i am also planning to leave the place i am living now to somewhere abroad, where life might seems more accepting and more liberating. i dont know if this could help you in any ways, but i hope this gives you more perspective on what you could do. best of luck. cheers!
