Wow, i havent been active on this site in a while! and i do miss it. considering coming back, but been busy and shy. sorry. anyway, i started college as a freshman this august. in october i met a local guy and we dated quickly and kinda serious from the beginning. ever since ive stayed with him at a friends house that he rented a room from. in march he got an apartment and another friend was supposed to be his roomie. she decided she didnt and we discussed me moving in, since i stay here all the time. So far ive paid rent and bills (student loans :eusa_doh: ). i havent stayed at my dorm all winter semester and my grades are horrible! im also working two jobs that barely pay bills, rent and gas. another point is that we are serious and while i think he is ready for a serious relationship, i dont think i am, though i want one. I admit im afraid to love him fully and afraid to lose a great relationship. However, the area we live is small and not many opportunities. that and its not open minded. it reminds me too much of the place i lived before and wanted to leave immediately or die. part of me wants to stay and see what happens, while another part of me wants to leave the area and move to a place more accepting and be close to family downstate. i plan on staying in the summer because he cannot afford this place alone and even the roommate we may have soon will not be enough for the two of them. but this fall, im thinking of leaving. we have talked, but no matter what i either feel selfish for leaving or frustrated and angry and burdened to stay. added to that is the fact i suffer from depression and going untreated. winter up here sucks. any advice or insight would help so much. everyone i talk to seems to have their own agenda, or a third party that can be more objective is close to my last resort. sorry for the long post, but this has been eating me for months. Thanks again! peace
It sounds more like you only want to stay with him because you want to support him financially than be there because you two are dating. As relationships go, they eventually end. I've never been a big fan of hearing stories about people moving in with their gf/bf because I always felt like they're treading on a fine thread. Since you're not completely devoted for a serious relationship, I don't really see the staying together thing as a good idea. I'm really just concerned about your mental health.. (which might sound weird) I don't want you to feel like dying because you live in a small ignorant place where you feel like crap everyday. I became lamentful just thinking about that. You two don't have to stop seeing eachother if you don't want to live there.. but I understand that he may change his opinion about you if you refuse to stay with him. I don't know if I'm helping any, but personally, I'd like you not to stay with him and live somewhere more comfortable where there are more opportunities. Ummm... peace :]
Paralyzer has given you great advise! Just a few things. 1. It sounds to me that you feel 'obliged' to stay with your BF just because he needs your support. Are these signs of co-dependency? 2. Try and get treatment for your depression, whether its seeing a counselor, talking to a someone known for good advise or seeing a doctor about being clinically diagnosed this is going to be one of the key factors in enjoying the coming winter. 3. While your BF and friends may seem to be the most important part of life but you are in that town in the first place for your education. This should be your first priority! This means if you need to downgrade your accommodation and living standards to bear neccessaries so you have sufficient funding WITHOUT having to work to much then thats what you NEED to do. Spend more time on your studies and concentrating on school! 4. Talk to your BF and tell him exactly what you have told us here. He needs to be aware that you're not feeling ready for a serious relationship so he doesn't get the wrong expectations and ideas from you. 5. Be Positive Good luck!
Hey - welcome back! Yup - it sounds like you've dug a hole for yourself. You're not the first person to go off to university and get in a little over your head though. And I think you can recognize that you've made some mistakes - and failing to act now will just make things worse. You're paying for a dorm that you're not using and helping with the rent that you're bf committed too and then didn't find a room mate to share it with. That's not your fault. He needs to take responsibility for his mistakes too. You need to be honest with him - that you can't afford to be doing this with him. That doesn't mean that you can't still see him. I really wish you'd look into getting help with your depression too. There may be some actions you could take to make yourself feel better, and you owe it to yourself to take them. You don't need to feel crappy all the time. Be honest with your family too. Let them know that you recognize you've made some mistakes, and that you want to put things right. Maybe they could help you out... Good luck.
