Sleeping around: just need to get off my chest

freaky!

my cousin is like that. she kept sleeping around allot when she moved in with us cuz she was never allowed to date...and my mom allowed her to; and one day i told her off and she just stopped having sex from then(since january).

Without a doubt i think ur insecure and yes ur flattered by these men and yes since allot of guys are flocking you and making u feel good emotionaly...i mean it's ur body and u owe them nothing. Idk if it's like here where (idk how gays do it but) they give the young girls like a whole bunch of money...maybe thousands and buy them stuff and tell them really cheesy pick up lines then the girl feels intimidated to have sex with them...

all u need to make sure is that, even if u feel the urge to continue doing this...make sure YOU put on the condom on the guy. don't wait for him to put it on, u may never know...:dry:

try talking to someone close to you about it...someone who has similar experiences. (that's what i do most times anyways) and get more advice.

 

Wow this is incredibly sad...

 

I understand you completely. In my case it was particularly bad with a guy in particular. He was 27 and I didn't like him, but he kept making moves on me and I didn't have anything else to do so I ended up having sex with him in the beach that night... yeah depressing. When we were done I left as quickly as possible and ended up in my house taking a long shower... I was so disgusted by what I had done! And it hasn't been the only time either, although he was my only "one night stand" (the others were 2 to 3 night stands with the exception of my only boyfriend)

I feel lonely here and it seems that's the best I can get. So, sometimes I hook up with guys to kill my loneliness, even though I know that I nearly always end up being hurt and disgusted. It's something I'm trying to remove from my life... I refused to have sex with the last one, for example. However I still get the urges.

I wish I could find a boyfriend.

 

Like sexyalex said it sounds like you're really insecure.

You seem to be craving adoration and affectionate attention from other guys because it makes you feel better about yourself.

I'm not really sure what you're asking us to say to you in your post.

Do you want to know why you're doing this?
Is it wrong/sage?
Whats our own experiences with these kinds of situations?

It would help if you actually gave us a question or what you wanted to hear from us.

I know you said you just wanted to get it off your chest, but there's plenty of easier ways to do that then type it up so I'm pretty sure you want some kind of answer from the EC community.

What i also want to know is how sexually active are you with younger guys as well?

Maybe you were just lonely, wanted a fck and you have a fetish for older guys?

lol write back.

 

I think lots of times people just really like to feel desired and we make some really questionable choices in order to keep or obtain that feeling. I know I screwed up more than a few of my relationships because once I had a boyfrined, I used to feel that I needed new people to be into me to continue to feed my need to be desirable.

Anyway, you should get yourself tested, just for your own peace of mind. There should be free, confidential health clinics to get that done at in pretty much any major-ish US city. I mean it's not likely you acquired anything nasty but it's good to be sure.

I am a total believer in "sleeping around" if that's what someone wants to do and they do it in a safe and healthy manner. From what you're saying, though, that's not what the behaviour you're describing is about... I think people should have sex with people they're attracted to, not just anyone. If you happen to be attracted to people seriously older than you, well... that's fine. Not exactly run of the mill but certainly it happens enough that it's not unheard of. It doesn't really sound like that's exactly what's going on, though, if you're not really into these guys.

It is usually easier and emotionally safer and sometimes physically safer (given how young you are) to have sex with people closer to your own age. The fact that this guy started fucking you WITHOUT protection is a pretty massively huge warning sign in bright red letters that are flashing. Personally I think anyone who does that deserves to be, well, beat up pretty bad, quite honestly.

Let's be honest: when you're as young as you are, you can always find people who are into you just for the fact that you're young. I think ultimately most people want people who are more into them as people and not them as someone who happened to have a birthday in a particular year.

I would advise against random hook-ups of whatever age until you have a better insight into why you're interested in having sex with people where you know the sex is going to make you feel dirty/ashamed/upset/trashy afterwards. Generally those kinds of choices indicate a lack of self-esteem that kinda results in you thinking you don't deserve not to feel dirty. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: you don't feel like you're worthwhile so you have sex which makes you feel lesser or worthless and that proves the point that you're worthless so you keep having that kind of sex. It would be good to interrupt that vicious circle and ask yourself, "Why am I doing this if I don't like how it makes me feel?" And don't be lame and pass it off as it being because you're horny "like all 18yos are..." because that's just the worst cop-out in the known world. All sorts of people are horny at all sorts of times in their lives but not everyone has sex they know they aren't into, so it must be something more than that.

You deserve to feel really good before, during, and after sex.

 

There are a lot of reasons why people have sex. But if you're in a situation where you're having sex "just because..." or as a way to make yourself feel better about yourself, then you do need to do some thinking. The problem with this kind of sex is that it may satisfy you for a few minutes- a day at the most- but afterward you feel as bad or worse than you did before.

Have you tried meeting guys and dating instead of just doing hookups?

 

If having this type of sex before made you feel miserable the odds are highly likely that doing it again is going to have the same kind of effect on you. I would highly recommend thinking twice before doing it again. You need some help in developing healthy, happy and loving relationships.

 

This is what a lot of guys don't seem to get. I didn't at first either. We are brainwashed into thinking that gay sex is bad, bad, bad. So sneaking around, cheating, annonymous or one night stands - they seem to be OK when it comes to gay sex.

It's VERY easy to get the impression that this is the way gay men operate if you're meeting them on some of the web sites intended for cruising or hook ups. I started down that path as well, unfortunately.

But it's important to realize that there's NO REASON that a homosexual relationship can't be and shouldn't be as healthy, as special, as intimate, as meaningful as a hetrosexual relationship. It SHOULD be! And it CAN be.

I agree that there might be some underlying issues with self esteem that you should have a look at. Can you see a counsellor or therapist about this? It might be helpful to talk to a professional about what you're feeling. You're not the first person to have done this and won't be the last, but you owe it to yourself to figure out what's going on so that you can have a healthy sexual experience that you can feel good about.

 

That's a really good point that I hadn't considered. That does seem to be something people grapple with a lot. I never did because me being "in the closet" and me being "out of the closet" were two very separate states--I was in the closet and thinking I was straight and once I admitted that was a (silly as it turns out) lie, then I was out. To everyone in very short order. So I never had this months-long or years-long period of pretending to be straight when I knew I was gay that might have led to furtive hook-ups.

 

Yeah so I'll say the line I left out in my previous post then: you could at least get with hot 40something guys, then.

I think people can be pretty well sorted out in terms of self-esteem in certain areas but then have low self-esteem in others, and feeling attractive and sexually desirable is often an arena in which people suffer from insecurities.

And I know with some people, they aim for guys they know they are way more attractive/desirable than because then they know they will never be rejected for not being attractive/desirable enough. Like really beautiful women who constantly seek out ugly men; my friend has a friend like that and we both think it's pretty weird. But the friend has out and out said she goes for guys like that because then she has the security of knowing they will never break up with her. I find that line of thought pretty disturbing, myself, but I guess it works for her.

I don't know you at all but this is one of the questions that spring to mind, which may or may not apply to you: do you find yourself really bothered when you meet someone and they don't like you? That is, are you someone who is really invested in being well-liked? Because I've known a few people like that and I'm betting those people I know would be likely to end up making sexual choices that they weren't really 100% comfortable with. Whereas with other people (say me), I'm not gonna lie and say it doesn't hurt when people don't think I'm a great person but ultimately I've adopted a "well screw them" attitude with respect to rejection. Yeah, it upsets me but I'm not going to bend over backwards to convince people I'm worthy of their approval.