I've never been on here before, but it looks awesome. Yay for supportive corners of the Internet!! Okay, so I came out to myself for the first time - officially - the other day. I've always known I was bi, but I tried super hard to be straight. I thought I could do it, and for a while I honestly believed I was hetero. But I can't do it, and I realized after a long talk with my friend the other day that it was time to not lie to myself so hard. The problem at this point is sharing the information with others. I came out to her, of course, and to two other people (one's bi, the other is pansexual). And I'm terrified to come out to my mom, because I don't think she really believes too much in bisexuality - and if she does, I know she won't believe I am (i.e., I once tested the waters - a long time ago, maybe six years, when I was scared I might be bi - by telling her I'd experienced crushes on girls in the past; she answered, "Oh please, you haven't had crushes on girls." She's as straight as a frozen pizza, so ...). But I'm so freaked out and overwhelmed by this rush of truth - it's like, here I am, this is definitely me, but what the heck am I supposed to do with it? It's really upsetting, and I still wish I could be straight. That would make things so much easier! But now that I've realized, I can't run. I can't back down. Good heavens, I'll take any and all the support I can get! Has anyone else experienced this total rush of terrified energy? I can't believe how liberating but overwhelming the truth is.
Congratulations on admitting it to yourself! That is often the hardest step and you're now one step closer to the closure that everyone deserves in themselves! I know what you mean about not wanting to come out as Bi, I experienced the same problems. I wished to be straight and sometimes even gay, just so I didn't have to put up with the biphobia that is so much more accepted than homophobia. A lot of people think "Bisexual" is just a word used to mean "I'm gay, but I don't want to admit it yet". But all you can do is tell them who you are and hope they accept it, immediately or failing that in time. I came out to my parents one week ago today and they were fine with it but personally I think they're expected a Stage 2 coming out soon and if they are, they have a long wait ahead of them! Also, welcome to EC! If you need any support, you've got a community of people here who are willing to embrace you with arms wide open and some rainbow cookies! x
First off welcome to EC! I'd also like to say congratulations for coming out to yourself the other day. Sometimes the personal admission can be the hardest part (it was for me) so give yourself a pat on the back for accomplishing the admission. Every little victory counts here. I don't think it is abnormal for one to feel a rush a terrified energy especially if they have been in denial for awhile. You no longer have to deal with constantly beating back the thoughts that you might be bisexual and now you probably feel a little bit less stressed and relieved that you can at least be honest with yourself now. When I came out I became a bit excited and nervous. I was eager to learn and experience different things now that I could freely admit to myself "Yes, this is who I am." An important thing to bear in mind is that your personal admission doesn't mean you have to go radically change yourself. Your sexuality is a small part of who you are as a person; the summation is far greater than that one aspect. Some people obviously do change and behave a little bit different after they come out. My personal opinion is they're not acting their sexuality; instead, they're freely expressing their natural self which may have been repressed before they came out. If you still eat pasta (who doesn't like carbs?) you can still eat pasta. If you enjoy getting a manicure and pedicure you can still have that done too! You don't have to do anything specific with your admission. You aren't required to register for and pay monthly dues to the local bisexual club either. With my personal admission I immediately began fretting over who I would tell, how I would tell them, do I need to come out to all right away, etc...so if you are experience any of those questions take a second to breathe and calm yourself. As they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day." You don't have to tackle everything at once. So do not feel compelled to come out to everyone right away. I would actually suggest you hold off on telling your mom right away. I do not know whether you and your mom are really close, but I would suggest you hold off for a bit especially if she might give you a shaky reception to the news. If you feel like you want to tell others I would try and seek out friends and family that you believe will be supportive and loving of you. Try to build up a support network. It sounds like you probably have at least three good friends (the ones you told) so use them as a resource. I am sure the one who is bi and your pansexual friend can offer you some invaluable support and advice. Seek out a local lgbt resource center or support group if there is one around you. You may benefit from having some impromptu counseling be it individual or group. If you think it might be necessary you can always look into more official counseling. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help as it may offer you an unbiased avenue to express your thoughts and feelings while receiving feedback. It is not an admission to being weak or broken. Desiring to be straight is something that is not uncommon among people who have just come out. I definitely experienced those feelings and sometime I still do as I learn to fully accept myself. Ultimately, you can't truly change yourself to be straight. Would it make life easier? Undoubtedly, yes it would. But then you'll have a boring biography written about you. Start learning to fully love yourself for who you are and use your friends and support network to help you along this journey. Of course, we at EC will always be here to help you as well.
Oh my gosh, you guys are amazing. Seriously, my whole morning has been brightened in the best way. Thank you so much.
Most definitely. The other thing, too, is that declaring oneself "bi" has become a fad in high schools (at least here in Rhode Island), and it can be hard for parents and friends to take their kids and peers seriously. I remember my little brother said he was bi for a while, and my mom was like, "Oh god, no you're not; everyone says that." And the worst thing is that I was quite sure he wasn't bi. I don't really know anymore (he says he's pansexual, I think, but I'm not sure if that's quite true either: he's fifteen and surrounded by people who do make a claim to bisexuality; it's hard to tell, you know? I hate to sound phobic!). So I was always afraid to say I was bi because I thought, "Well, doesn't everyone say that? No one is going to believe me, and if they do they're going to hate me." I'm Christian, but a moderate one, so that I don't see any kind of LGBT feelings as wrong; but it's different when it's you, you know? And you have to worry about what people will think and how people will treat you and blah blah blah. I have a wonderful church, but I also have a lot of friends who are REALLY conservative, and they might treat me horribly if they knew the truth. (I know that doesn't say much about their friendship, though.) ---------- Post added 20th Jun 2013 at 08:47 AM ---------- I swear I almost cried when I read this post. I know it's true that sexuality is a piece of you and you're a whole person, that you come to life when you know who you are and aren't afraid of those truths ... but the way you put it was so perfect. Thank you so much.
NOTHING makes a girl's morning like a line of dancing bananas. Oh crap, that came out wrong. All I can say is I like the little yellow guys. That sounded better.
I'm happy we could add a little life to your morning. I'm so glad you were able to find these forums. There are a lot of people on here with a wealth of valuable experience to relay. Hopefully we can help guide you through this point in your life! Absolutely, it is much easier for people to gloss over an issue or feel indifferent to it when it is "over there". However, when it becomes front and center things can change especially when it is you. The attitude that parents have prior to their child coming out may change once they realize that their child is serious. When an issue becomes personal sometimes the response you receive can surprise you. I still advocate working on the personal acceptance and building up a support network of sorts before telling your mom since.
Hey, it felt so good to hear your story.I came out to myself as bi the other day and I know exactly what you mean, I can't stop thinking about being bisexual now. I really want to tell my best friend but I'm way too dcared. Usually I'm a fairly big talker but now every time I try to open my mouth I get so scared that someone might find out that I get incredibly tounge tied.
It's a really scary thing. I mean, my big thing is that I feel like people won't believe me. Has anyone else heard people throwing around that they're bi when they most likely aren't? It's kind of a fad among teens these days, which makes me nervous.
Yeah there were a fair few people at my school who came out as bi but later revealed they were gay and even more who did it and then went back to straight so there is always a chance people will assume you're doing it as a stepping stone or as some sort of fashion statement. The annoying thing is, you can never really be proven correct. If you settle down with a woman people will say "See, she was gay and just too scared to admit it to anyone!" and if you settle down with a guy people might say "Straight all along! When she dated that girl she was just doing it for the attention!". If you never settle down it's even worse as people then see it as a reaffirmation of the stereotype that all Bisexual people are promiscuous and can't settle down like a normal person. You'll encounter as much (if not more) Biphobia as Homophobia. But don't let what other people say affect you too much
Aw, thanks! That's a great way to look at it. I find that as the days go by, I'm feeling more and more comfortable with myself. And yeah, I hate the idea that all bi people are just looking for sex everywhere.
