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Is this an okay way to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rainbowfish, Jun 19, 2013.

  1. rainbowfish

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gay
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    This is so long, I'm sorry, and thanks so much to anyone who actually reads it all:kiss:

    Just to start off, I am out to my mom and my only sibling, but not my dad. I have been out to them for about 4 months-ish, as well as a small group of friends for slightly longer, and they are all completely accepting. Because of reasons that would take far to long to explain, I really need to come out to my dad before school starts next year (I will be a high school senior). I have been fretting about ways to come out to my dad for quite a while, since he is the kind of person who literally believes that "AIDS is God's way of killing off the faggots":bang:. But the thing is, he also really, truly loves me, and I know that sounds weird, but his two defining characteristics are how prejudiced and bigoted he is, and how much he loves my sister and me. I'm just not sure which one will win over when I tell him about being a lesbian. I know that I won't become homeless or disowned or anything, because my mom won't let him kick me out, but if he ends up hating me, it could really :***: up my family dynamic/result in divorce/cause resentment, and I really don't want that to happen. So essentially, I have come up with a plan that will hopefully make him realize that I am still the daughter he loves, and have things turn out okay.

    So this is the plan: My mother, sister, and I are going on a two-week road-trip in August, and because of where we will be driving (the middle of nowhere), we will be impossible to contact the first two days. The morning we leave, we will be gone by five in the morning, so the plan is to leave a note by the coffee-maker (he will be unable to ignore it there, caffeine addict). The note will explain everything, including why he should still love me and accept me, and ask him to please contemplate it before he contacts me about it (since he is very temperamental and hot-headed). Since he will be unable to contact me or my mother or sister, he will kind of be forced to come to terms with it (hopefully, he might just get more angry and riled up). I already have a rough version of the letter written, and if I decide to go through with it, I will post it so that i can see what you guys think.

    So what do guys think? Considering my circumstances, I feel like this is the best way for me to come out (I will never have the gets to tell him face to face), but I wanted to get some un-involved opinions from people who understand, which is sadly something I am severely lacking IRL.

    Once again thanks so much for any ideas or thoughts you might have!

    P.S.~please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes, I am typing far later than I normally stay awake~ Goodnight!
     
  2. KnownSecret

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    Hey! I think your idea is pretty good, but there is just one question I have: have you talked to your mom about the letter to see what she thinks about it? Your mom knows your dad more then you, you should really see what advice she has to give! I think if your dad truly loves you as much as you say he shouldn't be not accepting of the fact that your a lesbian. If you don't mind what does your rough letter say? I think you should say stuff in it that explains that your the same person that you were before he figured this out and that you always will be. If your dad has really large anger problems maybe this isn't such a great idea, if he is prone to explode. If he really gets angry of the fact and can't contact you it might make him boil over. I think it might be better to tell him in person when you get back. Since your going with your mom and such maybe she can help you get a plan going that she thinks your dad would handle good! In the end its your decision to use the letter or to come out in person! I just don't want to see your dad get overly angry because he has no way of expressing his feelings to you. I hope everything goes good, you will be in my thoughts!

    ~Zack~
     
  3. BlueSupernova

    Regular Member

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    I think this is a fine idea! I think it is respectful yet assertive, well thought out and mature.
    And if your dad has an issue with the fact that you are a lesbian, that's his own problem.
    Byesies!
    :slight_smile:
     
  4. drs

    drs
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    As a caffeine addict myself, this is not something I'd want to see before I've had my first cup of coffee in the morning... Is there somewhere you could leave it where he'd see it after he had some coffee? I'm serious! Don't even think of talking to me until I've a) had a shower and b) had a cup of coffee!