Very confused guy in need of advice

First of all, welcome! :smilewave I hope some of us here can help you find what you're looking for.

With regard to your entire post, let's get one thing clear: You don't have to be anybody other than yourself! If you like guys, that's great, but that one area of your life doesn't have to affect the rest of your personality! It doesn't make you any less of a man, you don't have to be feminine, and you can listen to whatever kind of music you want! A transition in your sexuality won't make you a different person.

What about the relationship you're in now? Other than worrying about orientation, are you happy? Because being unsure about a relationship is one thing, but being unhappy is another. It's ok to worry a bit, but if it's driving you insane, you should consider doing what you need to do to make yourself happy, even if that means breaking it off. But don't take making that decision lightly! You'll have to do some soul searching, and that's really hard to do, especially if you're afraid of the answers you might find. In the end, you know yourself better than anyone else, so only you can make life-changing decisions for yourself.

Same goes for discovering who you like, as far as your orientation goes. You can't make it what you want it to be, but you can get to know yourself better and find out what kind of people you're more attracted to! Just remember that one incident of attraction doesn't necessarily define your orientation. You might be attracted to that one guy, and that's all! At this stage, the details of your situation (who you're attracted to, who you're not) are far more important than labels!

You don't necessarily have to spend time with gay guys to figure out whether or not you're gay. Gay individuals are just as varied as the rest of society. You'll find gays who are masculine, feminine, happy, sad, dominant, submissive, and any other adjective you could use to describe a person. Again (because it's important) you don't have to change yourself to be gay, nor do you have to find a label right away! Take your time. It'll be ok.

Finally, I'm not gonna lecture you on depression, but I will say this: No situation, emotion, or event is worth you being unhappy or distressed (especially if it's to the point that you'd hurt yourself!).

I think that's all I can say here. I hope you find what makes you happy, and you find what you need! (*hug*)

 

*Checks username to make sure he's right*
Yep, I'm right. I didn't post this thread. It just looks kind of like I did... good.

Thank you for taking the time to share this with us and get it off your chest. I can closely relate to a great deal of what you wrote. I never got involved with any of the girls I had emotional feelings for though, because I always felt like there was a lot holding me back, and not just my depression and massive anxiety issues.

One thing I've realized recently is that one of my biggest anxieties is internalized homophobia. I'm not afraid of other people being gay, but I've always been terrified that I might be. Well, after researching and soul searching, I came to the realization that I am in fact gay (or bi and leaning towards gay). I remember first sharing it with a friend face-to-face, and I certainly remember telling my mom almost a week ago.

When I first told myself "I'm gay" and when I told other people I'm gay, I felt this amazing, amazing feeling. It's something I haven't quite felt before: full and total self-acceptance. Like, I was allowing myself to become the object of my biggest fear, and by admitting that I was, the fear drifted away.

Of course, I'm still questioning myself at times, and often when I do I start to feel awful about having come out as gay and start telling myself it's a phase or something. It's not a phase though, I've had these feelings since I was a kid, whether I noticed them or believed them or not.

Advice to you? If it feels great to tell yourself you're gay, then do it! Keep doing it. If you really have been in denial and self-hatred all this time, now is the time to start healing. Allow yourself to emotionally explode. It's a heck of a lot better than keeping it pent-up inside you. I know the feeling all too well. Music, of course, is not a factor in sexuality really, but if you've been feeling bad about what you like to listen to, then allow yourself to listen to it now. Listen to it, clear your mind as best you can, and go with it.

I recently took all the most feminine-sounding music (the stuff I was afraid to listen to) into one playlist and have been listening to it a lot. It's like... I'm free. I don't have to worry what people think of my actions. If you think I'm gay, well guess what? I've already told you I am, lol. If you have a problem with me now, then you have a problem with gay people in general.

It's a tough journey, but it starts with accepting and loving yourself for who you are, regardless of what your sexuality is. As for religion, coming out as gay actually has helped me feel closer in my faith than I was before doing it. If I'm to believe that God did in fact make me and that I can't choose whether I'm gay or not, then aren't I kind of dishonoring what he gave me by not loving it? Won't I be at constant odds with myself if I don't love myself? There's no way that's healthy.

Also, perhaps your mom is in denial about you, and that's why she's brushing it off? Perhaps she's really surprised and wasn't expecting it? All I know is that it takes people time to process emotion, so hopefully she'll come to a place where she'll accept you no matter what way you are going to have to live your life to be happy.

So yes, best wishes to you. Hugs!

 

You are quite welcome there. It is always great to meet fellow, very similar travelers on the road of life.

I've had my fair share of emotional neglect and feeling lost and isolated growing up, so I was never really in touch with my feelings. I'm trying to discover what those feelings finally are now as an adult. It's not easy.

I'm glad my words could help.