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too young? :help:

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by The_Poets, Jun 20, 2013.

  1. The_Poets

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    So I'm thinking about coming out to my best friend as a bisexual, but I'm afraid I might be considered too young because I'm only 13 (almost 14). I have two extremely close friends and I want to tell them both but I think I will most likely tell one of them first. I'm really scared that she might take it the wrong way. Both of my friends are pro gay, and I'm so lucky they are, but I'm afraid they still won't accept me. I'm spending a week with the one I'm planing on telling first and we are rooming together away from parents. This would probably be the perfect opportunity to tell her, but I'm afraid that she wouldn't still want to room together after she finds out.

    Am I too young to come out I really want someone to know so it's not that big of a secret anymore.

    What age is appropriate to come out at? And how should I come out?
    Please any support or advice I really appreciate.
     
  2. Samael

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    Hello :slight_smile:
    First of all, congratulations on making the decision to do so, it is a very important step for each one of us.
    There really is not an age to come out, that is, you are never too young or too old to do it. Really, the most important thing is: How sure are you about your sexuality and how comfortable you feel to say it. If you do not feel comfortable with one or both options, maybe you should reconsider about coming out.
    The biggest step is not to say it, but to acknowledge and accept it. So clearly responding to your question, No, you're not too young to come out. If you are good with it, go ahead :slight_smile:

    Greetings and a have a good day!
     
  3. Aldrick

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    I agree with everything Samael wrote. No, you're not to young to come out. There is no age requirement on coming out.

    As for your friends reaction... this type of fear is normal. The question is whether or not it's a rational fear. You know your friend. Would she really act this way? Or is this just an unfounded fear of rejection that you're feeling?

    It's a bit like worrying about whether or not someone you love is going to be in a horrible car crash. Is that a rational fear? Well, maybe if the weather conditions are bad, they are a horrible and unsafe driver, and you know there are a bunch of other reckless drivers on the road (for example it's a day when tons of people will be drinking, and thus lots more drunk drivers on the road). On the other hand, if the day is clear and the sun is out, they are a good and safe driver, and there aren't any other known dangerous conditions involving other drivers on the road... is it really rational to worry? Probably not. That doesn't mean a wreck couldn't happen, it just means that it's highly unlikely to happen, and thus not worth spending time to worry about.

    The same is true here in your situation. You know your friend, her personality, her views on LGBT people, and the bond you share with her. Based on these things, do you think your fear is a rational one?

    The only caution I will give to you is that you cannot guarantee your friend will not tell others about your sexuality. Now, this may or may not bother you. However, whenever you tell someone that's always a possibility, and it's a risk that you must decide you're willing to take. Evaluating that risk should be based on where you go to school, and the general view of the students of that school. Finally, you must also examine your comfort level with other people - aside from your two friends - potentially finding out.

    I wish you well, and good luck! Congratulations on thinking about taking such a step... if you do decide to take it, then it will serve you well in the future. (*hug*)
     
  4. The_Poets

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    Thanks so much for your support and I have a few more questions.

    So I was just on the phone with the friend I think I might come out to, and I casually brought up the subject of gay marriage because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. So I waited for her response and she started complaining about some two hours conversation that she had on the subject. She then started talking about a bunch of random stuff. I later brought her back to the subject, because I wanted her to get some of the hints. At that point she went on a ten minute rant about how she thinks gay people should just do what they want and leave us alone. She complained about the pride parade not being necessary and how that gay marriage doesn't affect her. She also said something about she doesn't care if someone is gay, or not, it doesn't affect her.I haven't told her that I'm bisexual yet and I'm really scared that if I do tell her she won't want to talk about the subject at all, and my main reason for telling her is so I have someone close to me who knows how I feel and can be there to support me.
     
  5. Aldrick

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    I cannot tell you what you should do. This is something that you need to think about and decide on your own. It is a decision that only you can make, and whether you decide to tell her or not - it's okay. There is no pressure. It's something you should do when you feel ready.

    Some questions I think might be good to ask and reflect on are:

    How long have you known this friend?
    How deep is your bond with this friend?
    How much do you trust this friend?
    Can you depend on this friend to stand by you and support you (outside of LGBT issues of course)?

    Asking questions like that will help you reflect and hopefully make your decision easier.

    I will point out that while a lot of straight people support LGBT rights, most of them don't spend time thinking about it like we do. They're straight and we're largely invisible to them... until we come out. It's only when someone knows someone else who is LGBT that things begin to change. Suddenly, it's no longer an abstract concept for them. It's their child, their sibling, their cousin, their co-worker, their friend, etc.

    So, I would not necessarily look too deeply into her lukewarm response to your questions. She has no reason to be passionate about the issue, at least not yet. The questions above are more important to consider than trying to peer too deeply into her response.
     
  6. SaleGayGuy

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    Welcome to EC, it’s a great place for advice, and congratulations for having the courage to be thinking of coming out and getting to grips with your sexuality at your age.

    Just a thought: You mentioned your friends were pro-gay. Do you mean they support fully gay rights for men and women, or they support gay rights because they would like a gay male friend but had not really thought of the possibility of a Bi or lesbian friend? I suspect the two options are subtly different and you may want to be clear in your own mind which of the two versions of support they show as you decide what and when to tell them.