Damn it. My mom was packing for a trip and found some stuff in my suitcase that outed me as gay. I told her not to go in my closet (holy shit...that's ironic) and she ended up doing it when I was at work. There was an LGBT book, a few *ahem* pictures, and my journal. I poured my heart out into that thing and I'm pretty sure she read it. I saw the stuff on my bed and almost died. She called me into the other room later and said that she dumped "that stuff" on my bed. Oh my God. I don't know what to do. I'm angry, terrified, hurt and on the edge of bawling my eyes out. I'm not ready to come out. She and my dad are ultra conservative and this could literally ruin my life. My head is spinning and I can't think straight. Tomorrow my family is going on a much needed vacation and I'm worried that this will be hanging over my head the whole trip. I don't want to be alone with her to have her confront me about it. I want to die.
On the plus side, she didn't dump "that stuff" in the garbage, meaning that her reaction to whatever conclusion she may have come to was not as negative as it could've been. I suggest you just let things rest and don't stir the pot. If your mother has "some" doubt about your sexuality, well it will at least give her some time to possibly come to term with the idea "should it be the case" (from her perspective).
Why not have a good cry? :tears: Then maybe you can calm down a little and think a bit clearer. It sounds like she doesn't quite know what to do herself. She may just tell you to keep it secret until after the vacation. I'm sorry you couldn't choose when and how to come out to your mom. (*hug*)
Parents are so dumb! So many parents don't respect privacy! Well, if I compare your situation to the way I came out to my mom, I told my mom and she thought I was trying to be a rebel or trying to get attention or something. So at least you don't have to worry about that. I would say just stay quiet and hope it blows over. If it does blow over, your mom will remember this event, so the day that you do decide to officially come out to her and your dad, it'll be less of a surprise. So that's good But you should probably be prepared to defend your case and find a friend you could stay with in a worse case scenario. As far as going on this family trip, depending on the situation, you might want to not go. Once I was in a huge fight with my family right before a family vacation (fight was not gay related) and I decided to not go. They didn't like it and didn't really let me not go, but I didn't go and that ended up being a good decision. Time apart can really help clear things up. But on the other side of things, not going could make things more messy and put this all out in the open, so that decision should be decided by you based on how well you know your parents. I hope it goes well, you always have friends here you can talk to ---------- Post added 21st Jun 2013 at 05:09 PM ---------- I guess I agree with that. Crying can help. Personally, I can't cry unless I'm really pushed over the edge. But when I do cry, I do feel better, usually.
Deep breaths. Everything is going to be fine. 1. You don't know how much your mother read or saw, you're assuming that she read your journal. I mean, okay, let's face it - she probably read it. But you don't know that for certain, she may have seen the book and freaked out and dumped the stuff and left it. However, the end result is that she may suspect your sexuality. 2. She hasn't confronted you yet. If she suspects your sexuality, it's likely because she's still processing what she learned. The first phase moving toward acceptance is always denial. This works in your favor because it means that she may not bring it up. After all, we all know if we don't talk about something, it goes away... right? :icon_roll 3. You're an adult. This is good news because it means she doesn't have the same degree of power over you that she had when you were a minor. You are now empowered to make your own decisions. It also means that she grossly overstepped the line by going through your things. So if she *DOES* confront you, then you have every reason to be angry. So, if she confronts you with angry accusations, you have the power to turn the tables. Don't let her make it about your sexuality - make it about her snooping - if you can't change the subject, walk away. 4. You are not on trial. You have nothing to prove to your mother and nothing to be ashamed about. You did nothing wrong. If she wants to put you or your sexuality on trial, don't let her, because it isn't about you - it's about her and her issues. Do not take ownership of her feelings. 5. As an adult you don't have to go with your family on vacation. You can choose to stay behind if you want. 6. Even if the worst scenario you can imagine happens, our life isn't over and it isn't ruined. I know you're frightened right now, but you WILL work through this no matter what happens. My advice moving forward is to look for some roommates and move out of your house entirely. You will have more independence and more freedom. You already have a job, and so this is a plus in your favor. Everything will work itself out in the end, I promise. (*hug*)
The fact that they went snooping really sucks. But if you haven't had an adverse reaction yet, maybe she understood the stuff you put in your journal and is on your side. Go ahead and be shocked and embarrassed and cry if it helps, but don't panic yet.
