Suicide

Hey listen:
I get it. Trust me, most of the people on this site understand you. You are in the right place.

I especially get your feelings of depression. You feel like you've lost a life. It feels like it's hard to move sometimes because you're just so....done. You can't bear yourself. For me it feels like I'm a marionette and something everyday has to just pull my strings or I won't function.

But Do. NOT. End it all.
Suicide is not the answer. Look around you.....see hope. Your status says questioning, and understand that everyone has doubts, and you are NOT alone. If you truly know you are homosexual, you are not alone.
Please do not feel alone, because we understand you, and I know how it feels to want to die. I really understand the feeling of an easier way out. But everytime I feel that, I have to have hope.

Your god, whether it be Christian, Muslim, Jewish, ANYTHING, should always love you regardless of anything, never forget that.

I'm going to post this and continue, so you can see it ASAP. Please...let yourself feel.

---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2013 at 11:42 PM ----------

Ok continuing:
I understand the suffocation - the fear. You don't want to face hate, or a meaningless future.
Realize, please realize that you don't know yet what the future holds. And being a normal American kid? Please, what is considered "normal" now a days? At this point, I'm honestly not sure I take normal as a compliment.
I have to ask really quick: I understand you have a ton of friends and family...but are you in a situation where religion or the environment around you makes you unable to come out?
Listen, I'm not atheist, but I'm not religious either. But know that whatever entity you worship, that leads you, you can't believe that it's abandoned you. Don't let the media or anyone tell you differently.
If you give up on your faith or forsake yourself based on that faith, its not fair to you or even your beliefs.
You're young; and that's coming from me. (I'm 14) I can tell although you feel alone now, you have a future. You are not alone.
And your family....I understand the situation. It's always complicated, but know that it's not impossible. The people on this site can help you with that.
The first step though for you, is to realize that you are surrounded by us. Friends. We understand your problems, and can help. I don't even know you....but I really want to help you in any way you'd like me to.

---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2013 at 11:52 PM ----------

Really quick:
Disappointment from family? I empathize, and that's why I'm on this site. It helps people like us. Don't try and take the "easy way out" because you can't take the rejection, the pain, the fear. Life is a storm; we only live when we learn to dance in the rain.
feel better, ok?

---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2013 at 11:58 PM ----------

And BTW, if you're in the stage where you're fearing you'll become THIS and THAT because your a homosexual, do not worry.
I don't know what exactly your fears are; but if your worried being gay will turn you into a stalker freak who doesn't know when to stop posting on a thread (like me), don't worry....that's just how weird I am.

 

Listen dear, we're all here to help you. I know you're worried, there's still some stigma about (and hatred towards) LGBT people out there, it's understandable to be scared. But you won't end up abandoned and alone. I find that people in general are more open and accepting of homosexuality these days than they have been in the past.

So far I've come out completely to four people, and all of them have accepted me as I am, with open arms, and then we went about our lives as if nothing was different. I realize not everyone can be so fortunate, but you might be surprised at how accepting people can be.

Are you Christian? My friend's mom is Christian, and her response both to her daughter and myself coming out was: "God makes everyone the way that they are, and he loves everyone. Why would he hate you for being true to yourself?" Take from that what you will.

Don't be afraid of your sudden revelation - your sexuality is a part of you, it doesn't define you. You're still the "normal American teenager", and there's absolutely nothing shameful about you. You might not have to rule out marriage and children so quickly, either - after all, there are a lot of babies that need homes, and who knows what the marriage laws will be like by the time you are considering it yourself - and I'm not sure what your school's rules are about prom dates, but some places are accepting of their LGBT youth.

Remember, coming out is a process. You don't need to do it all at once. You can do it at your own pace. And we're all here for you. Just try and keep calm. This really isn't the end of the world.

 

Hey there, I can definitely relate. I grew up in a small town in northern Michigan, the middle of nowhere, and came out to my closest 5 friends at 17, and to myself a bit before then. This was in 1986, when being gay was much less talked about. No internet, facebook, it seems kinda odd, looking back to that time.

But I felt much better even after I told just one friend I thought I could trust...before then, I was depressed and thought of suicide pretty much every day. I was a straight A student, graduated near the top of my class, I wanted the ideal American life, and all that...though it wasn't exactly in the cards.

When I went to college, I saw a therapist, and the year I graduated, I met my partner/boyfriend...who I am still with 22 years later. We plan to be legally married this fall. It may be a bit too late for kids, but it worked out OK, all in all: I can say, yes, I've had a lot of struggles, but overall, my life is good, maybe not financially and in some superficial ways, but compared to how I felt then, I'm glad I decided to fight.

Hang in there. Life throws a lot of things in our path we never expect and I know you can find the strength to overcome them.

 

A while ago,whem I was 12/13, the only thing keeping me from commiting suicide was the feelings I had towards my family. I knew it would have destroyed them. Evemtually, I was able to find some great friends that accept and love me. Try and find others who will love you and it'll get better! (*hug*)

 

no matter how disappointed your family will be, they would rather you be gay than dead. PLEASE don't end it all, you don't know what the future holds for you. i felt the same way you did just a few weeks ago. i realized that i just have to accept that i'm gay, and that being gay doesn't change who i am. i'm still the same masculine, fun guy that i was before i knew i was gay. i didn't become a creepy feminine sex addict or anything, because being gay is just part of me. like people said before, it doesn't define who you are. hang in there, it will get SO much better.

(*hug*)

 

Hey Haags12950. (*hug*)

I understand what you're feeling right now. I attempted suicide when I was seventeen. It was one of the darkest and most difficult periods of my life, and I was struggling with so much all alone.

But you're not alone, and you're growing up in a different world than the one that I did - so much has changed. So many of the fears that you have, though they seem so real, are not justified in reality. It feels like you're being suffocated, that you're trapped with no way to escape. However, you have other options, even if they are somewhat limited right now.

Most importantly, you're not alone. There are so many people who know what you're feeling and going through. I can tell you from my own experience that looking back at myself over ten years ago now, I couldn't imagine feeling the way that I do today. It just wouldn't have seemed possible. Yet, here I am. It wasn't an easy journey to get to where I am, but it's a journey that made me a stronger and a better person.

Your road doesn't have to be as hard as mine. You don't have to make the same mistakes that I made.

What you're feeling right now is a loss of your identity. Since the moment your parents knew they were having a baby, you've been raised to believe that you were straight. Being straight was part of your identity. Now you're realizing that you aren't straight. This is always a difficult thing for most people.

Right now, you're envisioning all your future plans - wife, kids, prom dates - changing. You're realizing the future you were envisioning isn't going to play out the way that you imagined it. This is hard and this is difficult to deal with, but you will eventually be able to envision a new future. And this future will be one that YOU create for yourself, not one that society has created for you, or that your parents raised you to believe - but one that YOU create. This future will be an authentic future, based on who you really are and not what you feel you're supposed to be - a truthful future.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but this is an incredibly liberating thing. So many of your friends will walk down the path society has set for them without thinking twice. They will never realize that they have options - choices. It's how they were raised, it's what is expected, and so they do it without question.

Though painful as this realization is... you've been forced to realize that you have a choice. This can be a liberating thing if you allow it. Perhaps some day you'll choose to get married to another man, and raise children with him - that is a choice you could make. Or perhaps you'll choose something different entirely. This isn't a decision that you can make right now, as it is something that comes into focus over time. However, whatever decision you ultimately make about your future you'll know it was your choice and not someone elses.

So, I don't want you to feel that you've lost some future vision of yourself. You haven't lost anything, not really, you've just taken a step toward truth and authenticity, and should realize that by stepping into that truth you now have options and choices.

Suicide isn't necessary, because I can promise you whatever you're feeling right now - it's going to pass. You're going to feel better, and you're going to look back on this dark period in your life as a moment that made you stronger.

Once again, I want you to know that you're not alone. Everyone here on these forums stands behind you. Simply sharing your story and your feelings is going to make you feel so much better. It's going to help you realize that there are other people out there who know what you're going through, and can help you navigate this period of your life.

(*hug*)

 

DON'T DO IT!

Remember the song:

Jesus loves me (no matter what) this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

I don't think God would ever hate you for who you are. No church can deny that.

EC is here to help you get through this tough time. Including me (*hug*)

 

*hugs* we've all been there friend and we're with you every step of the way

 

Trust me buddy, i'm going through this myself and constantly feel people hate me because of my homosexuality. Can't say i've overcome this yet

 

I'm just going to share a quote with you about surviving oppression. And I don't want you to read it the wrong way. It's not meant to belittle you and say you'll never grow up. I'm just saying that when you survive this--not if--when, you'll have a strength other people don't develop. Because we're queer, we have to develop these ways of coping to survive. So when real shit hits the fan, we're more prepared than someone who never struggles. Just read it:

"People who cannot suffer can never grow up, can never discover who they are. That man who is forced each day to snatch his manhood, his identity, out of the fire of human cruelty that rages to destroy it knows, if he survives his effort, and even if he does not survive it, something about himself and human life that no school on earth and, indeed, no church can teach. He achieves his own authority, and that is unshakeable." -- James Baldwin

 

You are not hurting anyone! You sound like you have a lot going for you from reading your first post. I've always kept going because I felt like I had value and abilities in some things, though clearly not in all things. In fact, there are some things at which I'm outright incompetent. I'm sure there are things in which you shine. I'm also sure there are people who value you in many ways. A lot of people are hit with depression and guilt over things that hover them, but people find coping mechanisms such as professional help, a support system, and comfort from things they do well and enjoy, to name a few. We're here to help however we can.

 

I won't repeat a lot of the things others have already said, but by and large, they're right. Most important, suicide is, as they say, a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your goals and aspirations in life may change, but that doesn't mean you won't meet some of them in the future. It doesn't even mean that some of the things you want won't happen. And I don't know what your family and friends are like, but try not to sell yourself on the idea of them being disappointed in you until you know for sure what their reactions are - because, in the end, that's you talking to yourself, not them.

I'm gonna make a gamble and guess that when you talk about "my own god," you're talking about being a Christian. If that's the case, feel free to get in touch with me - I know of a lot of gay-friendly churches and talking with some pastors or ministers who can explain some of this might really help. Let me know if you want to give it a try.

 

Very inspirational quote Pret.

I don't think a suicidal 17 year old will take much meaning from it at this point in his life though. It's just one of those things u don't think about until AFTER you've finished your struggle and you're looking back and you're like...."ooooh, I seee!" Yea.

However, I do hope he reflects on what he is doing. Personally, suicide disturbs me tremendously. I mean, its your life to live and yours to take if you wish (free country). But you have a family, and friends...
You're a part of a team! (i'm assuming, since u said you play sports)
And you're maybe still a virgin...

You haven't lived and you're saying you see your future because you figure out you like guys? So what...being gay makes you psychic now?

I'm probably not gonna say what people would consider appropriate. And that's fine. Someone has to play the villain, I guess. But, I think you're being UTTERLY SELFISH (yes, I said it) to want to take you own life when so many people are clearly a part of it. When you take your life you not only deprive yourself of living but you traumatize and devastate many others who are influenced by you.
At this point, you may never know (and it's human that you don't. Can't tell the last time my mom told me thank you....for even washing the god damn dishes!) but it doesn't mean no one will not recognize when you're gone!

A mother always know...okay? So if you're gay and you're worried about you're mama, just know,that she most likely already knows. And a mother, ANY mother, would prefer a gay and fabulous son, over a dead one.
(*hug*)
Trust me, sweetheart. Go live a little! Get arrested, get laid, get drunk, get good grades, get stoned (not that i ever have. I'm too much of a lady), Get into a collage you like, Get a job you wanna be in, get cultured and when you're about 35 or so...if you feel the same way...

by all means, don't let me stop you.

 

Your friends would rather have you alive and gay, than dead. Suicide is not the answer. Keep posting, we can help you. that is what this forum is all about.

 

Amen

 

Haags, I know things are difficult right now, but I encourage you to look around this community. Everyone here has been, at some point in their lives, exactly where you are right now. Many of us have come out on the other side.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, and the situation seems hopeless. You feel trapped with only one way out. Truthfully, that's not the case. There is nothing magical about us that allowed us to make it through the dark period you're experiencing right now. If we can make it through - so can you.

Nothing about you has fundamentally changed besides your awareness. You were as gay as you are now last week, last month, three months ago, last year, five years ago. For your entire life you've been gay, the only difference is now you realize it.

You're in control. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to tell. There is no pressure on you aside from the pressure you place on yourself.

Do you want to know the secret to surviving what you're going through right now? Time. Nothing lasts forever. No matter the emotional state you're in or the physical pain you experience, it cannot last forever. It will eventually pass, and you'll get better. It's just a matter of toughing it out until that happens.

When you tough it out through this difficult period, I can promise you that you'll look back and be glad that you didn't take your life... because you're going to feel differently. You're going to see your situation in an entirely new light. I promise you that this is the case, all you must do is keep reminding yourself that you're not alone, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

You are not alone. Come on! You don't have to worry about telling anyone just right now. Just live your life - don't live a lie, pretending to like people you don't. But you just have to not draw attention to your sexual orientention.

I have thought about suicide A LOT. Until yesterday I was thinking "I should just die, it'd make everyone else's life easier". But you know what? It wouldn't. People would miss you like crazy. If they care about you enough, they won't even care.

You are young and you have plenty to live. You know when they say things get better? They do. They always do, and you can't give up. You are part of this world because you can survive it.

Just be yourself. Don't pretend to be someone else, then you'll live a happy life.

 

We would care a lot if you disappeared - really.
If you ever want to talk about anything in terms of dealing with the suicide of your friend, feel free to just ask.
keep posting...it will help