I really want to know what my sexuality is. Unfortunately I just can't figure it out no matter how hard I try. I'm pretty sure I'll never know what my sexuality is. All I know is that I'm not straight and I don't want to stay in the closet forever. I have come out as bisexual before, but I just don't think that's a good label for me. It causes problems because it makes people pressure me to get a boyfriend more than they would if they just assumed I was straight. I guess they're subconciously trying to make go the "right" way. I've had a boyfriend before, but I hated it because I hate the role most guys have in a straight relationship. I just don't like belonging to a guy. I also didn't like kissing him, but I enjoyed holding his hand and cuddling with him. I'm not sure I'm a full lesbian either because I sometimes get turned on by guys and I got a crush on one guy once. I kind of hope these feelings are just a phase so I can come out as a full lesbian when I'm older and forget about not fitting into any label.
I used to be in that exact bind. My suggestion is to not force yourself in a stencil; just go with how you feel. Once you let go of labeling and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling, I promise that you'll feel much better. Now if you absolutely feel compelled to "come out" but are unsure what to come out as, I'd recommend on coming out as "queer". A graduating high school senior once did this in his graduation speech, and explained that he was still exploring, hence him being queer. But remember that when to come out is a moment that you and you alone can decide. I hope I was helpful.
For me it's nearly impossible to let go of labeling. I'm trying to accept that I'll never know my sexual orientation. I've tried to let go of labeling and feel what I'm feeling. The problem is I keep getting feelings for totally random people I just shouldn't have feelings for. I really hope I'm just going through a phase. I want to come out as "not straight", but I think people will ask me to be more specific. I really don't want people to know I'm confused so right now I'm mostly in the closet. I feel depressed because I don't know my sexuality, but I also feel depressed because I'm in the closet. Right now I'm trying to either figure out what my sexuality is or find out a way to be out without knowing my exact sexuality.
What's important is that you come out as something you're comfortable with. Honestly, I think it would be okay to come out as "not straight." If you're attracted to both genders (or think you are), you could come out as bisexual and later discover that you're a lesbian. Possibly, you don't have to have a label. You could simply express your feelings and tell those close to you "accept the fact that I may date a woman." I know you've had trouble coming out as a bisexual before and that statement may help people understand that it's not a phase and you don't need a boyfriend more than a girlfriend. There's not a time you have to come out or a certain way to do it. Each situation is unique and I wouldn't do it if you're not ready. Maybe you just need to think for awhile. I know I had to when I thought about my sexuality. I'm still not out but at least I who I am and I think that's better to know yourself before you let people know. That's just how I am and you may different. Regardless, I wish for the best and just make sure you're comfortable. The process may not be comfortable but the method and time of coming out should be comfortable with you beforehand.
Left unchecked, doubt, curiosity, and an obsessive need to label yourself will cause more harm than not in the long-run. Why shouldn't you have feelings for certain people? Why feel the need to limit yourself? Look what happened to me: I joined EC three months ago as questioning/bi-curious, trying to get insight into certain fantasies and dreams. I probably adopted the bisexual label too readily, and am now feeling pressure to come out as "gay" or revert to identifying as "straight", which obviously isn't happening. I don't have enough experience to determine which fits more, having only been in two short dysfunctional heterosexual relationships and never having so much as kissed a guy. I hardly notice them, have flirted lightly with a few, but that's it. It was easy to listen to others, let their opinions affect me, and feel I might have been prolonging something huge. You owe it to yourself to take the time to explore your sexuality; you're not obligated to please anyone. There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian. There's nothing wrong with being bisexual. Hell, I'm going to take a risk and say there are a few members who could hear there's nothing wrong with being straight. You do what fits, and if you find out it doesn't, you change it... many people do. Now, whether I'm gay, who knows? Who cares? At the moment I consider myself straight leaning, but that could change. I'm comfortable with bisexual, heteroflexible, fluid, but don't mind if that changes. Is anything in life guaranteed? Again, leave the labels behind for now, experiment, and be honest with yourself. It's not about what you want to be true, but what is. Don't rely on EC alone to provide you with all the answers, and don't expect it to come in a day.
A lot of the people I have feelings for are either too old or too young. The feelings are also very random so it could just mean I'm very horny and going through a phase. I think a lot of the "feelings" I get for random people are meaningless anyways. If I didn't get these stupid random feelings I would probably know who I am by now. Before I watched porn I didn't get these random feelings. I only liked girls before I watched porn.
Porn is also why I'm still here. I didn't watch much gay porn in the beginning, but it increased the more I questioned myself, until I needed it to get off masturbating. Well, some would say porn alone can't tell you of your orientation, though it might provide clues. The fact that I didn't start watching gay until after transexual, lesbian, straight really makes me wonder if there's much attraction there at all, or if I'm in deep denial. I normally don't notice men, have had a couple of fantasies and dreams, but not enough to give me a definitive answer. I'd also love to be 100% sure and to adopt a label, but at this moment, I'm not sure enough to do so. Porn can really do a number on young men's brains, causing them problems with real life partners, with maintaining an erection, and even fantasizing. It doesn't help that hormones are in full swing during our age(s). How about do what I did and try to cut back on the porn, go on dates and socialize with both men and women, and pay attention to things like fantasies, day dreams, crushes, etc to get a better idea. We can sit behind monitors and think ourselves insane, or we can go out and figure it on our own like many older members have.
I don't watch porn anymore. It's kind of hard for me to find people to date. Especially girls. If I really wanted to I could date a guy. I've dated one guy before and I didn't like it. Maybe it's because I didn't like him, but my inner voice told me it's because he's a guy. I don't know where to find girls I can date. The only girls that have hit on me are butch. Maybe I seem straight. I don't know if this means I'm visible to a few people or just attractive to them. I'm not going to use a dating site until I'm eighteen. Right now I feel like dating sites are my best chance. When I sign up for a dating site I'll say I'm seeking women. I won't say I'm seeking both genders because I've heard that some girls won't date bisexuals and I think that will also attract a lot of creepy guys. I attract enough creepy guys as it is.
It's usually best to listen to those inner voices... have you considered talking this over with a therapist, or anyone outside of EC, especially an out and proud LGBT person?
I have a therapist and I do talk to her about this. She just doesn't help much because she doesn't really give me any real suggestions. She usually tells me that I can't know for sure until I'm older. Which is kind of true. At least I know I'm not straight. I really want to know what my sexuality is, but I know strangers on the internet can't really tell me who I am. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, but I want to figure out what to do right now. I've tried the stay in the closet until you know for sure approach, but it isn't really working. I'm really not enjoying the closet. I want to be out and proud, but I can't if I don't know who the hell I am. When I was fourteen I was just about ready to come out as a lesbian. I did to one or two people, but they didn't believe me. After I came out I watched porn to prove to myself I was a lesbian. That was a mistake. I just ended up confusing myself and messing up my sexuality. I was proud of being a lesbian until I came out and no one believed me. I've tried accepting that I'm attracted to guys, but I just can't. I don't feel the bi pride. I don't agree with a lot of things that people in the bi/pan movement say. There's also no bi role models. I don't count Lady Gaga, Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan and Tila Tequila as role models.
I was in the same boat as you earlier (I didn't know if I was gay or bi) and I just said "not straight". I think you should indeed talk with a counselor or a professional who can help you delve into your sexuality and questioning even further. Best of luck to you and hopefully you'll find the answer you're looking for
I've already done that. She's not really helping. I have other issues to talk about with her anyways. I started seeing her when I was ten years old and not thinking about my sexual orientation.
Go with your original instinct. Come out as "not straight". There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's honest, it's who you are at the time being. If society needs to label you as something more specific that is their problem. Until then it's "not straight" and maybe one day you'll be able to figure out a more specific category to fall under. But if not, no big deal!
I think I'll do that. What should I say if people ask me to be more specific? I don't want them to know I'm still confused.
You can just say something like "still deciding" or something comical like that, to ease the tension. Or, you could always just say "that's as far as I'm prepared to take it", or something like that. Or you could get specific and say "either bi or gay". I don't think there's anything wrong with being undecided or even confused, if people are going to judge it is their problem. That's just me though. At least you can tell yourself you were honest and true to yourself. Right?
One thing that I do whenever people ask me to define my sexuality is to say "Ya know what fella, let me love who I love and let me do who I want and let me be done by whoever I want to". It comes out as a joke-ish thing, but I do mean it, and usually they stare at me like I'm a twerking unicorn and I just carry on like nothing weird happened. Some times, people would just grill you about your sexuality, and oftentimes, they just want to hear what they wanted to hear, not necessarily the truth. So I kinda have a "whatever" attitude towards it. If some people ask me, I would tell them the truth. And if they can't take it, I really have better problems to deal with. Whoa I hope this doesn't come out as harsh or something, but I do hope this gives you some sort of perspective on the matter. Good luck!
Well, are there any other people beside me who can relate to this that you could talk to? Maybe they've figured out already and can bestow upon you the knowledge and insights that they learned previously.
