Hey Everyone, Ok what I'm about to say is not suppose to be offensive its just how I'm feeling about myself. So please don't take anything personal. Why is it that I feel angry at myself? I feel that being bi / gay is wrong. I don't want to be gay but I can't help how I feel. I've tried to push the feelings away with a drug addiction which apparently isn't helping no more being that my crush currently lives with me which drives me insain. I've sat many nights thinking "Why me" "why can't I just be straight". it would be so much easier. I can't talk to anyone about this in my life except EC. When i tried to talk to my friend he got mad at me and told me not to talk to him about it. My siblings won't listen and my mom I've noticed is kinda odd. i can talk to her about it but it makes her nervous and I hate making people feel uncomfortable. but i don't want to loose the friends I have, and I'm use to being able to talk to my friends about anything. Now I feel I've added some sort of barrier there, and can't open up. I'm constantly feeling depressed cause I don't feel anyone here is accepting me. Sure they all like me still, but i can't be myself around them. I feel alone but I know I'm not. Why is it every where I look now something always reminds me that I'm gay no matter where I look. I don't feel comfortable with myself and I think that's gonna cause a lot of problems. I HATE BEING GAY! its stupid to have these feelings and not being able to express them how you want. My worry is telling one of my friends and then going out and getting the shit kicked outta me. Its already happened to a person I know. So how do I know it won't happen to me? I'm pretty sure some of you are experiencing this. Any thoughts on what I could do? I've been trying to get myself out more and doing things more, but I still feel okward around my friends. And the gay friends that I have I really don't want to go talk to them cause their all into hard drugs(acid, coke, crack). i'm just a pot smoker and don't want to get in with that crowd. Are all gay lifes like that or am I just being stereo typical?
I think finding the acceptance of who you really are is pretty normal. I was telling someone yesterday that we had a psycholigist come to PFLAG one time and she said the biggest problem she treats with GLBT people is this. There is an actual term for it but it escapes my brain. Its when you fight it and then eventually come to terms with it and find acceptance enough to come out and live your life authentically. You are right in not getting into the druggy crowd. These people are just covering up their emotions with drugs and that is not good. No, not all gay lives are like that. My son does not do drugs at all. The kid is a health freak! You just haven't found a healthy group of people to hang around. I think you should find a good therapist. One who specializes in treating GLBT people. You can usually look online and sometimes under a persons credentials it will tell you if they specialize in GLBT issues or you can call your PFLAG chapter and ask them if they have names of people. You can come to terms with who you really are through therapy. Good luck!
Hey, I'm so sorry about how rubbish you are feeling!! I know this may be easier said than done but there really is no point being ashamed of who you are, it really upsets me that so many people on here feel like this, myself included but just remember, its not you who have the problem, its the people who refuse to accept you, and eventually I'm sure they will come around!! To be very honest I can't really offer you much advice but will try a little support instead, I just wanted to let you know that your not alone and if you ever want to talk feel free to PM me... So lots of (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) and hope it all works out for you.
Thanks for the support guys, but why is it when ever I bring this up I need someone always says see a psych? I'm sorry I'm not totally comfortable with the face to face discussions. online helps cause no one really knows me or sees me. And you can make friends here. a psych is there just to analyze you and sort your issues out not to actually be a friend. But I do like the support you guys offered thanks a bunch.