Hello everyone. I just discovered this site and I'm so hopeful to connect with others who can help me. Long story short.... I am 33 yo, married 7 years to a wonderful woman, employed by a very large evangelical church and a staff writer for a national publisher. My wife has known about my orientation since I broke down and told her a few weeks into our marriage. We decided to pursue counseling and have spent the last few years on a roller coaster from hell. We've faithfully undergone counseling for the last year to help us process and have ultimately realized I cannot change to become the man she needs, so we've turned the corner to begin working through divorce. Papers will be filed soon; I will subsequently lose my job and be shunned in the church world I'm accustomed to. My parents, siblings and close friends all know about my orientation and, while offering a measure of support, that support is primarily contingent upon my choice to live a celibate life. I'm not sure I can do that. I want to share my life with someone I love. A man. I'm reaching out to this community in hopes of interacting with guys who've walked a similar path, to find someone who can truly relate and offer any advice. I'm on the verge of losing so much...my job, my marriage, my sense of purpose, etc. But the desire to be liberated and fully known trumps all fear of impending loss. Thank you for reading... God bless you guys!
"But the desire to be liberated and fully known trumps all fear of impending loss." This really hit home for me. It has taken me nearly a decade of struggling to finally come to terms with my truth. I, myself, even went to the lengths of having a child within a heterosexual relationship. Fortunate for me however, I have positive feedback coming from those who matter most. This nullifies the often constant bombardment and pain of judgment. Try to keep an open mind, your community might surprise you. I commend your story and strength. Hang in there!
You have the biggest balls of any man I have ever heard of. The courage the this decision must have taken is unbelievable. Your story is so inspiring I can't imagine people shunning a person who has the guts to stand up and say this is who I am. You are following your heart and this is something very few people do. You story has inspired me to tell others about my true self if you are willing to give up so much how can I stay silent. I wish you luck on your journey and thank you.
Dude. I am just so sad and happy for you. I was raised the same way. I stopped going to church a little while ago though. I just couldn't do it anymore. I had not even realized that I was a lesbian, but the homophobia really got to me. The celibacy thing is just crazy. I know people who have tried to do it for a while, but just couldn't keep it up. Maybe you can help your family understand LGBTQ better. Have you heard of John Shore? He has a blog. He is a straight dude who is a big ally for us. Celibacy is probably a good idea for a little while so you can get on your feet and get used to being you, but after that, I understand wanting to find someone. I am married too. I sleep next to someone who loves me every night, but I still feel lonely. I am getting close to the point where I will consider dating. I'm still a little nervous. I wish all the best for you. I notice this is your first post, so welcome to the family. If you ever need someone to vent to, put a message up on my wall.
Thank you all so much for the encouragement. Some days I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, but I know that I can't spend this one life I get pretending to be someone else. It's so great to connect to people who understand me!
Hi, Welcome to EC. I got 22 years on you, put it all behind me, wife, young adult children, all the assets... All behind me. Six hundred miles behind me. Starting over, from scratch at age 55. Just a little money, me and a brother to put a roof over my head. It is doable. You can make it. You have not really lost as much as you have gained. Tom
Welcome. No question you've made the right decision. And I think you may find, over time, that your family will become more accepting when you have a partner. Once they figure out that not all gay guys show up to family functions wearing pumps and a party dress, or have purses falling out of their mouths when they speak, their perception of what it means to be gay start to change. What I said above is humorous, but is intended to be really accurate; the perceptions that religious/bigoted people have about gays come from the outrageous stuff that the media always chooses to portray. If you meet someone who's sweet and kind and thoughtful and just a normal guy... I think the fear your family has will dissipate and they will be a lot more accepting. In the meantime, you've clearly taken the right steps, and you've given it every reasonable chance to make the existing relationship work, and that's all anyone can ask. I think you can enter into the next phase of your life with a totally clear conscience and move on and end up much happier than you've ever been
Thank you, Chip! I know I'm doing the right thing & I hope my family comes around. I'm maybe most terrified about losing my career and starting over at 33, but I'll survive.
Just read your post and all I can say is how much of an inspiration you are, to me and i'm sure many others reading. Thank you for posting!
Thanks, GArchi1992! It's been a difficult road, but I'm finally heading in the right direction. Hang in there, buddy.
Wow.... Just wanted to say you are amazing if you persue your happines and as chip said when your family and friends see that not everyone is as the media spreads about gay people you will find it just believe look forward with your head held high you can do it
That is an extremely courageous thing to do and far better than continuing to live a lie and disappoint your wife. Since you have experience as a writer, you might consider writing about your new experiences as a gay man.
