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Feeling Down...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GoBabyGoGo, Apr 27, 2008.

  1. GoBabyGoGo

    Full Member

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    For a while now I’ve been feeling a bit depressed. Its not like anything really bad has happened, but I feel like nothing good has happened either. I feel like my life is boring. I feel isolated and lonely. I feel frustrated. I wake up tired, and I can’t get to sleep at night with all these thoughts. I’m a little low on motivation.

    My Mum has sort of gathered that I feel this way, and has tried to get me to play board games with her for something to do. I don’t think she quite realizes how old I am.

    So far these holidays, I’ve hung out with my homophobic Dad for a week while he socializes with all his friends, then come back home to my Mum’s and did nothing. I really want to do stuff with my friends, but I don’t have many and none of them want to do anything. My group of friends are all guys and have very different interests to me. They all like shooters and video games and action movies – not particularly my thing.

    I wish I could get involved in some sort of social group and meet some new people, but seriously, where I live there’s nothing remotely interesting in a 2hr travel radius. I live in a really small town; no GLBT groups. Nothing. Even if there were, I’m a really shy person and don’t meet people easily.

    There are always sporting groups. A great way to have fun, get exercise and socialize at the same time!! But I’ve learnt my lesson – I CANNOT do sport. I do not enjoy it, and it is only embarrassing and humiliating for me.

    My (best) friend has had a girlfriend now for about a year and they are always doing stuff together. He doesn’t have much time for me anymore. I get so fucking jealous when I see them around snogging out in public. I get upset when I see any couple my age for some reason. The other day, I went out to the movies with my Mum, and there I met another of my friends with his girlfriend. I said hi, but it was so awkward. I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on being an adolescent.

    I really want to come out to my friends. But I’m scared. I keep making excuses, like I don’t have any close enough friends, or I never get a chance to. Then I wonder if it would change anything anyway. My (best) friend is the most mature, but he never talks about anything personal to anyone. He just closes up and changes the topic. It really pisses me off… so I wonder just how well he would take it.

    So I guess I’ll just go back to school and put these holidays behind me. At least it will keep me busy. I’ll have to put up with seeing my crush on the bus every day, which is so ridiculous because I don’t even know him. I know nothing will ever happen because: a) He’s not gay, b) He’s not gay, and c) He’s not gay. I’ve never had a bf in my life!

    And my god, I’ve already ranted on for a full page! If you’re still reading this I really admire your patience!!! Thankyou
     
  2. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    You are only 16 years old. Many straight 16 years old have never had boysfriends or girlfriends so please don't get discouraged so fast! Life is not over at 16. You are just beginning. You are not going to be stuck in your little town forever. You are probably going to go to university right? You'll meet new people there. Life is going to get better. Just hang in there. Take one day at a time and make the best of it. Try to think of things that you enjoy about your life right now. Focus on that. As you move on more and more things are going to come to you that you do enjoy. You'll have a boyfriend before you know it!
     
  3. Louise

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    (*hug*) Since you are out to your mum and she
    you might want to talk to her more openly. If she is playing board games with you it is simply because she doesn't know what to do, not necessarily because she doesn't know how old you are.

    We mums can get it wrong as well. This is her way of saying I see your pain, I want to help you but I don't know how. You are going to have to meet your mum half way here if you are going to get through this.

    One good point is your mum knows and supports you. If she knows how akward and lonely you feel she might come up with some ideas to have your friends over or do some organised activities with them. I can understand sports not being your thing... I myself have two left feet and was always the last to be picked for school sports teams oh the humiliation!

    Anyway, back to you. What are your interests? Think really hard there must be something, a music band, art, history, computer games, walking, singing, collecting stamps, anything. What do you enjoy doing? Start already with that even if it is only you and your mum at the start, then look round for like minded people.

    Honestly your mum is the best person to talk to in order to help you find something that will take your mind off the humdrum part of your life. You need to have some fun, you need to laugh and you need something to look forward to. You can do this.(*hug*)
     
  4. Quitex

    Quitex Guest

    And Louise did it again. Such a wonderful post.
    I second her last statement: You can do this (*hug*) It is a matter of not giving up. Becky said something very true: Life ain't over at 16. It seems like MILLIONS of years for you, I lived it - in fact, I am still living it. But we don't need a girlfriend... or should I say, a boyfriend to feel special.
    Maybe your mom is trying a little too hard on playing board games (some of them are fun) or even going to the movies with you. Talk with her and tell her you need a little more space. What I am afraid it may happen is that spending too much time with you mom will make you co-dependant (You may say, wow yu're crazy, but it may happen as frightening as it may sound). Does your chool has any other non-bullied crews or clubs? Does your neighborhood has any skating arena that is safe, or perhaps a *good* library? Even, a video game arena? Or an Arcade? Hang around your neighborhood - if it is safe of course.
    About telling your friends, don't drown in a glass of water. You'll be very pissed and won't help at all if you keep worrying about their reaction. You can try writing them a letter and burning it, so you can let all your emotions to flow out of yourself - at the end those emotions amy be the ones that are bugging you, you know?

    (*hug*) Hold on, you can make it through the night. And my love, you'll never be alone :slight_smile: