Coming out to an ignorant mother - is this really a good idea?

Oh my gosh! Sounds like a NIGHTMARE to have to listen to. I think that if it comes up again (and it sounds like it most likely will), maybe you could just TELL HER: "Oh? Interesting you should say that, Mom: I'm bisexual." But not nervous. Feet planted firmly on the ground. But you make the call: if you DO NOT WANT to come out, you do not have to.

 

I think it might be easier to say "Mom I'm gay." even though you're bi'. It doesn't leave a parent room to hope that you might change. We know that's not possible. I feel guilty for saying this but sometimes I'm thankful that mom passed away. She doesn't say hurtful things about gay people anymore.

 

Hello Bubble Gum,

If you're able to or given the opportunity to, you might ask your mom (calmly and not while anger) what the issue with lesbian marriage is. Then hear her out. It may be that her reaction is based entirely on fear, as these reactions usually are. She may not have any solid reasons.

Whatever she says, you might be able to open a dialogue with her. Perhaps being able to hear her out will allow her to do the same for you. And while you may never change her views--pure fear based responses are hard to argue against--you may be able to help her see that some of her fears are not grounded in reality. I know I've had this experience--when I ask people to explain or support their argument, it sometimes falls apart. It may not change them, but it may give them something to think about.

And maybe you'll find that her fear is based on something that happened to her or someone she knows.

Whatever the case, opening a dialogue can be very helpful. Whether you tell about your sexuality her during or at the beginning of the dialogue is entirely up to you--as is, of course, the whole idea of having a talk with her in the first place--but you may find it reduces her fear. We so often fear what we don't understand or know, and there are people who change their understanding of what it is to be gay when they find out they've known someone who has been gay all along.

--Zoe

 

Who is paying for university? Will your announcement risk university money?

 

It doesn't have to do with a parents ignorance or not... It has to do with your relationship with them. Do you feel like her love for you is unconditional? And does she show it to you everyday? Or do you fight a lot? I have heard stories from children of conservative religious parents who when they learned about their kid they just hugged them and said "now we love gay people"...

If a parent will be accepting is entirely up to the person/parent. That's why every story is different...

I'm talking from experience here. My mum actually knows many gay people. She has many lesbian friends(not besties though,they're not on the phone all day but she knows them..) a gay best friends etc etc... Yet.... she's reacted very negatively to my homosexuality... She can't accept it... But our relationship is the second one I described.
Besides the gay thing, we don't get along very well and fight a lot.

So, think about all that and if you think that coming out will result to you being beaten,or homeless, or electrocuted,or blah blah blah....
you shoud come out when you feel ready. If you feel that you won't be accepted then wait until your parents can't "harm" or even influence your life negatively....

Good luck,
John

---------- Post added 28th Jun 2013 at 12:43 AM ----------

Side note, if you feel your mum doesn't know much about homosexuality (eg she thinks it's a choice etc..) then according to what you feel is best you can choose to educate her(by books etc) before or after you come out...