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How to deal with not being able to come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ChromeNerd, Jun 27, 2013.

  1. ChromeNerd

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm pretty depressed about being mostly in the closet, but I kind of have to because I can't figure out my exact sexual orientation. All I know is that I'm not straight. As you can see coming out isn't an option. Is there any alternatives you can think of? I'm feeling very depressed about this. I wish I could just be out and proud. I live in a gay friendly city.
     
  2. Hagelslag

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Who are the few people you are out to?
    There is nothing wrong with coming out as questioning your sexuality I think. I don't recommend coming out that way to everyone everywhere, but maybe expanding the group of people a little. Even though you may not be sure about this, it will give you some freedom to be open about it. I can also recommend some gay or bi friends :wink:
     
  3. ChromeNerd

    Regular Member

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    My parents and counselor. I think my sister knows as well, but I didn't plan on telling her. I really don't think it's a good idea to come out as questioning. I bet no one will take me seriously if I do.
     
  4. diegohrz

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    Hey there DevilKisses,

    I replied to one of your posts when I just got on here, but I don't know if you remember :slight_smile:. Anyway, what I wanted to say about this is that I met a very interesting guy from San Francisco on my vacation. He didn't exactly "label" himself as such, but he said he was queer. I know that everyone says you don't need a label, and they are right. But like you, I have been in this state of panic of "what am I?" (and still am sometimes). I think queer is a good word, because it means you are definitely not straight, but it is more "determined" than the term questioning and less determined than bisexual, so maybe that helps?

    Don't know if this helps at all, but although I am still not absolutely, 100% sure, I think I'm probably gay, but am not excluding the possibility of being bi. I am just assuming that it's more likely that I'm gay (very long period of very strong denial), in part because I want to avoid using bisexuality as a buffer or transition. This probably sounds irrelevant, but what is relevant is that I am now past my crippling need to define what I am. I'm probably gay, and am out to the people I want to be out to, so if it eventually does turn out that I'm bi after all, that's cool. If it doesn't, then that's just how it is. So it is possible and likely that you will at some point be more at ease with what you are, whatever that may be

    Sorry for all the quotes :frowning2:
     
  5. Britishskittles

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    London England
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    So you know your not straight so could you mention to a few friends that you like girls but your not sure how you feel about men yet (if that's how you feel) ,or if you really feel like you need a label you could come out as bisexual and than if you come to realise your actually gay you could come out again or just carry on ownly dating women and it would be assumed.