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Someone help me...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ritor365, Jun 27, 2013.

  1. Ritor365

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    Someone please help :frowning2:

    Apparently, some people are guessing about my sexuality, and their guessing right. It's making me feel extremely anxious and nervous. Yesterday I woke up at almost 6:00 am because how nervous I feel. It's even people who I've said ten words or less too. I see odd looks from some people now that I barely know, but know that they are the ones talking.

    I know it's easy to say "just ignore them" but that's it; it's easy to SAY. While its not entirely true, I feel like I'm slowly being smoked out of the closet, and I'm not ready yet. I can't have suddenly everyone inquiring me or knowing, that's not how I want it, and I feel absolutely wrecked. My friend who knows isn't being much help; he's simply saying "so what? It's fine dude". It's because he's straight and doesn't know how this feels.

    I haven't hung out with anyone for the last few days (when I first started to hear of it from a few other friends) because I'm feeling socially anxious that anything I do will out me. I hate this feeling, and I don't want to even see my family.


    Someone please help :tears: I HATE this feeling and I'm so scared!
     
  2. Plutanan

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    Have you always felt this way? Do you think your friend told other people (unintentionally spreading it around)? Or do you think it may just be paranoia that you've come out to one person and it merely seems that everyone knows? You haven't described a specific situation so I can't tell whether people truly do know/assume correctly, are joking, or you're misinterpreting them.

    Until that's cleared up, the best advice I have for you is to try to relax. I tend to over worry about things like this and I feel better when I think about it and realize that I'll be okay. You certainly do not have to come out now and I don't think you're being forced out.
     
  3. Ritor365

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    No, I know my friend would never tell anyone unless I told him too; even though he's not being of much help as of right now, I'm positive of this. And he told me the other day this:

    "Uh, dude, I'd say tone down the gay a little...a few people have come up to me and started asking about you..."

    When I asked who he named off about 5 or 6 different people. The thing is, I don't act very gay....at all. I'm sure he didn't mean it to be rude, but I was a bit hurt when Iwas told to "tone down the gay" because:

    1) I feel almost as though he's saying "try not being yourself as much" (even though I don't act stereotypically gay)

    2) I feel self conscious about being around people now, constantly wondering if I'm acting stereotypically gay without knowing it.

    I won't lie, there's probably a bit of paranoia in the somewhere adding to this. And yeah, I agree, saying "forced out" wasn't right, I was in more of a panicked mood.

    Another question; am I being too sensitive to what my friend said? Or would others feel hurt from someone saying something like that?

    Thanks.
     
  4. lazyboy

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    If my friend said that to me, I think I'd feel self-conscious about it, so I think you're justified there.

    I wonder what your friend is feeling about the situation. If he's going to ask you to tone it down, is he a bit sensitive about the topic as well? Could this be adding to your unease?
     
    #4 lazyboy, Jun 27, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2013
  5. Ethan132

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    Shhhhh (*hug*) Relax. Everything is going to be alright Ritor :3

    You know what? If people judge you, so what? They don't know you. If they would get to know you I'm sure they would see that there is so much more to you then your sexuality. Now just take that anxiety and throw it out the window. ^_^ Do what you like to do to relax.

    And to answer your question, I'd say what your friend said was not really called for at all. He probably didn't mean anything hurtful by it but, he should know better then to tease you, if that makes you uncomfortable. I'm sure if you talk to him about how you felt about what he said, he will make it up to you. I doubt it's little more then a misunderstanding.
     
  6. Ritor365

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    Thank you for the replies, I really do appreciate it.

    @lazyboy: If by sensitive to the topic, you mean gays in general, no, he's always been very supportive of gay rights and was quite happy when I told him. But I do think he may feel a bit awkward when people ask him about me. He said he freaks out and doesn't know what to say so says nothing and changes the subject, which in my opinion, is a definite "yes".

    @Ethan123 Thank you(*hug*) I sometimes need to force myself to remember that there's more to me than just my sexuality, but it really helps when I'm reminded by other people. And probably will tell my friend tomorrow when I see him, I just feel like he sometimes is a bit insensitive when it comes to stuff like this because he doesn't really relate. I've calmed down a bit now too. I just have anxiety problems that can get really bad if theres a trigger.

    Again, thanks guys :slight_smile:
     
  7. Ethan132

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    No problem. If you ever get stressed feel free to talk to me. ^_^
     
  8. lazyboy

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    Sorry. I just read a couple of your other posts, including the one where you come out to your friend. Everyone needs someone like that.

    You know when I came out to my best friend, he turned around and did the unthinkable. He outed me to his entire family before I arrived at one of his family get-togethers.

    At first I was upset and embarrassed. His family however accepted me with open arms. They joked and carried on as if nothing was any different. I realized he had done a huge favor. He showed me how much my own paranoia was holding me back. The reality was no where near a bad as I imagined it was.
     
  9. rjrh20

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    This same thing was happening to me last school year and when people asked I just denied it. They still become a little suspicious but if your friend can back you up than they might stop asking. Its worth a try. Also, when you say you aren't bi, act casual. Don't act panicked, if you do people will think you are lying.