Hi~ For two years I have known that I am bicurious/bisexual. I got my first crush on a same-sex friend actually. But luckily, the feelings sorta faded. Due to a fear of intimacy, Social anxiety and PTSD I don't ever want to be in a relationship. I have already decided this, and it is an absolute that I want to be a single, virgin forever. But I feel attracted to both genders and have recently been struggling with wondering if I should let my friends know. I am often a private person and have kept this a secret for that reason. Also, part of me wonders if it is worth risking my friendships over as I am never going to have a partner anyway. They could very well assume I was straight forever. I have tried to bring up the topic a few times. Mostly, I have heard phrases like "lesbians make me uncomfortable" so I never said anything. Also, most of them are religious Catholics or protestants. So it makes me a little more hesitant... The only reason why I would consider telling them is that I feel very distant from my friends because I constantly have to hide my sexuality and mental disorders. In a way, it makes me feel like I'm hiding who I really am and that they would never accept me. What do you guys think? Anyone have experience with this? Would you recommend I tell?
Well, the computer ate my reply. Hate it when that happens (user error) I personally have no experience with what you're going through. I'm a virgin right now, however I have no plans of remaining so for the rest of my life. As far as coming out, I think that you've already answered the question for yourself, I'll just nudge you along in your thinking a bit. You say that you feel distanced from your friends because they're not aware of your orientation and mental disorders - they don't see the "true you". In my experience, even the most religious person can see things differently when it hits close to home. Is it going to be easy for them? Probably not. Will they come around eventually? I'd say so - this eventually may be months or years away, but it will happen. I wouldn't expect the path to be all roses, but it's not all cactus either. So the answer to your question (that you already seem to have come to) is that by letting these people into your life, and seeing the true you, you have the opportunity to become closer to them, and form a deeper bond. To me, that's worth the risk.
I have to agree with Rainbow on that, but in all honesty, you should never give up the pursuit of happiness. I believe everyone deserves that special someone and nobody should tell you otherwise. I come from a religious family and I can tell you from first hand experience that telling someone you care about about your Bisexuality is something that really eats them up at first, but they come around to it and if they are truly your friends, they should have no problem coming to terms with you. Be strong and never give up on the pursuit of happiness.
My Mom was very religious. When I was closeted there were large parts of my life that she knew nothing about. After coming out to her and Dad it didn't change her beliefs but I felt free to talk about my life.
Hi guys~ Thanks so much for responding. Sorry it took a while to get back to you all. I have since brought it up to one friend. For my friend, I first tried to see what her reaction is to gay/bi people before I told her. I asked if she wanted to do this quiz (which in reality I made up) of 10 questions about "What would you do if...?" She said yes. One of the questions was "What would you do if your friend was gay?" She responded saying she would be uncomfortable but would deal with it. It seemed like an okay answer. I then began to talk about gay rights, things in the news,etc. She wrote "oh" a few times then said "What's with all this gay stuff?" I told her I found it interesting and suddenly she stopped chatting with me for fifteen minutes although we had been sending messages every 30 seconds before. Finally she came back on and asked about school (I'm in summer school). The conversation then went like this: Me: "Sorry, did I make you feel uncomfortable talking about anything?" Her: "Are the people in your summer school course nice?" She was dodging the topic. I kinda feel now like telling her or any of my other friends may be a bad idea, even if I feel a little better. Isn't it better to have some slightly homophobic friends who don't know than them to leave you?
