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How to come out to kids and older family members?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by myFTMtransition, Jun 30, 2013.

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  1. myFTMtransition

    myFTMtransition Guest

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    After my parents kicked me out for being trans, I am now living with my brother and his family. The only problem is trying to explain me being trans to their kids. The kids are 10, 8, a set of twin 5 year olds, and an 18 months old. The ten year old and eight year old are accepting of it and are trying to help explain it to the five year olds. But the five year olds are autistic. I want them to refer to me as their uncle Justin, but with them having austim I know it might not happen. They call me J. The only thing is that they can't get the uncle part since for the past four years, they've known me as their aunt.

    I have other kids in the family I need to expain being trans to, too. They all range from 12 to the age of three, for the kids that can comprehend the information. The only issue is trying to explain it to where they understand.

    My great grandparents are having a hard time understanding that I'm a guy instead of a really masculine tom-boy. To give you an idea of how they think, my great grandfather still believes in shotgun weddings.

    The other problem is, I'm a trans man (born a girl) attracted to guys. So I have to explain that too.

    Do you guys have any advice?
    Thanks. Justin
     
    #1 myFTMtransition, Jun 30, 2013
  2. RainbowMan

    RainbowMan
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    Justin -

    I'm really sorry to hear that you were kicked out by your parents for being trans. I'm guessing that you have a roof over your head and everything is semi-OK for now? Your safety is the most important concern.

    Sexual orientation and gender identity are truly orthogonal issues. You can just as easily be a gay transman as a straight one. I understand where you might think the complication comes in (you're a biological woman who loves men....so you're straight is the thought that I'm sure that you're thinking is going through their heads). I realize that concept is hard to grasp for some people, but perhaps explaining it the way that I just did will help.

    As far as getting your family to refer to you by the proper pronouns, you mention that the 5 year olds are autistic, which is going to present something of an issue for them in even having the mental capacity to deal with change (a big problem for autistic people) let alone one this big. I'd take it slow with them.

    Just take it slow, and I'm sure you'll find a way to make everyone important to you understand this very important part of you.
     
    #2 RainbowMan, Jun 30, 2013
  3. BlueSupernova

    BlueSupernova
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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    First of all, Justin, I'm so, so sorry to hear that you parents kicked you out. I don't want to make you brood on this to much, as this is probably still hard on you, but that shouldn't happen to anyone. I hope you are safe, and are doing well. :slight_smile: This might sound totally random, but I'm on here if you ever want to talk, because, well, when I read this.... it broke my heart.
    Ok, back to business. When it comes to the little children, I think for the littler ones (3-8) you should wait a little bit, and tell them when they are at the age when they can fully understand, so as to avoid awkward confusion. But with the older ones (9 and up) I think you should just tell them the truth: That you are a boy, not a girl, you are a boy, and that you like other boys. I think by that age they should be mature enough to handle it. :slight_smile: When it comes to the older folks, I think you just tell them that your are a transsexual, that you are boy, and that you are attracted to other boys. Tell them you hope they can accept this.
    I hope this helped Justin. :slight_smile: Best of luck, and never give up.
     
    #3 BlueSupernova, Jul 1, 2013
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