I am planning on coming out this week...I am so nervous! I'll make another thread about that once I do it though. How would you explain denial to someone? I have dated guys in the not-so-far-away past and I am not sure how to explain that I never was truly, oh what's the word.... into them I guess. That is the one thing I am worried about helping them understand honestly.
Heyyy, congratulations on your courage to come out this week. I hope it all goes well for you! I'm at the same stage actually, I plan on coming out to my parents this week too! In terms of denial, I guess it's hard to explain. I think that it takes time to become accustomed to your own sexuality and in the early stages you don't want to believe it because it's not 'normal' so you try and do what you perceive to be normal - in this case dating guys - when you're not into it. Possibly not the best input, but hey! I hope everything goes well for you this week! Gareth
Best of luck with your coming out! Denial, repression, disbelief (this last one especially) are the main causes of not seeing yourself clearly. If you have to explain (and you don't...not really) just say you couldn't believe this about yourself and so you just didn't...
If you think you owe them an explanation just tell them what you felt then and what you feel now. I'm not sure how to explain denial unless you've been through it. For me it was like a gnawing at the back of my mind that said "you're also in to guys, you know."
Thanks you guys, I appreciate it. I've been really busy this week so I might have to next week but I am definitely going to soon. My idea was to make a cake that looks normal on the outside but with rainbow layers on the inside and when they ask what the occasion is I'll say that it's for me coming out of the closet. Or something like that I haven't had the opportunity to make it though yet but I'm looking forward to (though at the same time dreading) it.
To me it's like.. I thought it was true attraction, but then I experienced TRUE attraction and instantly realised the other was so fake/forced. People probably still wont understand...
Hi, Are we talking total conscious denial (had no idea) or repression of what you knew? Repression is living in the closet and represents a spectrum of self repression. It can range from living a dual life to being asexual. Denial is total conscious ignorance and "understanding" rising like the dawn. There is no way to explain it other than to say you consciously or unconsciously traded personal happiness and personal self expression for social acceptance.
Well it's hard for me to explain. I knew for a fact that I liked girls but wouldn't accept that I did not like guys at all and therefore called myself bisexual although only dated men. I finally gave up because I knew something was missing and apon actually having my first girlfriend I realized that I was forcing attraction with men but it just felt so natural with women. I don't want to have to tell them that I do have a girlfriend though until I at least see how they react.
I think of it as the opposite... to me, something repressed is not consciously recognised and something denied is knowingly denied! :lol: thats the trouble... ive noticed different people mean different things when they say each of these words. I guess I take my meaning from the idea of 'repressed memories'
I suppose is something like this: Since infancy you see straight couples everywhere, straight romantic movies, straight elements used at commercials, straight weddings. On the other hand you listen your parents and friends and family talking negative things about gay people, they create this monstruous stereotypes. For many years you dont mind, you might even laught of gay people when talking with friends and you migh say things such as " you are so gay".... But then, puberty happens and you start devloping sexual and romantic feelings toward the same sex so you, and when that happens all the bad things you heard or said or saw about gay people comes back to you as a giant threatening truck. So you inmediatly deny, bury, hide, suppress your homosexuality as a way of avoiding being hit by the truck of insults, stereotypes and horrors that has been linked to homosexuality inside your mind. Be thanksfull that you escaped denial early, as the longer you stay the more the truck grows and you even start contributing with the insults you throw at gay people in a desperate way of proving to yourself that "you are not gay". Congratulations for being out to yourself and others :eusa_clap
I think this is a really good way to think about it. I never realized what true attraction was/felt like until I felt it was with a woman, and now anything less than that feels fake and not enough. For me, I would think things like, "He's decent looking and would probably treat me right. Maybe I could date him." Since my parents don't approve of homosexuality, I think I wanted to fall for a guy just to make thing "easier." with the family. However, when I realized what it was like to truly fall in love with someone (a woman), there was no mistaking it, and I could no longer try to force a relationship with a man and continue to be truly happy. It is hard to explain to someone who's never experienced it.
