Recently my best friend found out that I was gay and fancied him, because of some idiot guy who thought it was his right to know. Of course i'm beyond upset with the individual who disclosed this information without my consent, and doing so when he hardly knew either or us or how deep our friendship went. But thats a different story altogether. Anyways, he now avoids me, we rarely talk, and it's getting to the point where we won't talk at all. The main concern is that he gives me that I'm-your-bestfriend-why-didn't-you-tell-me look, and makes sly jabs at my trustworthieness, that he knows only I can pick up on. It's horrible, and I don't think its fair that I'm the one being victimized for keeping something a secret, because I knew he wouldn't take it as easily as my other friends, I knew the outcome, and how things would play out. Which is why I was going to wait to tell him until I was able to move past my feelings for him because me being gay would be enough of a shocker, and our friendship would be able to bounce back from that. But since the guy told him that i also liked him, it made things exponetially complicated. I'm at a loss of what I should do.
You could say to him that you didn't tell him at first because you were unsure about your own sexuality and didn't want to label yourself too soon. You could also say that you needed to work out how to tell him, as you didn't want to ruin the great friendship that you already have. He might be thinking that you didn't tell him because he doesn't mean as much to you as a friend, but you can tell him that that's precisely why you hadn't told him yet. In other words, I think you should be completely honest with him and basically say what you have just written. Perhaps give him a bit of time to get used to the idea, and then ask him calmly to have a talk with you because you want to sort things out and get your relationship back to normal. Hope this helps
It can be hard when you're in awkward situations with your friends like that, but really the only thing to do is try to talk to him again. Even if he isn't ready to talk, if you at very least tell him that you want to talk about it, by text or facebook if not to his face, then you're doing all that you can for the time being, and when he's calmed down a bit I'm sure he'll agree to hear what you have to say. Whether he agrees to talk right away or needs a bit more time, what it would be helpful for you to do is put all your cards on the table. He's got his information secondhand - chances are you don't know exactly what was said to him - and it may have been completely exaggerated or taken out of context. If you tell him everything from your point of view, there'll be no secrets between you anymore and he'll have a much better understanding of your feelings and what you're going through. As for him not understanding why you didn't want to tell him, all that that says is that he doesn't know enough about homosexuality and being in the closet. Personally, my best friend was fine when I told him, but he was still surprised that I'd kept it a secret for so long. Even if we know our friends are supportive, it's a really difficult thing to get off our chest. Just explain that to him, and if he's still unsure then maybe show him some of the posts on this forum so that he can see that the vast majority of LGBTQ people feel the same way. Having feelings for him is a bit more complex - if he's straight then it would have been easiest to avoid telling him, but obviously this was beyond your control. Again, the best thing to do is to be perfectly honest - tell him that it's true that you like him, but you know and respect that he's straight and you don't want to do anything that will jeopardise your friendship. Over time, your feelings for him will fade and you'll find that you like somebody else who can reciprocate your feelings. Sorry that's a bit long, I hope it is of some help to you!
