Living in a Chinese-American community, I was very ashamed of my sexuality prior to coming out. Every time my parents and their friends see a guy being flamboyant on T.V, they get all disgusted and yell out,"You're supposed to be a man!" Me and my friends feel kind of ashamed for having intolerable parents. I feel even worse because when my parents say stuff like that, it decreases my chances of telling them. Even if I do tell them, they'll be too ashamed of me, or they'll tell everybody. Is there a way to imply that I'm gay but not really directly telling them? Or it's just one or the other?
I'm sorry you have to be around stuff like that (*hug*) Honesty, from the sounds of it, I'd wait a bit longer (such as when you can financially support yourself just in case!) to tell them. I'd say yes to the subtle hints though; see how they react, and if they say anything. I'd say start of with very small things and work your way up to bigger hints. HOWEVER, if they start to get aggressive, I'd say revert back to smaller hints, so that they can adjust bit by bit. Hope this helps a little
Thanks. But they never ask me subtle hints cuz I know they assume that I'm straight. It's worse when they ask is I have a girlfriend.
That's what I'm doing, I'm waiting a few years to come out to my parents - they feel the same way... it's sad.
i'm going through this myself and my parents (whom kinda know i'm gay because i have been dropping subtle hints through the years) and as a result have been pestering me to follow the heterosexual life (and not the devil's path as they word it) and to make matters worse, i've no longer got any friends who support me for who i am and for that i feel nothing but shame towards myself for being gay (it has slowly accumulated my fear that in the end i will commit suicide). I wish there was an easy solution to this but i'm here to reassure you you're not alone atm.
while my community is not exactly fully chinese-american, my mom does have some christian influence and have chinese friends. I can't sympathize (or was it empathize?) completely, but to some extend I do agree that the more traditional Chinese people are not as much open to sexuality outside of binary since it had been that way for people growing up. (though I am told this was after England/western countries took over Hong Kong and some parts of China, IDK.) like others have said, just be independent first. there's even likely a chance that, even if you are straight, they don't like certain race because of stereotype or lack of encounters with other races (why am i not even surprise)
I know how this feels, going through it right now. I'm trying to drop hints but they aren't working as well as I hope or they're refusing to believe it (if they have picked up). My mom keeps on insinuating that I'm gonna have a wife one day. I want to call her out on it but I can't seem to get myself to do it. But anyway, I'm just saying this to reassure you that you're not alone in this. (*hug*) (*hug*)
You`ve got the same problem In Poland ppl hate people who are "different". They are really rude and intolerant. I think that the best idea in this case is to find a house and be financial independent. Then you can tell them who you are. In my situation the worst situation is with my father. He said that people gets "abnormal" when he was talking about gay marriage in France. That ws the first time he was talking about gays. But I do not care too much about his opinion because we do not live together. My mom shouldn`t have any problems with this information, and I had some possibilities to say that but I didn`t and I`m waiting for a better moment. And my grandma also thinks that it`s weird and stuff like that. Many times when she is talking any stupid and rude jokes about homosexuality I start to "shout" at her to keep her opinion in her mind, because I do not care about them. And then I am really mad at her, so I think that she will be prepared for this information.. How old are you?
I'm 15 years old. And yeah, native Chinese people are very conservative of LGBT. Also, it's this "Asian Shame" thing that's taking place.
I agree, if you're really worried about their reaction you should definitely wait until you're a little more independent. You can drop some subtle hints if you think it will help, and watch for their reaction, just be careful. As for their questioning whether or not you have a girlfriend, you can always say you're really not interested right now because you're focusing on passing school. If you already get high grades, they'll assume you're just really studious. If you don't, they'll read that as you're trying to take initiative to improve your school performance. Either way, it should help make the awkward questions happen less frequently. Alternately, if that isn't enough to keep them from asking, you can tell them you haven't really met the right girl yet, but you'll definitely tell them when you do. Use words like "yet" and "when", because they keep the possibility of having a girlfriend open for your parents, and if you're really nervous about how they'll react that might be the best option. This should put the conversation into your hands more, and they should ask less frequently.
Hi there! I agree with many points that have already been mentioned in this thread. If I were you, I would wait until I can support myself financially. And by that I don't mean just when you turn 18, I mean when you actually graduate from university. From what you said it sounded like your parents and family are not very supportive of gay people.
Oh dear, I know how awkward the girlfriend question can be :/ Can you give some examples of the hints you leave? Maybe we can all brainstorm ideas how to make them better
When I came out to my parents. I thought they would react poorly because they were initially like yours. But they said they love me no matter what. Things never change though, since I am single my dad still asks me to try dating a woman. In fact, when I told him, he went to a strip club with me. I guess he thought that would change my mind. I don't know if there is anything more awkward than going to a female strip club with your father... I guess the more awkward part was that all the strippers knew his name.
I've always told my family that I've been too busy to have a girlfriend, and that I've been focusing on school and my career (which is mostly accurate). I believe that all this is important and it has fooled my family for now. But now I'm 22 years old and am tired of being single, so I've been looking for people to date - I currently have a boyfriend and are LDR, which poses some challenges, but we're okay with it for now. Try using the school and career excuse for a while and try saying you don't feel that you need a gf yet, or are not interested in one right now.
