OK so.. I've been making it a habit of hanging out with these lesbians I know.. cos I mean.. they're the only gay people I do know. I mean theyre cool. its not the only reason i want to know them. I really do like them. but yeah. Anyhow.. I was around their place tonight, with a few other people ( 1 straight guy, 5 lesbians incl the ones i know). How it all happened I thought was pretty funny. it was just... unexpectedly easy? and saying it out loud gave me such a rush of 'this is right'! :eusa_danc So part way through the evening, the straight guy just plain, no bull, asked what my orientation was. I guess because everyone else there was gay maybe he figured I was too. I was expecting someone to do this eventually given that I'm not worried about whether I 'look gay' or whatever anymore like I used to be, and I do fit some stereotypes... Anyway, one of the lesbians replies that I'm straight (understandably, given I thought so myself when I met them).. it gets lost in continuing conversations for a minute.. then the guy is like - 'you didnt answer the question' . my friend says again 'nah hes straight' .. at which point I correct her and she's like 'wait what!? are you bi or ? ' and I confess that I'm just all out gay... Never have I felt more relieved in my life!!!! ...and I thought accepting it myself was a weight off my shoulders! all of a sudden I'm not alone. As any human knows, that is an amazingly comforting feeling. People know. It's only a secret from some. I'm not exactly hiding it, I was hoping it would come up eventually - but my straight friends (besides this 1 guy who i only just met) dont seem to have a clue haha :lol: Apparently the girls certainly had their doubts about me, but werent sure.. and I dont blame them given the way I hid myself before.. I had become the perfect apathetic unattractive manly man in the process of camouflaging/hiding myself. Anyhow... I still don't know a single gay guy but... All I can do now is - :icon_bigg When I explained that 1 year ago i wouldnt have even known for myself, they didnt bat an eyelash.. and i guess that was my biggest anxiety at this point.. not so much telling people, but telling people and them not taking me seriously because I'm older and ive only just recognised it myself. The wheels are turning yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
