Ok, so here are a few ideas I've been throwing around about ways to come out to people. One is to have a scripted conversation with one of my best friends. By scripted I mean that he would read lines that I've written, but he would only see his lines, one at a time, on flash cards maybe. It would go something like: J: So Mike, ask me if I'm gay. M Hey, are you gay? J: Dude, it's about time you asked me about that! Yes, I'm gay. M: Wow. I had no idea. J: C'mon, you must have at least considered it? M: No, I had no idea. J: I'm glad you asked and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, but I've got some, trust issues. M: Hey, you know you can trust me. J: Yea, I thought so. That's why you're the first friend I've ever told. So, what do you want to know? This allows me some control over the start of the conversation, but from there it's wide open. I know, I'm a control freak, sorry! For some reason I don't like the idea of people "knowing" that I'm gay before I tell them and I want to know that I can trust people with this information. This would also help me with the words that I need to say to get the ball rolling. Another idea I've had is a variation on the standard letter. I would send a letter to family and friends that says in big bold print, "I'M GAY! DEAL WITH IT!" This would be blunt and sounds kinda angry (which I am a little bit), but doesn't really explain my feelings on the subject. Maybe page two or a follow-up letter would go into more detail. At least it would get the point across without putting it off any longer or beating around the bush. I would ask them to respond with their feelings and opinions in writing until I know how they feel about it and about me. I know that I can be much more articulate in written form than when speaking off the cuff, as I think is true for most people. The last one I'll mention is to write a letter to myself when I was 18, before I left for college. I'd tell myself what I wish I would have known back then, that I'm gay and what that really means. I'd explain that being gay isn't sinful and that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do. I would put in some fact that only I know to prove to myself that it really is from the me of 2007. This would also make it an interesting read for the people to whom I send it. I would send this to family and friends so that they could get a perspective on how I felt growing up, not understanding who I was and how much that lack of knowledge has hindered my life. So what do you think? Good, bad, corny? Suggestions welcome. Thanks!
I can't see the scripted conversation working as he probably won't stick to the script. Indeed he may think it all a bit of a joke. A letter is OK if you don't want to tell him face-to-face. This is how I told my sister and her then-partner. We went to a pub (I said I wanted a chat so we went to a quieter one), got the drinks etc and sat down. Then I handed them each a copy of the same letter and asked them to read it while I went to the toilet. I gave them five minutes, then went back to the table to discuss.... In fact they were fine with it, and had both said they had suspected for some time. The letter was fairly brief, as it's purpose was to say the awkward words that I couldn't bring myself to say out loud, not to give masses of info. Kind of like you have in mind, but not so blunt! The conversation was for the info.
Hi Paul, Thanks for the advice. I never thought that it may not be taken seriously. I thought he might like the idea since he was a theater major, but like you say he may not play along. The letter ideas aren't specifically for my friend, but more in general. Good idea about combining the letter with in person.
Not sure if this is a help for you, but the way I came out to a few of my close friends was actually rather easy for me. My (secret) boyfriend and I talk on the phone a lot. My friends were aware that someone calls me a lot and whenever I'm around others and he calls I just say something along the lines of "Hey can I call you back later?" So one day me and my friend are just talking about random things when the conversation goes a bit like this: Me: So you know that person who always calls me? Friend: yeah Me: Well we're kinda going out. Friend: Oh really, so who is she? Me: Yeah that's the thing... it's not a she. Now I'm not saying try that exact thing when coming out as your situation probably isn't the same as mine was. But I found that coming out without actually saying "I'm gay" was much easier for me and the couple friends that I've told have all taken it really well and have been totally cool about it. Good luck and I hope everything works out good for you!
