I have a question - is it considered coming out when I meet someone, who is also gay, either online or through a local glbt group and discuss that I am gay? Is coming out only when you discuss it with people who you have known and not new people who you meet in a gay context? I know it probably does not really matter what label you put on it, but I am curious what people think.
Well, I consider only people I tell in my offline life to count. Since apart from 1 person on MSN the only people I'm out to online are from EC. So by that definition I would say yes, I would count talking to a person at a local glbt group about being gay as coming out.
Hi, That's a good question. I think coming out refers to of not hiding ones sexual orientation. I think a person can have many 'coming outs' to people (regardless of their orientation and the context in which it is happening). What do others think about it? Hope this is of some help!
IMO, coming out is simply telling someone you're gay. It's a big deal because in most cases there is pressure to not be gay, so when you do tell someone -- you're coming out of (of the closet) hiding and being honest with them. This doesn't mean you need go around telling the world about it, so I think it mostly applies to the people that you actually worry about telling (hiding from). Personally, me telling other gay men that I'm gay can be intimidating as well, so I would consider it "coming out." The thing is, it's more of a confession of something that other people may not accept, so most of the time you feel like you're fighting something. Eventually, (for me at least) it will get to the point where you just don't need to be in that fight any more because you could care less what other people think of you. Ideally, in that context you'd be able to start living, and stop straight-up surviving.
I believe you're out if, when someone asks you if you are gay/bi; you say yes. Coming out is more of a self acceptance thing so it doesn't matter who or what is asking you, just saying that you're gay/bi to a brick wall is part of coming out.
To me, coming out is defined by a point at which you no longer hide your orientation from a peer group or individual. That could mean your school, your mom, a forum online, or anything else. There's no hard-and-fast definition however, so it's up to you to define.
It's simply not living a lie. It's not avoiding the subject when it comes up, or playing pronoun games ("I'm seeing someone.") It doesn't have to involve a big announcement to anybody, really. I specifically remember telling my sister, and a good friend, but that's about it. The rest just picked up on it. Lex
On a forum like EC or an lgbt group, people assume you're something to do with lgbt. So I wouldn't say you come out here, as such, you're "never in", as Mama says.
hah... I think of coming out as an ongoing thing. When you're out, you're out to whomever you happen to have told that you're gay/bi/trans/etc... so it goes to follow that yes, you are in fact - in that situation - coming out... Eh... if that answers your question? XD
Agreed. That's often the hardest discussion to have - the one with yourself. Personally, I consider myself to have 'come out' to someone when they previously thought of me as straight. So I've come out to my parents, my sister, my best friends, and my wife. I suppose even those people that I don't know, but who would have presumed I was straight until told otherwise could be considered people that I've come out to. That would include my therapist and other people in my 12 step groups. I didn't really consider it 'coming out' to someone that I met under the pretenses that I was gay - i.e. on some kind of LGBT web site. If I wasn't gay, why else would I be there? But knowing your situation, it doesn't diminish the significance of meeting someone and talking openly about being gay. That is a HUGE step forward. So like others have said, I'm not sure it really matters how you define 'coming out'. What is important is that you're on your way towards living a more honest and authentic life. Good luck! And congrats!
