My Coming Out Story (Long Post, Sorry)

First off, let me apologize for writing a novel here, but I really wanted to cover as much as possible and I hope my story helps other people out who are having trouble with coming out.

I’m really not sure where to begin, but I’ll start when I figured out I was gay. I started noticing guys around the age of 11 or 12. I never noticed girls the way I noticed guys. At first I was in complete denial and thought it was just a phase or something. And coming from a somewhat religious family I began praying every day for God to help me, but of course that did absolutely nothing. At the age of 13 or 14 I thought really hard about it and came to the realization that I was gay and there was nothing I could do about it.

I’m a very shy and nervous guy and for some reason I always worried about what people thought of me. Throughout all of my teen years I was very depressed and often contemplated suicide. I felt very alone and I never told anyone up until I was about 20 years old. And it wasn't voluntarily. I forget how it was brought up, but my sister questioned me one day about it. I ended up getting really mad at her and didn’t talk to her for a while. But she sent me a text message and said if I was that was okay and she wouldn't tell anyone. So, I told her. She sent me a long and supporting text message and we talked about it for a while. She was very supportive and helped me out a lot through some hard times.

The next person I told was my little brother. He’s a very open-minded guy so I didn’t really think he would have an issue with it. I told him over AIM. He was completely accepting and our relationship hasn't changed at all. If anything it’s grown stronger, the same as with my sister.

About a year later, pretty much all of my siblings knew but I hadn't told my parents. I always kind of distanced myself from my parents in fear that they wouldn't be accepting if I told them. I figured if I wasn't that close to them, then maybe I wouldn't care so much if they disowned me. I was living with my sister at the time (about a thousand miles away from home), and she was pushing me to tell my parents and get it over with. I couldn't do it. Finally after talking to my sister for a while, she confessed that she had already told them and that they didn’t care. She was just pushing me to tell them so that I could get it over with and move on. At first I was angry at her for telling them, but I got over it after my mom and dad talked to me about it. They were both very accepting and told me they were really proud of me and that they loved me unconditionally. Of course I cried but I was happier than I had ever been.

I’ve always had suspicions that my best friend knew about me being gay (never having a girlfriend, not really showing interest in the opposite sex), but I wasn't sure. I’ve known him since I was 4. He was raised in a strict religious household and his parents have a strong stance against homosexuality. And there were times when he made fun of gay people and used phrases like “that’s gay” and “faggot”. So naturally I was scared to tell him in fear of losing him as a friend.

One day we got into an argument about religion. I basically told him that shouldn’t be so religious and that he needed to be more open-minded about things. I also told him he shouldn’t judge people and use his religion to condemn people (I had seen him make comments on facebook about homosexuals). He took this offensively (obviously) and ended up removing me as a friend on facebook. I ended up apologizing a couple weeks later and we were friends again. Then one day we were playing Xbox and talking. The topic of homosexuality came up and he said he didn’t have a problem with people that are gay. Then a bit later I was talking to a person that joined our lobby in the game we were playing. The random person said nothing. I said “hm, I guess no one likes me today”. My friend replied with “I’m your friend; I’ll always like you, no matter what”. Stressing the “no matter what” part. At that point I knew that he knew. So I ended up telling him a little later on facebook. He said that he got the hint after our little religious debate and that he didn't care either way. He was completely fine with it and asked why I didn’t tell him sooner. He told me we’d always be friends no matter what, which made me feel really great. Once again, one of the best days of my life.

Shortly after that, I decided it was time for my grandmother to know. I love my grandmother a lot and I lived with her for a large portion of my life. But I knew her stance on homosexuality and was afraid to tell her. I remember one moment in particular when I was a kid; a gay-related show came on television and she acted disgusted and changed the channel. Anyway, I was talking to my other sister about it, and she told me that my grandmother already knew because she told her a while back (all of my sisters have big mouths, apparently, lol). I wasn't sure how she felt about it so I had my sister call her and ask her. After she asked her, she handed the phone to me and let me talk to her. She told me she would always love me and as long as I’m happy, she was happy. I told her I wasn't sure how she’d react because I knew how she felt about homosexuality. She said she was fine with it and she still loves me. Apparently she changed her view on homosexuals after discovering that I was which was great. Sometimes coming out to people really helps them to become more open-minded and accepting.

And that's pretty much it up until this point. I still have a quite a few people I want to tell but I'm not quite ready yet. But all in all I have had nothing but good reactions, which is something I never expected. I feel really lucky to have such an awesome and accepting family. I've read other people's stories that were not quite as pleasant so I know it could have been a lot worse. I know it won’t be exactly like this for everyone, but I am slowly coming out to more and more people and I have never been happier. This phrase may be over-used, but it really does get better.

Thanks for reading.

 

Thanks everyone for the replies. It means a lot! I have recently told a few online friends as well as a few friends I know from work. Surprisingly it has gone great! The only thing I regret now is that I didn't do this a long time ago instead of living depressed so long. But I must say it feels great to be myself now!

And thanks to this forum for helping me to find the courage to finally come out. Reading over some of these stories really has helped a lot.

 

So I have another update for you guys!

I talked to my friend (the religious one) and asked if he had by chance told his parents. Apparently he did. I have heard them make homophobic remarks in the past and once (a looong time ago) I heard his mother say that she would take their youngest child out of school if they brought the "It's okay to be gay" program to the school he went to.

But anyway he told me that she still considers me her 5th child (lol, I was over at his house practically every day when I was younger) and that she wouldn't confront me or question me about it. She also told her son (my best friend) and another one of our friends that they better not pick on me about it. They never would, but still.

How cool is that? I would have never expected that reaction from her. I live in a very small conservative town and I pictured this whole process to go completely different, in a bad way. It's amazing how coming out to people can completely change their perspective on things.