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(Long Story)I came out to my parents, but...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by GayNerd, Aug 14, 2013.

  1. GayNerd

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    I was in my bedroom, on Empty Closets™ on my Nintendo 3ds Internet. My brother was in the game room plaing the Wii™. My Dad was watching TV, and my Mom was coming from her bedroom.

    My Mom knocked on my bedroom door, and asked if everything was okay. I said "Um, Mom, there's something I need to tell you." While I was saying this, I got up from the bed and walked towards my Mom. There was a 5 Second pause. Then I said "I'm Gay." My Mom must have been shocked, because there was a 15 Second Pause. Then she said "Um, okay. (3 Second Pause) Let's go talk to Dad about this." My Mom grabbed my hand and we went to the Living Room, where my Dad was.

    After I told my Dad, there was about a 1 Minute Pause. During that time, I started crying. My Dad asked me "Why are you crying?" I said(while still crying) "I don't know how you will react to this." My Mom hugged me and said "Don't cry." My Dad said "It doesn't matter. We just want you to be who you are."

    (This next part really got me upset)

    My Dad said "You're too young to be thinking about stuff like this. It's unhealthy. You should be thinking about School, Sports, what you want to be when you're older. Besides, if you think about this more, you might not be Gay." I said "I really think that I am Gay." My Dad said "Don't box yourself in. You should be thinking about this LATER. Not now."

    (There are additional details, but I choose not to share them. At least, not now. I will say just a little more.)

    My Dad said "You're just surrounded by these things. That's why you think you're Gay." I said "I know that. But..." My Dad interrupted me by saying "Stop thinking about this." I reluctantly said "Okay." I then hugged my parents.

    I don't know if my brother heard me. But I think that it's best that I don't tell him right now.

    What I do know is that I am still thinking about it. But it's because I'm on EC. My parents don't know I am.

    But they are right. I should stop thinking about it. I'm thinking of deleting my EC account.


    Thanks for reading this.
     
  2. dfiant

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    I think it is time for you to start trusting yourself.

    Your father is grieving mate, and he is going through the 'denial' phase of grieving, don't stop being yourself because of your father...NOW is the time when you need to be yourself the most because you are going to need the love and support of your family more than ever.

    Forcing yourself not the think about being gay, and even deleting your EC account is NOT going to make you less gay, it will only make your father feel more comfortable with the situation. While I understand you want to make your Dad happy, you have to think about what makes YOU happy.

    Be strong mate, your father will learn what he needs to learn if your just be yourself :wink:
     
  3. GayNerd

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    What do I do now?
     
  4. dfiant

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    Don't change, just be the same you that you have been, the people around you need to adapt and realise that you are perfect the way that you are mate.

    Your father is just grieving, he will come around eventually, he just needs time mate. :wink:

    I knew I was gay when I was 11, I told my Mum when I was 12 after my BF broke up with me and she told me 'It's a phase you are going through.'

    32 years later and here I am.

    You can't change who you are, trust yourself on this because you do know who you are and you know you are right about who you are, you father just needs to adapt.

    So just be yourself, give your father time, and stay right here on EC, you are going to need someone to chat with from time to time :wink:
     
  5. GayNerd

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    Thank you. You just made my day. In fact, I think tonight I'll have 2 servings of soda instead of 1. Thanks!
     
  6. Nick07

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    Hi,

    I know what you mean by deleting your account. I was part of other boards (not gay related) and I could tell that they had been influencing my mood and the things I thought about.

    I also understand where your parents are coming from. They are probably not prepared for dealing with sex related stuff at your age. All parents sort of hope that this will come at around age of consent or better yet at 18...

    Also, the truth is that some people know from really early years, like dfiant said. But when you look around this forum, there is a lot of threads of much older people who are still not sure or doubting (or in denial).

    I don't want you to doubt yourself. But for now there is probably not much to talk about with your parents. I believe they would react a bit similar if you told them that you were in love with a girl. It their eyes, it's simply too soon.

    You have come out to them, let them get used to the idea. If I were you I would probably not provoke any more talks about sex. Give them some time.

    And congrats :slight_smile:
     
  7. jimL

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    I agree with dfiant. Be who you are. Your parents are in the denial stage and hopefully with a little time they will come around. Don't let anyone tell you who you should or shouldn't be. It is time to think about it and figure out who you are. This is a very good place for you to be looking for the answers, so don't delete your account. This is your support group. Good luck!
     
  8. GayNerd

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    I'm amazed about how many people care in such a short time. I wish I could tell 16 Hours ago me it DOES get better!
     
  9. ivy552

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    Well done for taking that difficult first step. I think dfiant has said everything I would have said. Give your parents time to get used to the news. Above all, be yourself.
     
  10. kresukun

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    The strength you have at such a young age is commendable. I'm 19, still not thinking now is the right time to tell my family. Yesterday was the first time I came out to someone and it was the best feeling, and that night I was able to sleep knowing I made a small change in my life for the better.

    People as young as you are an inspiration to us older folk that struggle with our everyday lives, not because we're gay, but the fact we can't find the courage to tell the right people and being braced for the reactions.

    Have a great and lovable future, I hope you will find the right person for you.
     
  11. GayNerd

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    Thank you. But I must admit, without Empty Closets™, I'd still be in the closet(metaphorically).
     
  12. Randy

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    Just give your parents some time to settle in their mind and they will eventually be in the right mindset of what their son said rang true.

    I'd like to think that when parents act like this, they're not mad at the actual situation at hand. They're probably more mad at the fact that the dream of a man having a wife and two beautiful kids living in a house on a prarie :slight_smile:lol:slight_smile: has been shattered. Trust me, they do accept you, the problem is that their dream for their kid has been shattered. Another thought that is probably going through your dad's mind is the fact that, ultimately, he thinks your too young and your decision is premature...puberty and all that. I don't see where parents get this thought but it's perfectly valid.
     
  13. Data

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    Tails! Congrats!

    I would beg that you NOT delete your account. You don't have to post or read if you don't want to, but at least your account (and us) will be here a click away to give advice and support.

    Your parents are most definitely grieving. They have had their image of the future you shattered. If they assumed you would grow up and get married/have kids, they now have just had that image denied and are mourning your straight identity.

    Whether you are gay, and whether your parents accept it are two totally different things. A straight guy can think about being gay all day and all night. He won't turn gay. A gay guy can do the same and he won't be straight. It boils down to: I am sexually attracted to men. That is what makes you gay. You know it in your heart. If you are sure of what you feel in your heart, don't let ANYONE make you feel bad or make you feel like you're wrong.

    So, you told them. If they take some time to think about, maybe they'll be more open to the idea. If not, just live your life. You'll become more and more certain about your sexuality as time goes by. Eventually you'll date someone. If that person is a guy, they'll know you were telling the truth when he walks through the door!

    Again congrats and please think about keeping your account active. There is SO much collective wisdom here, it's mind boggling!
     
  14. blueberrymuffin

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    Thinking about it isn't the problem. No one works up the courage and comes out, unless they are sure, and it's a shame your dad reacted that way. But i still think in time they'll get behind it. Above all, don't go 'back in' the closet.
     
  15. GayNerd

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    Thank you for your response. But, not wanting to think about my Sexuality isn't the reason why I'm thinking of deleting my account. I won't say why, but I'm still considering deleting it.
     
  16. Data

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    Ok. That's fair. As long as you make a rational decision, who are we to say? Whether you delete or not, congrats on coming out.
     
  17. Mlpguy88

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    First off, congratulations, telling them is a major step. You are doing the right thing, not thinking about it wouldn't help you. And based on what you said, your parents still love you. They may not want this to be the person you are, but they still care about you. Try to remember that.

    And as for deleting your account, what ever reason you have for wanting to do that we respect your decision, but remember that we are all here to help you. I hope you will chose to stay around
     
  18. GayNerd

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    I did get 2 servings of Orange Soda today.
     
  19. Niko

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    Congrats on coming out! :grin:
     
  20. Pat

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    We have to learn how to stop using that "think" word. Don't allow others to cast doubt on what you're saying. If you're certain you're gay, from now on, stand firmly in that. According to studies, kids begin exploring sexuality as early on as 9. Kudos to you for even knowing what gay was because I had no idea and was pretty much, not in denial, but I didn't really have the epiphany that I was gay until college.. I think as you get older, your feelings will only intensify and are less likely to include the opposite sex if you were able to tell someone so early on. I wish you the best! :slight_smile: