Ok so today I finally felt like I had to do it and told my parents over dinner that Im Gay. They both seemed shocked and quiet for a second, but then were overwhelmingly nice. they reassured me that they loved me many times. It was so strange. Felt like an out of body experience. Like it hadnt just happened. But now that it is out and open and good I am left with this empty feeling. I dont know what is wrong. I should be thrilled by this experience but im left sad and confused. whats wrong with me?
Perhaps it's just shock. Maybe subconsciously you feel like your relationship with your parents has lost some of its innocence? You'll probably feel a lot better about it tomorrow/in a few days, just give it time.
Sometimes we spend so long building up to it in our own minds that when we actually do it it's an anti-climax. It just goes OK, not exceptionally wonderful and not awful, and that's it done. Weeks of months of build-up for just that. Also this thing that has been occupying your thoughts for a while is no longer so prominent, and there is nothing to immediately replace it. So the empty feeling is not that unusual and is understandable.
thanks part of me is saying did that really just happen. like i should write it down or something cause I might not remember tommorow lol. feels so unreal. and i havent felt this emotional ever
Paul's right ^^^ I came out to my mom and dad at separate times and both times I had built up what I thought it would be like in my mind, I thought it was going to be negative and that they would disown me or at least have a huge problem with it but when I actually did it they were fine with it and I was thinking "what the hell!" even though I was happy about their positive reaction instead of them having a negative reaction it still took me a while to get over that empty feeling. All I can say is congrats! and know that it's completely normal for you to feel like you are feeling and it will go away. And that unreal, floating on cloud 9, want to cry feeling is normal too.
thanks. its the strangest thing ever. dont know to cry or smile. part of me almost feels dissapointed that it was discussed then they did the dishes and talked about movies. i kept bringing it up and there like were ok. ur still u. we love u. move on. i havent even gotten to the happy feeling yet
Congratulations on coming out to them! (!) And I'm really glad they reacted well I haven't come out to my parents yet, but with one or two of my friends, I've got myself all worked up because they haven't mentioned it or it's just passed over or something - having spoken to them afterwards it's because they're trying ever so hard not to make a big deal of it, whilst I've spent the last decade making a big deal of it. So I think it's probably exactly as Paul said, this clash between the months/years of it all building up, and then the reality of it, and then having nothing to occupy your thoughts afterwards. You may be in shock a little bit aswell, and in fact, so may your parents, even though they are supportive. But I would focus on the fact that it went well, and not worry too much about anything else, such as the feelings you are having. I think that it is probably usual to get an anti-climatic feeling or something. And I think that feeling weird and things afterwards is probably normal, and that elation probably only comes after. I think that you also have to remember that you have probably been feeling similar feelings for quite a while - such as fear - and now that void is being filled with a mixture of other ones, which is bound to be confusing. But congrats!!
thanks for the congrats its funny but the first thing that came to mind when i was alone was regret. i had kinda wished i hadnt told them. even thought they had a better reaction then i could have possibly imagined, I felt as though things had forever changed and we would never have that simplicity again. that has started to pass now but was something completely unexpected. I wanted to come out and be honest represent who I really am. I craved the honesty. I never imagined I would miss the innocence like Adrian said. strange. things you would never had expected. but am finally loosing the surrealness and stopping the sad I honestly dont even remember the sentence when i said im gay. my heart was beating too loud
As I said, I've never come out to my parents, but I'm worried about the feeling that once you've said it you've said it, and that nothing will ever be the same again. There is also the fact that whatever your parents' reaction, once you have told them, you lose the ability to tell them, if that makes sense. Whilst you are in the closet you have some semblance of control, in that you can decide whether or not, and when, and how to come out; although whether being in the closet is really control, or just an illusion of control, I don't know. I certainly feel in control in the closet. But what I mean is, whilst your parents' reaction may be good, you have actually suddenly lost all control of the situation, because you have lost possession of the secret, which is no longer a secret. I'm not sure if I'm making myself clear, and this may in any case not be the case with you - but I have kind of felt with friends that the secret has been mine for so long, that by telling it not only do I deflate it but I also kind of lose it? And thinking about you, that secrecy has been keeping you feeling safe for so long, like a blanket, but now it's gone - and whatever your parents reactions, you are still kind of exposed, because you've lost that blanket of secrecy you've had for so long. Is this making any sense? Probably not; I'm tired. But I think that once you have come out, it is maybe difficult to know where to go from there. Combined with losing control of the secret, if that makes sense, and the fact that you can never unsay what you've said, that easily makes for feelings of regret and weirdness I think. But I'm not sure I'm making sense, so I shall go now! Sorry for my dire attempt to communicate
no u totally made sense to me after u tell, u lose all control u cant control what happens when the words are out
Welcome to EC and congratulations on coming out to your parents! :icon_bigg Glad that it went well and that they are supportive. As the others have said, it is a normal part of coming out. We all work ourselves up for it and think about what might or could happen if we tell this to our parents or friends. In the end once we do tell, and we do get a supportive response suddenly it does not seem such a big deal anymore and you probably think why haven't I said something sooner. At the same time as ccdd mentioned you've let go of a secret and you can no longer control it. I'm in that spot myself actually. I came out to a very good friend of mine. Once I told him (via e-mail) I had an empty feeling but it was replaced by a feeling of being on cloud nine once he e-mailed me back and was totally supportive. But slowly I can feel the empty feelings again, because now I no longer have a control over my long kept secret. Today, for the first time, I started worrying about what happens if he does say something by accident, even though I know I can trust him fully. At the same time, the odd and empty feelings linger in the background because now I am questioning where do I go from here what should I do next? I know I have time to figure everything out but it is still very hard. For me, I think the empty feelings come in part because of my worries about what others might think or how they might react. Part of it is being afraid that something is going to be taken away from me that I have known for ever or for a long time.... I hope this makes some sense.
Gratz on coming out. And the others are right. When I came out to my half-uncle, I was happy for a bit, but then I dunno I stopped feeling or something, cos suddenly it was like 'Great - I'm out. Now what?' Secret told. Another one bites the dust. Yippee.
congrats on coming out, that was a very brave thing to doil be honest my coming out to my parents was long overdue because i let my secret consume me and i let it affect my life. unforchnately i did not have much control over my coming out I told my parents when I came in somewhat drunk. Once I was out they were happy for me and said they kind of knew, the thing they were more concerned about was my way of dealing with my secret, by drinking.... i felt a little deflated once i told them because it was like it was official, no going back my biggest hurdle was passed. no im out to everyone and occasionally i do have waves of worry where i wish i was back in the closet cos its all a bit much. all i would say is ride the storm it does get better, if you are comfortable with yourself other people will be too, and any of your friends who are not- either will come round in time (as mine have) or they are not the ones for you. I think what you have done is a brilliant move towards a happy future, i know it might not seem so now . you expect a flash of light ot a sudden change in life but it does not happen like that its bizarre. sorry if i babbled but i hope some of what i said made sense
Well thing definately took a turn for the worse last night. they both kept saying to me that they know im not ga. that im confused and havent fiured out who I am. My mom kept crying. Dad suggested i go to therapy. I kept my cool and didnt say anything.
