As some of you know, today I came out to my brother. We were close growing up, practically brothers. While I was, for all intents and purposes, the sister and daughter, didn't see us that way. I was jealous of my brother for years since he "got to be a boy" and I had no choice but to take what I was given, despite knowing that I could do basically whatever he did despite gender/sex. We'd been growing apart when puberty hit and he went off to college. I basically pushed everyone away, not just him, as I dealt with depression and body issues. Well. This year, figured out I was a man. And I've begun the process of coming out and socially transitioning. Knew he had to be the first family member I came out to, since we'd be close as kids and he, out of everyone, was the one person who'd best understand what being transgender meant. Extended family, I'm sure, is just as open minded so the people I have to worry about reaction wise are my parents. So I tried to figure out the best way to come out over the past few months. Text? Email? In person? When and how? Timing was everything. Had to make sure we were alone and since he worked and hardly saw him without some other family member the opportune time didn't come until today. I needed a chauffeur so I could run down to the store to get my three year old sister a birthday present. He was available. Went to Target, drove downtown to get sushi. I knew this was my window of opportunity. Didn't think I'd have another chance like this again. We go through the mall and head to the food court where there's this sushi stand. Figure I'll tell him while we eat. So we order, sit down, and whole time I'm sitting there, trying to figure out how to break it. Anxiety's flaring up. Can't eat the sushi without looking like a dumbass. We leave and I haven't come out. Heading to car and anxiety's still flaring. I'm kicking myself. So I'll tell him in the car. Or text. Yeah. I'll text him. We get in the car, drive off to grocery store to get errands. I'm still anxious and shit and he happens to notice. Asks me what's wrong. I say I'm fine. "Something's definitely up. Now I've got to know," he says. And so, I jump on the opportunity. "Actually, uh..." I rub at my neck. "There is something I've got to tell you. Something about me." He doesn't seem put off. "What?" "Well...uh." "Think I know." "Care to guess?" "You say it first." My hands are shaking like crazy. "Shit. Wasn't planning on telling you for another year. Well, uh, never thought I'd have to say this. So. Uh... I'm not a lesbian. I'm, uh...I'm a man. I'm transgender." He'd seen it coming. Wasn't surprised. Said he'd figured something was up since my family had moved back to Oregon, that'd I'd been dropping subtle hints. We'd been living in Oregon for almost three years. He'd known for longer than I had. Rest of ride, talked about transition, how I'd figured it out. Recommended threads on Reddit, the usual "need to teach you about being a man", offered support when I finally decided to come out to family. Approved of new name and for now, secret's safe with him. So yeah. I am now officially out to my brother. Feeling on top of the world.
