Grab your popcorn folks, this is gonna be a long story.

Hi.
My name is Emily, im Bisexual...or lesbian....its complicated and im trying to figure it out.
Oh well XD
Im semi-feminine semi-masculine, Like not lipstick or butch...i guess im in the middle lolz
I remember when i was little, people always gave me this terrible vision of gay people. Like ' oh there hell bound satan worshipping little child molesters '....yea that bad
As an impressionable young child (like dont give me hate i was like 4 or 5 ish) i believed it.
My views have obviously changed.
My cousin coming out really opened my mind about homosexuality/bisexuality.
I started to realize i might be Bisexual around the end of 5th grade.
I denied it. I was scared. "What if everyone hates me? What if my social life collapses?"
In my struggle, people began "dating". Obviously straight relationships, at that young age.
I tried to distract myself with meaningless, immature "relationships".
I dont even count them as relationships.
It didnt work.
6th grade rolled along, and i was a mess.
Emotionally, that is.
I began cutting, badly.
I conemplated suicide, but my best friends talked me out of it.
Trevor, Serenity, i doubt youll ever read this but i love you guys <3
Again, i desprately attempted to distract myself.
I didnt suceed, but i found my true passion.
Music <3
My school wasnt exactly LGBT friendly.
I went to a small, tight knit country school.
One word to describe it?
PREPPY.
Me, being an extreme tomboy at the time, had sooo much trouble fitting in with the girls.
"OMGEE ____ IS SOOO HAWT!!!"
"Is my shirt tight enough?" ( the answer is yes )
"Is my make up ok?" (the answer is no, EW GURL.)
Luckily, i had one thing i looked forward to everyday at school.
Technology!
I was in an class of all guys...and me, the only girl.
Surprisingly, i was so happy to hear this!
Finally, i could get away from all these obnoxious ultra femimnine preps
I sat next to a close friend of mine at the time, Wade.
He was hilarious XD
I fit in really well which shocked my teacher.
He was afraid i would be unhappy.
NOPE.
Anyway, it was a blast.
My friend came out to me as Bisexual.
Then my best friend at the time did.
They both gave me confidence to come out to a few close people.
One, who turned on me.
She spread rumors.
She lied.
I relapsed back into my depression
The rest of my time at that school was awful.
I had to get out.
I told my mom i was being bullied, the work was too easy, etc.
She let me switch back to my districts middle school, where all my old friends were.
Including my bestie, Serenity
I was soooo happy.
I made new friends, too.
People like me, we were all in an Advanced Education program.
My friend Tristan and Josh were the first one i came out too at that school.
They were awesome about it!
Then Serenity.
She didn't care at all, she cares about who i am not who i liked.
Little by little I told all of my close friends.
It was great!
Then...not so great again.
I was dating this awesome guy...but it didnt work.
I began cutting again, and just stopped about 4 days ago.
I guess i have battle scars now.
I was picked on too. That didnt help.
On the bright side, basically everyone in the Advanced program knew about me being Bi.
(we are a close family )
Even the teachers XD
It started to get out of hand when other people started to find out.
Im afraid about telling my family though..
what if they shun me?
what if they hate me?
Why do i have to be like this?!
I used to ask myself that all the time....
But now im okay.
Im proud of myself now.
Im okay.
And i will tell them someday.
But that day is not today.
Tahnks for reading this far...
Love you guys!

ride:

---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2013 at 05:49 PM ----------

p.s. sorry for all the spelling/grammatical mistakes XD

 

@hitgirl Thanks