My great, then not so great, coming out experience.

So first, some background.
I've lived in a small town for almost my whole life. My dad got married to my step mom when I was 3, so he, my sister, and I moved in with my step mom, my three brothers, and my other sister (order by age: dad, mom, 3 brothers, step sister, me, biological sister). My oldest brother was a total stoner and was in and out of jail most of the time. My seccond oldest brother just graduated and moved out. He still visits every once in a while, and as far as i can tell he's doin' good in life.

My youngest older brother was my best friend when we were little. I would be his little tag-along when he was hanging out with his friends. But of course when he was a teen-ager he didn't want to hang out with his little brother around. I've always been a really thoughtful person, and I've never been too in-sync with my emotions so usually when I feel something I have to deeply consider all sides of the story before I let my self feel anything. Now when my brother started hanging out with me less and less I was upset, but after careful consideration, I put together that he was older and it was probably pretty lame having a little kid around, so I accepted it and moved on. But then he sarted acting weird. I, being very observant, saw this before most people. I kept an eye on him and found out he'd followed in my oldest brothers footsteps. He'd started drinking and smoking pot, and a lot of people would say 'so, he's a teen-ager he's just experimenting.' But its not just that, he'd betrayed my parents trust and on multiple occasions my mom cried. And he wasn't a nice drunk either, twice he came home and beat me up for no reason. One noght he fought with my parents and then he left. He lives with his dad now, and I don't see him much.

Skip ahead to the almost present.
I'm going to skip all the stuff about my feelings developing when I was younger as, I'm sure you've read it before. So starting about February this year I had this friend, and she was gay. I knew because we were in marching band, and the previous summer we all shared deep secrets in an effort to be closer as a 'family'. Anyway she was an extremely open person and she really liked to read porn. We would discuss and debate all kinds of inappropriate subjects. Now, I had to talk my way around things a lot because I was still in the closet, but eventually i just got tired of it so I just sent her a message telling her I was gay. The look on her face was priceless. :roflmao: She was in total shock and I can't blame her, I didn't even have to try to hide it from people, it was just natural. I wouldn't describe myself as the most masculine guy around, but I'm certainly never gonna be first picked in a gay line-up.

After that we were even more open with eachother and we expanded our group a little. We started hanging out with another guy and girl. I eventually came out to them too, and as it turns out we're all more or less in the same boat. The other girl is bi-curious, and the guy is bi (not gonna lie i thought he was pretty hot :lol: , but he was taken). So now I was out to 4 people. It felt really good to be able to talk about gay stuff and actually get feedback instead of just talking to my bedroom ceiling.

Then the summer rolled around and the best sport/art/club ever invented ever began again. MARCHING BAND! Woooooooooot! Yeah I tend to nerd out over it. So it was time to toil in the sun for hours at a time for weeks on end, with my band family. And when I say family I mean it; the marcing band at my highschool has always been really close (&&&). My first year my confidence was at its lowest point. I wont get into details but I had started to cut myself and it wasn't because I was gay. Anyway marhing and having fun with these people made me tremendously more confident, and it usually takes years for me to open up even a little with someone but with these people it took less than a month. That being said I was still fairly uncomfortable around them because I'm just nervous by nature. The seccond year in the band I had lost most of the confidence that I'd built up the previous year.But this time it came back with a vengence. After that summer I walked with a really confident air, people stopped making fun of me because I stopped caring, and I spent more time with friends and family. The third year my confidence sky-rocketed and I was able to walk and talk with whoever, whenever, and wherever. I became a true socialite. I was still not normal in any sense of the word, but I was fun and happy. (!) :eusa_danc :smilewave: eusa_doh:

Now this was my fourth year and I was completely comfortable and cool around everyone.

*side note*
In band we had this director who absolutely hated cussing and 'thats what she said' jokes and stuff like that. I have absolutely no idea why but I could yell and cuss and joke about anything in front of her and she didn't care. It was pretty amazing. Anyway that dosen't pertain to the story at all, I just felt like sharing.

The first thing you need to know is 'what happens on the band bus, STAYS on the band bus!' We've all done some pretty weird stuff during truth or dare, and we all know our fair share of secrets. I figured it would be a good time to come out, so i tried to piont the game in that direction. Eventually one of the guys asked what my deepest secret was and I said 'I'm gay'. :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: was the general reaction. But they were all okay with it, even the guy who I was, very openly, crushing on. After that I was the gay kid it the drumline and people made jokes, which dosen't bother me, I even joked with them. If your bothered by gay jokes you're a pussy, and you have some serious insecurity issues that need immediate attention.

After that I told most of my firends about it. They were fine because most of them are gay/bi/some other weird thing. But then comes my parents. I just told them a few days ago, and I thought they took it really well. My mom didn't anything, but my dad just sat me down and told me that he didn't judge me any more or love me any less. But of course it didn't last. Last night he came to me and said that I'd broken his heart and he's been there and didn't want me to repeat his mistakes.....uuuuugh. So I thought all was well, and I even planned to come out at school, but no, apparently not. He told me not to tell anyone I hadn't already told, and I'm not one to disobey my parents so I guess It's just gonna stay a secret for a while. But I guess my older sister figured it out because this morning i found a note she slipped under my door. It said that my parents just needed time and I should accept myself as I am. (*hug*) I love my sister.

So I guess thats it, please comment, give advice, and correct any grammatical errors you may have seen.
Thanks for reading!