I finally came out to my mom yesterday. I still do all this by email and text cause i have a really hard time putting words together talking about it. And I still beat around the bush. I had a feeling she wouldn't care. And shes said in the past "are you sure there is nothing you want to talk to me about. Anything? You can tell me anything." And I get the "I just want you to be happy" line all the time. But she is also typically very emotional, a major drama queen, and your basic typical mother. I just had my tonsils removed so I can't really speak anyway. I'm in a ton of pain. And on a ton of drugs. Which probably helped with this. Here is my e-mail: Hi mom. I've been wanting to talk to you about this for a while but I still can't put the words together. It's really hard to talk about for me still for some reason which is why I'm doing this by e-mail. So I figure there's no time like now, since I really can't speak anyway. So I don't have to worry about an awkward phone call that I really don't want to have right now. Everyone I've had this conversation with has been by e-mail or text, because I have a really hard time putting the words together. And I usually beat around the bush even by email and text too. It's stupid but it's the only thing that works. I'm gonna do it again here. You're always asking me if I'm happy and telling me you want me to be happy no matter what blah blah blah. I always tell you ya ya I'm happy change the subject. Cause again talking about it just doesn't work for me. The truth is I was mostly happy but always hiding something from you and everyone else. And it always killed me to hide it because I always felt like I was lying. And it leaves an empty hole in my life too, which doesn't help. It upset me not telling you, but since i wasn't telling you, I was always upset but not telling you why. I feel like even when this wasn't a topic of discussion, it hurt us being together because i was always clambered up hiding something. So I'm sorry about that. You've never lied or hidden anything from me and there's no reason I should have from you. So back to beating around the bush and avoiding actually saying it. You know how you always remind me and beth that you'd love a grandchild to spoil? Ya about that. That is going to have to be Beth's problem. When I get a dog, you're welcome to consider it one of your grandchildren and send it gifts. But that will be about it I think, sorry. No, I won't be getting married anytime soon. It's legal here now, but it's not on the radar anytime soon. Sorry again. The only thing I can offer is that having a gay son is apparently the "in thing" these days. Everybody's doing it. Even the cool people. So now you have one. Well you've had one for a long time, but you know what i mean. So now I'll try to answer what I think are the inevitable next questions in the coming inquisition. I'm a nerd, so I'll do bullet points. Yes I'm sure. Known for a long time, just kept it hidden. I started telling my friends in November last year. There's about 8 that know and all have been totally cool about it and supportive. Even ones I was worried wouldn't be. The friends I have not told are simply because I don't talk to them much anyway, or I don't trust them to keep their mouths shut about it. This is the happiest I have been in years ever since I finally started telling my friends. All the guilt from hiding and pretending went away. I haven't told anyone in the family yet. You're the first. Beth doesn't even know. Yes I have someone special. His name is Mike. We've been dating for about 6 months. He's an airplane nut, nerd, loves boating, and loves animals. Yes, he is the Mike that has been taking care of me after my tonsil surgery. It made the worst of it so much better. Yes I can send you a picture, maybe later or tomorrow. Yes his family has 6 dogs and 10 horses. Sorry about your allergies. No, nothing bad has ever happened to me because of this. Ok, that's about all I'm going to ramble on about for now. I'm sure this is more than enough for you to process in one e-mail. I love you! Can't wait to come visit you soon. So a few hours later, the phone rings. It's mom. I'm expecting her to be crying. Not upset or disappointed or anything. But having a general emotional incident. She so not surprised or emotional at all. "Hi Matt. I just got your email. I've kinda known this for a while now. It's ok. I love you always and I'm so glad you're happy." Well. That was anti-climactic.
