It's weird how fluid situations can be: one aspect of my coming-out experience that was extremely emotionally damaging led inadvertently to me coming out to the one person in my life I've feared the most coming out to since I knew I was bisexual more than three years ago. This is a strange statement to make, but although this is my first post, a friend of mine wrote on this same board looking for advice for me in a situation that I guess basically boils down to my male best friend sending extremely unclear and at times fully suggestive signals to me that ramped up after I came out to him. That situation is still the most confusing thing I've ever faced in my entire life, but the soul-searching it sparked and the emotions it aroused primed me to do something I never thought myself capable of doing. Yesterday, after another extremely confusing day with my best friend (I could elaborate, but that isn't the point of this post at all), I came home with only my Dad in the house with an obviously distressed air about me. He started to ask what was wrong and I gave him some crap answers. He was obviously really worried about me and put his hand on my shoulder and said that it was okay if I wanted to keep it inside, but that he was concerned about me and would want to do anything he could to make me feel better, whatever it needed to be, and whatever the issue was. Something clicked in my head at this point... my Dad and I have always had a wonderful relationship that I am honored to have, but I think my own inbuilt shame as to my sexuality and my fear caused me to think of him as someone he wasn't as related to my sexuality. I realized that if our bond is as strong as my whole life has told me it is, things should be okay if I tell him the truth. I started crying and he didn't know why, but I told him that I needed to talk to him about something important. He sat me down and I told him that the only reason I was telling him this was because I loved him and respected him more than anyone else in the world, and then told him about my sexuality. And it couldn't have gone better. He responded with a blanket statement of love and then said that he thought that one of the reasons I hadn't talked to him about it sooner was because of some of the homophobic remarks he has made in the past, and he apologized profusely for that. He said that either way, he understood the "journey" I needed to make in coming to terms with telling him, and that he would be happy about what I do in my romantic life as long as I were happy. We even moved almost immediately into talking about my situation with my friend (what started this chain of revelations in the first place), which I think means he's taking it really well so as to not only accept it in a vacuum but to accept it in practice as well. I think a lot of this was streamlined by the fact that, completely unknown to me until yesterday, my Dad had already been through the coming out experience of a child. I have a half-brother who I have never met who is evidently gay as well, and I think this may have allowed my Dad to go through some of the reasoning/emotions parents go through in these experiences. It was a point of connection to someone I had never met, but that I'm nonetheless thankful for. "I'm really glad to know you better," he said at the end. "I'm happy to be known," I replied. Occasionally, things work out, I guess? I'm heading back up to my college to do a summer research internship in a week and a half, but I'm planning on coming out to my mother before I leave. I think that I'm becoming less irrationally ashamed of myself in this. And I'm immeasurably glad to have my Dad 100% in my corner for all of the other confusing things going on in my life.
That's a very touching story yves. Congrats on coming out to your father and I'm glad he took it so well :icon_bigg I hope coming out to your mother will be as smooth as it was with your father and that things get clearer between you and your best-friend. (*hug*)
WOW! That's a truly amazing story. Thanks so much for sharing that here! And welcome to EC! I did read the thread that your friend started, and I'm glad she encouraged you to join here. You'll find this site really helpful just in terms of getting comfortable with yourself. And with respect to your friend, it sounds like he has some stuff to deal with as well, and until he does it's going to be difficult for you to relate to him in a close / intimate way. Good luck, and again, welcome to EC from Jim in Toronto!
Firstly, welcome to EC! Secondly, congrats! What a wonderful story! Thirdly, good luck with your mom!
I'm really glad that you managed to come out to him, and that he took it well! And the best of luck with your mum And welcome to EC!
Yves, thanks for sharing that with us. I have a tear in my eye. I am so happy for you! Welcome to EC.
Hi! Welcome to EC! Thank you for sharing your story. I can only share the sentiment stated above that it is a truly amazing story. Congratulations on coming out to your dad and I hope that it will go well with your mom. Good Luck!
Thank you all so much for the well wishes and greetings! Hopefully I'll find myself to be a presence here, ja?
Always good to hear a success story. I bet that felt like you had a HUGE weight lifted from your shoulders. Good luck with your Mother and everyone else.
Wow, It's lovely to see you here. That's a great thing that your dad was so accepting of you. And it's wonderful that you have such a beautiful friend who cares about you so much. Congratulations. (*hug*)
Congrats yves on this huge step forward. It's wonderful that your father was so understanding and accepting of you. There are times when I read coming out stories and I almost come to tears because I wish I could have had such a welcoming reaction as your dad's. I hope and am wishing that you will have an equally good response from your mother when you choose to come out to her. Good luck on your internship!
Wow that's awesome. I'm glad for you that everything worked out so well. I hope everything else works out really well. Good luck with your mom i'm sure it'll go even better then it did with your dad. I hope things work out with you and your best friend though.
Wow! That was wonderful. Just turned my frown upside down. You're very fortunate to have a father like that. Don't take it for granted! And good luck with your mom. Oh... and don't make yourself a stranger. Stay and visit. The folks here are some of the best anywhere and there's always a helping hand for any situation too.