Most of the people (maybe all) that I came out to simply said they didn't care, or that they already knew. This is something to celebrate, I know, but it ultimately made me sad. I was really hoping for someone to say "I'm so happy for you!" or "I'm so proud of you!" I realize it wasn't a big deal to them, but it was to me. I was excited, and a little sharing of that excitement would have gone a long way for me. So what were your positive and neutral reactions like? Did it bother you at all when people just said they didn't care? Did you prefer it that way? Obviously I'm not asking about the negative responses, there a million places here to discuss those.
I'd like to think one should at least be complimented on their courage and truth by coming out, but everyone's friends are different.
Well, no one else knew of your internal struggles and such which lead to your coming out, and you also should remember that there may be a lot more important things on your friends' plates than you coming out. "I realize it wasn't a big deal to them, but it was to me." So??? Let's say for example your friend was able to get his mother and father back together and forget about divorcing. What would you say? I'm sure you would be happy for them, but would you really concern yourself of it and continue to be excited for someone else's life decisions/choices which does not affect yours? The point is is that you coming out is great and it shows a great deal of courage, but it is your life, not anyone elses. Wanting someone to share your excitement about something which arguably does not affect them or really involve them at all is a bit self centered.
My dad said he didn't care. That was much more positive than the response I expected. Most of my close friends said they already knew. They were happy I figured it out.
I personally make a big deal of it when people I know accomplish something. If they tell me they walked to the store I'm not exactly going to clap for them. If they tell me they decided to tell me something they've been dealing with for the last 10 years and they have made a decision that is forever going to impact their future, yes I make a big deal of it. Is it honestly self-centered to want somebody to be even a little happy for me?
I totally get what you mean that it's a let down. When there are references to 'coming out party' I'm like, where can i find this?? It may take you days/weeks to finally say it and then they're all "Oh". But that's the society we live in now, and at least they didn't ostracize you. The other possibility, you're almost mid 20s. Some of them might have known gay people for several years and your revelation just isn't a big deal to them. In this case, they not only aren't going to relate but they can't imagine the forces that kept you in the closet so long. You could try talk to them more and explain why it's a big deal, or just accept that they're happy for you but they don't know how to express that.
I must admit that whenever I've found out someone I know is gay or bi I haven't reacted at all because I try not to assume everyone's straight, so if I find out they're not, I'm genuinely not surprised and don't think anything of it... but if the two people I've come out to so far had just been like, 'oh right', I would've been relieved but I guess it would've been a bit disappointing because I really enjoyed the big deal they made out of it. Will have to consider this again if... or more like when... I get a different reaction. And will definitely reconsider how I react to others in future as well.
The other day my best friend (about half a year after I came out to her) told me that she DID care, because she likes that I'm gay. We were with her parents and her boyfriend and they had all said that they didn't care (don't know why it was brought up). I mean yeah this is positive discrimination but the way she said it really made me feel like that she likes me better now, meaning she liked me less before I came out. I mean it shouldn't have to matter. I don't know, I just didn't really know how to feel. Ultimately we have become a lot closer since then because now we have another shared interest (men), but yeah. I guess it has two sides to it.
Someone told me how happy they were for me...and honestly, that one befuddled me. I was more hoping for "that's OK" or "I don't mind" responses. Which IS what I got, mainly. Lex
Some people might honestly not care. But to freely admit they don't give a crap is rude IMO. It may be with good intentions, but they just told you that something maybe monumentally important to you is just noise. It trivializes the inner struggle you just went through in order to tell them. That doesn't mean they need to throw you a parade. It means they should realize it's not like saying "I have a birth mark on my elbow shaped like an acorn," (where few would care and rightly so) but a major part of your personality that may have been carefully hidden until now. I'd expect someone I tell to at least praise my bravery hehe. In a reversal of attitudes here, I told one of my online friends very nonchalantly that I was bi, and she was very flattered that I trusted her enough to say it. I was impressed by her pro-GSM eagerness.
I guess it hurt when my mum's reaction was rather neutral. I expected her to react far more, and while I'm glad she hasn't taken it badly, she rarely brings it up. Which hurts kinda...
The three people I told were really supportive said they were would always be there for me which meant so much to me x
