Hi. First off, this is a long story but it feels really therapeutic to write it all out. So... I have been having a bad year. Sort of. Mostly good but still unhappy and it took a long time to figure out why. I tried to break up with my boyfriend Nov.2012 but he was so heartbroken I decided to work on things and silently gave it a 6 month deadline. We had been together since Jan 2008 and living together since Oct 2008. There was still love there but no passion which I attributed to a long relationship. Sex life was infrequent and lacking the pleasure factor. In fact I dreaded it and wished he would go quick but he never was that type. I realized in Feb of this year I had a crush on a team mate of mine who happens to be transgender (postop) but explained it away with "she's a rock star in this sport, I want to play like her". This crush grew, and then sort of levelled out and I felt ok with being friends. We talked at practice a bit and did social things including going to the local gay dance club. But as our friendship took off and we instant messaged each other a lot I started to get that crushy feeling again. Then she would tell me her girl troubles. She admits she's clueless if someone is flirting with her, not that i was flirting exactly. I kept trying to be a good friend but I was annoyed with these other girls that she tried to date but also a bit hoping they wouldn't become long term. All the while things with my bf were stale. We both have busy lives and neither of us were taking any time to fix the relationship. I talked to my best friend about thinking I might be gay and she was super supportive. I contacted my exhusband too. He cheated on me and told me he thought I was gay but I took that as an excuse to dump me at the time. But he was encouraging and gave good advice. My community and friends are very accepting and I have many gay and bi friends as well as ones in open relationships so it was never a concern about being ostriscized. I'm not exactly in touch with my feelings and tend to bottle things up so I think that's why it took me so long to figure all this out. I found myself wanting to be part of the LBGTQ community as a supporter and went to a few events. At one of these i got one of those rainbow rubber bracelets and i would wear it a lot. 6 weeks ago I moved out and my bf and I continued to try to work on things. Initially it was fun dating again but I didn't really miss him. I consciously realized I was gay during this time. It wasn't until a week and a half ago that I fully accepted this. I told my boyfriend I'm gay on August 29. He was devestated and relieved. He said he knew it was coming. And told me he'd always questioned my sexuality but never brought it up with me. He has continued to text me regularly and we have had a long face to face conversation where I told him about the girl I am now seeing which is probably the hardest thing for him to accept. It will be hard for a long time but he is being quite remarkable. We were best friends for so long and he wants to keep that which is cool. I told my team mate on august 31. She was super excited and we spent half the night smooching. She was happy that i told her cuz she had a crush on me and couldnt figure out why because she isnt usually attracted to straight girls. its been a fun week. I told my parents this Saturday. My mum accepted it right away and my dad, as expected, did not. He didnt speak the rest of the weekend. It will take him a while. I'm going to wite him a letter. 2 of my co-workers I have told and they are fine and happy I finally will be happy. I still have work ahead and some lifestyle adjustments I suppose but so far, so good. Thanks to everyone on here for all the indirect help. The End. :eusa_clap
