Confessions of a Teenage Crossdresser

This is a place where i can let it all out. Stripped to the bear bones. I've decided to write a timeline of when i identified myself as a crossdresser and my scares of being a transgender. Let me explain, I do not define myself as a female, or stuck in the wrong body at all. I'm a crossdresser, with insane OCD levels!

According to a study, LGBT people are 70% more likely to suffer from Anxiety & OCD. That's your decision to believe or not. I hope you enjoy my story, and maybe itl help someone out.

Ages 0-7 - No experience or memories of feeling feminine, feeling different or having desires to wear girls clothing.

Age 8 - I have a dream about dressing up in girls clothes, I wake up feeling quite nice, doesn't really bother me but thinking back it was the first time I can ever remember considering crossdressing.

Age 9 - I wear girls tights for a school play and love it, later in the year have 1 more dream about dressing up fully as a girl.

Ages 10 & 11 - Age 10 I experience a Transgender-Nightmare, something literally so bad it made me throw up. I had a dream I cut my genitals off and became a woman. No offence to anyone, but this was literally a horrible experience for me. Age 11 I wear a dress for a school play and consider myself. I go see the School Counsellor and they say i'm just experiencing a phase and it'll go.

Age 12 - I discover the world of Youtube and crossdressing at it's best. I discover i have a Fetish for this sort of thing and enjoy watching crossdressing videos.

Age 13 - I continue this trend, but have some thoughts of being a Transsexual, I then presume my crossdressing must be covering up Transsexuality and start to have some fears, these are soon quelled by time.

Age 14 (Now) - I see a documentary about MtF Transsexuals and it brings the topic back up, I soon have a similar dream to the one Age 10, and have had anxiety and Obsessive Intrusive Thoughts about it ever since, (around 4 months ago). I'm slowly weaning the topic out of my mind, because i don't have any symptoms of Gender Dysphoria or any need to express myself as the other gender. I like my life, and i'm allowing the triggers to slowly leave my mind. Triggers are pretty much seeing anything related to Gender, but it's alot better than it was 4 months ago. I've spoken with several MtF transsexual people on here and they've mainly said I have nothing to worry about - i've even been so desperate as to take the COGIATI. Not that it makes much sense. But anyways, i'm learning that if I was having genuine thoughts I wouldn't hate them so much and they wouldn't make me want to throw up every time I think them.

To anyone out there suffering OCD - The more negative you think, the more the thoughts come back. And I can't wait to be back to my normal Male Crossdressing self, but I have to give it time. Thanks for reading my story.