Back story: I am 25 and have been married to a guy for over 3 years. Three weeks after sending my parents an email coming out, I received this letter from my mom. This letter just bothers me so much. They keep saying they "still love me" but I just read hate. They recently came back to town and I bumped into them along with other family members and everyone treated me like a drug addict or something. I should also state that I'm an atheist, so these bible quotes and stuff mean nothing to me. I just see a brainwashed person and it's sad. My dear sweet Melody, I love you so very much and I always will. I’m in tears and heartbroken over this lifestyle you have chosen for yourself. I would like to share my story with you. Getting married at 19 mainly to get out of my strict parents’ house seemed like a great idea at the time. Even though I wasn’t in love*, I enjoyed my own place and all this freedom. Of course, sex was fun too. Little did I know, wild drunken parties were in my future. I found these exciting and fun. Soon I was enjoying the attention I was receiving from other men. By this time, my thoughts and desires were out of control. I eventually had an affair not even thinking of the damage and hurt this would cause his wife or anyone else. I tried hard to believe god did not exist, but I knew he did. At 23, I discovered I was pregnant, I was so excited. I have always wanted to be a mom. I had Garth and soon after, Shawn. I loved my boys. I wanted to be the best mom and to have that wonderful family life. I found myself still unhappy, lonely, and afraid. At 29, I was told the world would soon end. This scared me. Because I loved these boys so much I had to do something. Maybe god would forgive me. I knew so little about god but I sure needed his love. After many days of deep thought, I told your dad I wanted god to forgive me and I wanted his love. He doesn’t remember any of this, but he told me to confess my sins and to ask Jesus into my heart. I ran to our bedroom in tears and fell to my knees, I confessed my sins and asked Jesus into my heart. Those sins that weighed so heavy on me were completely gone. I was so happy. I was so full of Joy, peace, love, and understanding. I ran out of the room to tell dad what had just happened when I was stopped in my tracks amazed at the beauty and detail of that old oak tree outside our family room window. As if I was blind and now I can see. This was my beginning of a new life. I was born again. Life is hard but now I have Jesus walking beside me. There were times I was so frustrated and pouring my heart out to Jesus, each time he would talk to me, I was so excited, I couldn’t wait to tell dad. Jesus has been changing me for 38 years and he isn’t through yet. I have that joy, peace, and love that I always wanted. Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit the holy spirit produces is love, joy, and peace. Melody, I pray that you too will know Jesus as I do. Romans 2:23 Everyone has sinned. No one measures up to god’s glory. 1 John 1:9 God is faithful and fair. If we admit that we have sinned, he will forgive us our sins. He will forgive every wrong thing we have done. He will make us pure. You know that I love you and will always be here for you. You also need to know that I will not give up on you, I will keep praying. Love, Mom.
Oh dear. With this sort of situation, about the only thing that fixes it is time, usually a lot of time. One of my friends came out at 22 to his parents. They lived on opposite coasts. For about 6 months, he would get letters every week or two filled with Bible verses and invitations to get out of his awful, satan-inspired "lifestyle choice." But after a year, or maybe two, and after they had a chance to meet a couple of his boyfriends, who were sweet and charming, really good guys... they eventually came around. Unfortunately, I don't think there's much else you can do.
I don't think she hates you. She's trying to be loving in the only way her belief system will allow. My mom said many of the same things when I came out to her. It was disappointing that she couldn't accept the real me but I never doubted her love. We ended up agreeing to disagree.
Hi there! I'm sorry to read that your mom reacted in this way. (*hug*) You have overcome your fears and decided to come out, which counts for a lot! You should be proud of it. I am inclined to believe that yes, your mom/parents love you. Now they have to reconcile their beliefs with the news, and the very fact that they love you. As Chip mentioned in his post, it will take some time for them to be okay with it, and understand that your sexual orientation is a natural part of life. As hard as it might be, give them the time (and perhaps even space) they need to come around to it. (*hug*)
Your mum loves you, she is just misguided about what it means to be gay - she seems to think that it means you will now be leading a life of promiscuity and wild parties (unless I'm reading into it wrong). Plus the Christian thing of course. I guess you'll just have to try to educate her. Annoying, but possible. Good luck
To echo Chip's response, this is a good place for a quote by Jung: The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only outgrown. Carl Jung
I completely understand your anger at the response. I actually read your post a few days back, and have been chewing on it. I think everyone is right in that your mom loves you. I think her theology is stilted in just the right way to make this an absolute clash of world views. In short, she'll have to reconcile and change; or not. For that, I am certain Chip is right, time is needed. The question is, since this is not the support that you probably wanted, and with the alienation more globally from your other family members that you stated, how are you doing? Do you have the support that you really need? I respect that you told your parents, I haven't gotten there yet. The ironic twist here, nearly twelve years into my marriage, is that I am not an atheist but a pastor. The crashing from my family's perspective when I fall from the pedestal that they have placed me on boggles my imagination. I am deliberately not telling half of my friends because if they throw verses at me I'll throw them right back. Don't really want this to be about that, but unfortunately, there is a lot of bad theology in the world (bad in that people are responding to training and not stopping to think about the person on the other end of the conversation.) Beliefs are not unchangeable, but they are usually slow moving mechanisms. Adjustments take effort and are usually accompanied by discomfort. Shout out here, rant and rave if necessary. Take care of yourself and decide if you wish to give your family time to catch up. Wish you all the best.
Your mom definitely loves you, don't question that. If she believed what she believes, and didn't care that you were gay, that wouldn't be love. Twisted, right? She isn't trying to express hate, she just has a different concept of love. As an LGBT Christian myself (not an easy road. Lol), I recommend reading this, and if you think it might help your mom come around, you might pass it to her. It addresses the verses dealing with homosexuality in a LGBT-friendly way. I really hope it helps. http://mccchurch.org/?wpfb_dl=4 I'm sorry you're dealing with this feeling of rejection. Stay positive and strong. My thoughts are with you. (*hug*)
