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Newfound information and the hints that led there

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by ShyGirl 84, Oct 27, 2013.

  1. ShyGirl 84

    ShyGirl 84 Guest

    *deep breath*
    For over a year, me and my fiance had been playing "Questionnaire," a game where we take turns asking questions that range from impossibly hypothetical (dating videogame character choices) to ones that require deeply thinking before answering. A lot of times questions go unanswered because the person answering just doesn't know. It was about two days before this post that we were planning my Halloween costume, makeup to use and other random bits. I, being a makeup klutz, wasn't sure what colors to replace purple with for a false bruise. He dabbled into this color and that and we got an impressive outcome. Then I wondered how to use eye liner. Out of instinct, he took it from me and tried it on himself. I was laughing while he put it on only 1 eye, then told him that he was made for makeup. Then I suggested that he should try on more, to see how it looked.

    Jokingly, he said I could be a lesbian for Halloween, on top of being a variation of Chun Li. That's where I became enthusiastic about applying him with makeup, fitting him into my bra and clothes and even giving him some lady lumps. The panties were an extra perk. Also, it would hide his anatomy from public view in case of 'emergency.' After trying an outfit and deciding on it, we went for a walk. He asked me a few nonsense questions, then asked when my first crush was, roughly. I answered about a boy who ran really fast way back in 5th grade, and my fiance 'Pat' asked if there were any other reasons for the attraction to the running boy.

    At first, I thought not really so that's what I said. Then I corrected myself saying that I didn't remember if runner was the one with pretty eyes. He responded with the question of my attraction being limited to tiny details like achievements. I told him yes, for the most part. None of these questions were rudely placed, so please don't get any wrong ideas. His next question was when my first female crush was. It took a few seconds of thinking, but my answer was a girl I used to hang around when I was a child. How she stood up for me a few times, how I met her in church. But how I have always been timid about approaching any girls in that way.

    For a long half hour, we sat. I had always considered myself - announced myself - as bisexual. The questions jogged one for myself, but I didn't say anything. I have always been interested in women. Sex was introduced to me near my 18th birthday, and I was addicted to the feeling, but even so, men have been lacking in one way or another. 'Pat' is multi-orgasmic and as insatiable as myself, so I thought that, on top of boundless loyalty were what drew me to him. The truth was it is his femininity that attracts me, and the fact that aside from the odd request, has never used me as a sex object. He asked, "So, basically, you have been a lesbian your whole life and never knew?" He was referring to my refusal to enjoy getting a guy off, my high interest in women, my self-written stories being female oriented, my sex scenes being a mess of jumbled words but descriptive on women appearances, my enthusiasm in woman/woman videos, my repulsion for (especially comically intended) men kissing in movies. (No offense intended).

    He asked the questions I refused to. I feel as if its always been suffocating me to be missing a part of my life, and 'Pat' was the one who unleashed my heart's truth. Now for the complicated part. I am a lesbian, my anxiety that has been haunting me for this whole month seems to have vanished in my answering of his question "Yes." But I neither wish to release him to the world, nor does he care to let me go. I am a sex addict, and a lesbian. Toys are not enough for me like he is, but I don't wish to contradict myself in honestly accepting lesbianism. Is it possible for a woman into women to keep a man because of transgression? He is like the girlfriend I have always needed, but definitely male. Almost like he's a person beyond the confines of gender. I need him that much, but feel I am not falsifying my spirit's call.

    Anyway, that's my story. I came upon this website last evening, and felt it was a good first place to speak up :icon_bigg