Last night I told one of my gay friends that I'm starting to question my sexuality... that bings the count to 2 people that know. He was very understanding and supportive but now his new goal in life is to find me a girlfriend. It has me really scared simply because of my inexperience in relationships. I've had very few straight relationships and no homosexual ones. I don't know what to do. He wants to take me to a bar to meet people but I'm a very shy person and I have low self esteem so I know I'm going to have a hard time holding a conversation at a bar. I'm also scared that the people you would meet at bars are only interested in sex...I'm just not ready to go there yet. I really want to meet someone and develope a strong relationship before even thinking about having sex. Does that make me a prude? Wanting to wait? Is it failry common to wait? I just don't know whaat to do.
Go at your own pace. You're still figuring yourself out so don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. If a girl comes along and you like her, and she feels the same way, *then* is the time to pursue a relationship. But don't force things because that never leads anywhere good. (Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.) Don't feel like it's abnormal to still be waiting at your age. Everyone moves at a different pace. Good luck whatever happens!
Take your time, go at your own pace and what you are comfortable with. In your shoes I would avoid clubs for a while, try to get out and meet people, build up your self confidence and little by little things will fall into place. If already you are not really a 'club' person and you have little or no experience in relationships straight or gay there is no point jumping in at the deep end and scaring the life out of yourself. Relationships are meant to be fun and bring you comfort not cause you stress. There is no 'normal' If you want to wait then wait, if you feel ready to go clubbing, picking up people then do it, but this is not the case for you so as I said at the start, you at your own pace and don't let other people push you into something that doesn't feel right to you.
Don't worry, my friend did the same thing. The first thing she said after I came out to her was, "Are you serious? Hmm. X and I had better get crackin' on finding you a boyfriend, then!" I had to rein her back in As others have said, go at your own pace and voice that you wish to do so, but let him know you appreciate his help and support. And congratulations on coming out
Hi there! I agree with above posts. It is important that you go at your own pace. Let your friend know that you are not ready to take that step yet. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait before going into a bar or club. The important thing is that you first become comfortable with your sexuality and figure everything out. Once you are comfortable and feel secure it will be a lot easier to meet someone and to develop a relationship. And it might also be a lot easier then to go into a GLBT bar. But there is not rush. Take all the time that you need. I don't know if you thought about it or if you have joined a GLBT group, but a good way to meet people and to build up confidence is by joining GLBT groups, which will allow you to talk to others that were or are in the same or similar situation as you are. I hope this helps!
Talk to your friend and express that you want to take it slow in finding someone and that you'll look/not look don't let him do so. That way you can put it to your own time rather than someone else.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting to have sex. You will be saving yourself from potentially experiencing many issues. I've seen so many people suffering from feelings of reduced self worth after having sex in a non, or loosely, comitted relationship. STDs will be less of a worry for you if you wait until your are in a deeply committed relationship before you decide to have sex as well obviously. That is never a bad thing. Ultimately, whenever it feels right I believe it will. Then proceeding to that next step will be right. Until then, rushing into something that you aren't ready for will result in more damage than is necessary. If it makes you feel any better, I'm waiting too. It's not that abnormal! Though sometimes it does really feel like it right? I feel like too many people succumb to their sexual desires sometimes, but I have to correct myself and tell myself that everyone moves at a different pace. It's maybe just not right for us right now.
Yeah, don't sweat it. If you're not into going into bars or clubs yet, just wait. Just be happy you have a great friend who seems to be taking a vested interest in your happiness!
