After a year or two of denial, marriage, and my infant son, I've finally realized my sexuality. I'm a homoromantic bisexual. Separation between my wife and I are occurring and things are ending on good terms. There's no resentment but instead, a feeling of relief. From both of us. We've had our problems for a while and I've had commitment issues where I would start feeling romantic emotions for other guys while married. I couldn't help myself. I was in denial for the longest time. I remember Chip telling me this over a year ago: " I have a suspicion that there may be a piece here that you haven't really explored, perhaps because you're deathly afraid of exploring it, for fear of what you'll find." And although I quickly denied this and pushed any thought of this being true away, I fear that it's been the truth all along. I came out to my wife. To my best friends. To my parents. Everyone is okay with it. I've had so much acceptance especially from my best friend who I thought was homophobic. He's actually had the guts to go to a few local "gay" spots with me. And I'm happy that I haven't lost a single friend or anyone from this. Of course, my extended family and most of my friends do not know. But before completing this, I announced it on facebook. And again, positive remarks. I'm so lucky to have these friends and family that have my back. But despite that all, I feel so lonely. Without someone to grow emotional or romantic feelings for, I seem lost. I want to develop a connection with someone... but I don't have anyone.
I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to think about, process, and come to terms with this, especially with a child and wife. But it sounds like you've come to an amazing place of vulnerability, opening, and understanding, and that's such an powerful step for you. Great that you have such a supportive family and wife and friends as well. I hope you'll stay engaged in the community here and keep us up to date on how things are going for you
I remember some of your previous posts struggling with acceptance and embarking on the journey you're on at the moment. It's wonderful that everybody has been supportive. I'm sure that over time you will be able to find a connection with somebody. It will happen.
I hope so. For the part, letting go is my main problem. I can't imagine myself living without my ex, yet I cannot imagine ourselves happy. I know we won't be happy. She knows it too. But the feeling of attachment is still there, for me at least. I try to keep myself busy to not think about it. But the feeling of wanting to go crawling back just for comfort happens.
Hi there! It is totally natural to still feel attachment, and having a hard time letting go. You are trying to leave a part of you behind and start walking onto the unknown path. It is scary, and there will be moments where you feel wanting to go back. But over time, as you explore the new side of you, and meet new people, you will be able to let go. (*hug*)
