So tell me...

I sort of did that (came out via e-mail). I think if it's well-scripted it's okay, but just writing "Hey Mom, I'm gay" doesn't cut it. Hope it helps.

 

I mean, if there's no way on Earth you'd ever want to come out to them face-to-face, then a letter is a good alternate option. You can also make sure you get a chance to say everything you want to say in a letter.

Unless you hand them the letter personally, you won't know how they react when they react initially. But, it seems like it'd be a lot easier to stick a letter in the mail than to find the "perfect time" to tell them. Granted, writing the letter won't be easy.

Whatever you want to do is fine. There isn't "one right way" to come out to someone.

 

I'd nothing is as good as face-to-face.

 

I agree with Step49x. Face-to-face is best if you can do it, but if not then a letter is OK. Anything is better than not doing it!

It would be good to try to make contact with them within a day or so of them receiving the letter (if you're posting it). If you are handing it to them, disappear for 5-10 minutes while they read it and take it in, then return.

 

I did, I told both my mom and dad (in two different letters, at different times) see heres how I see it if you think you can do it face to face do it that way but chances are you will get tongue tied and not be able to express how you feel and get everything out that you want to say. If you think you can do it more power to you. If you write a letter you can express your feelings more and say things you normally wouldn't be able to express through outspoken words I believe that writing a letter is a meaningful way to tell them but it really just depends on you do what you feel is right go with what your heart tells you. No one can tell you how to come out to your parents all I can do is tell you that the letters were the best way for me to come out to my parents and they took it really well and my mom kept her letter because she said that some of the things in the letter was very sweet she liked me talking about the things I said about love and about our relationship cheesy but true

Sam

 

To me, it's a tad impersonal, i much prefer the face-to-face option and would encourage that as your first choice, if not possible or you REALLY don't feel up to it. A letter is a close second, provided it is detailed and with as much personality and voice that you can inject into it.

It's also nice if you give them the letters to read, sit them down at a table and such, ask that they read them all the way through and then discuss....that way if you get tongue tied, it's already done, you're just doing post-exposure discussion (which may, unfortunately may be damage control or hopefully a heartfelt acceptance).

I personally never had a problem going face-to-face with anyone, so it might be harder for some, understandible.

 

I have huge problems with face-to-face. I get tongue tide and back down, so I have been a big fan of instant messenger for coming out up until now. Which is probably really bad, but I needed to tell people and knew I wouldn't have the guts to tell them in person, so it worked.

My mom was the first to ever find out. I actually never told her, she asked me. She found some, lets call it evidence, and asked me, "so what does this mean?"
I never actually said, "I'm gay". I just said, "what do you think it means?" through tears. Big mistake. Say the actual words to people asap so it doesn't become this big monster that you can't defeat.

So when I finally told my dad, nearly 4 years after telling my mom, I had her for support. She started the conversation with "Brenton has something important he wants to talk to you about" and then I took over. In fear of not saying it, I just blurted it out first thing, "I'm gay."
It was kind of pathetic and not the proudest moment of my life, but it worked, and I did have a huge sense of accomplishment.

So to end it off, I think a letter just might be better for the person you are coming out to as it gives them a chance to freak out on their own, but it feels SO much better to do it yourself in person. And after all, this is something we have to do for ourselves.

 

well that's good... I agree, there is no "right way" to come out to anyone. Do what you feel comfortable and is appopriate with the relationship you have with the person you want to tell. It's completely up to you, best of luck!

 

Do let us know how it goes, please.

 

I hope all goes well with whatever you decide to do. I'm not good talking in person about potentially emotional issues, so I'll just have to send a letter. I was even thinking about asking them to respond by letter for the first time or two that we converse about it. This way we can all express our thoughts after some consideration.

The hand written letter is a bit of a lost art form. Ever read those letters from people in a time when they didn't have phones? They always sound so eloquent and sincere. They'd also be nice to keep as somthing, hopefully positive, to remember your parents by.

 

HIGHLY Agreed.

EVASIVE MANUVERS ARE A HUGE HUGE HUGE NO-NO.

As hard as it is, just blurt out those two words that must way a half a ton each because for some reason they never come up easy at first. If for some reason your parents find evidence, it's too late to back up, might as well say it, after all it has to be a sign that this is the moment to do so. Saying somethig like "what do you think it means?" (sorry tired, luvvs ya lol) just gives the parents an excuse to go into denial. Which is a big freaking 'im-going-to-pop-a-blood-vessel' moment for you. Denial sucks, trust me.

Woah. have an ambulence on call when you tell them would ya....or at least make sure they took their little red pill. :lol: (sorry not making fun of you 'rents just lightening the mood)

And gods forgive me, please please please as much as i HATE the term. Use "partner" when introducing. Girlfriend or (Isis forgive me) Wife, might be too much the first time around. And it really, really helps having her THERE to hold your hand, after you tell them, if the tide gets rough....leave. It's that easy. Just leave and wait for them to contact you.

If anyone plans to come out in a computer typed-letter, please. Tell me now so i can buy myself a plane ticket, travel to your city.

AND THEN BASH YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH A BOOK. :bang:

At least have the common decency to give them a hand written letter. It's impersonal (IMO) enough without a computer generated font.

 

there is no right or wrong way to tell your parents that you are gay you got to do what feels the most comfortable with you.

 

a letter might be my only way........

 

What if you have illegible handwriting like myself? Here's a potential outcome I'd like to avoid:

*returns 5-10 minutes later*

Me: So did you read the letter?

Parent: Yeah. The only thing we don't understand is why are you telling us "you're guy"? We already know you're a guy.

Me: Uh actually that's an 'A' not a 'U'.

 

haha! At least it would lighten the atmosphere..

Personally I think I'd rather just blurt it out clumsily than a letter, waiting for them to read it would feel horrible, but I can understand why some people would prefer it.

 

Ha! That was funny...

If you're worried that they might react in an explosive way that could threaten your physical well-being or permanently and irreparably scar your psyche, then, yes, a letter would probably be the better idea (though in that case not coming out actually sounds like maybe the wisest option). But in general, I think face-to-face is the way to go.

This makes me think of a friend of mine whose parents told him over the phone that they were getting divorced. I thought that was a pretty crappy thing to do to the poor guy (who really was just a teenager at the time). It also makes me think of that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie gets dumped on a post-it. It seems like writing a letter should be an alternative to be used in special situations but definitely not the first-resort.

 

I came out to my sister and to my parents by letter (typed), and it worked out OK for me.

Yes, I agree that face-to-face is better if you can do it, but some people can't do it that way for various reasons. If you feel that coming out by letter or email would be better for you, then do it that way.

There are a number of recent posts here where people have come out by letter and it has worked out OK for them.

Once you are ready to come out to them, it's best to get on with it by whatever means you feel will work for you, rather than spending time procrastinating about the method.

A letter given by hand and read while you wait is better than a letter in the post.

But if you need to post it because you aren't there, then do so. Try to make contact once you know it has been received (it's worth using a guaranteed delivery date option and phoning that afternoon), so that the suspense isn't dragged out for everyone.

Hand-written or typed? Hand-written if your writing is clear enough, but it's not a big deal either way. If it's typed, write in the "Dear mum and dad" bit by hand, sign it and add a hand-written PS saying that you typed it so they wouldn't have to struggle with your writing. That still makes it personal.

So I would say in order of preference:

1. Face-to-face
2. Letter in person and read while you wait
3. Phone call
4. Letter in the post or email

Doing it is more important than how you do it, in my opinion. Do it whatever way will work best in your circumstances.

 

Dear PPaula :


I just think that something as fragile of a subject as " coming out " in a letter to my
mom, is like giving her a loaded gun for her to blow her brains out with. I just can't do it yet. I know that I'm being a chicken, but c'mon, we're talking about my mom here.


My boyfriend and I have far exceeded a normal relationship, by quite a bit, and I really want to tel my mom about us, but I just don't know how to do this, and I think I've put it off to long enough. I just don't know the right moment to tell her. I'm really afraid that she'l drop dead after hearing this news, just wait until I tell her that we're acting like husband and wife. No, that news will definatly get me killed.


I really went to far with this, but what's done is done.


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