I'm not out to everyone in my life but I'm still very proud of who I am. I am feeling really triggered right now so I just want to say this to someone and this community seems like a very safe option. I was 8 years old when I started to realize that The way I felt towards the same sex wasn't quite normal. I liked to look at Victoria Secret magazines and had crushes on my female teacher. I kept all this a secret until I entered middle school. My middle school had an enormous LGBT community. I hadn't really known what it meant to be bi or gay until then. I just knew I liked girls but would grow up and marry a man because that's what was expected. Well Ive learned differently know. I was 11 years old the first time I got the sexuality talk because I came homee from school with "Pro Gay is Okay" written on my hand in sharpie. I got grounded and my hand was scrubbed raw. My mother pinned me to the bathroom wall and poured a bottle of holy oil down my face, into my mouth and eyes. This traumatized me into believe that maybe I was crazy or evil and I started to self harm ad self medicate. At twelve I got my first girlfriend and I got high everyday to deal with the guilt of not being the perfect little Christian girl. This went on until my freshman year when I got sober. Along the way I dated guys too but always more girls. My Sophmore year I decided to abandon my Christian faith and convert to Buddhism. I also had an ephifiny and decided that gender and sex are two different things and that I didn't care about either of them. I am a pansexual and Buddhist female, that's who I am. I just wanted to tell someone.
