Hi, I know I made a thread in a different section that included my coming out story but idk I feel like I just need to keep saying it, like it's not entirely real yet or I haven't gotten over it. So here goes. So I'm in high school like any other 16 year old, and in my school they don't have study halls, we just have free periods where we can basically do whatever the hell we want. This friend whom we shall call R shares a free period with me, so I told her then. Now, my plan (and yes it was a really bad idea but I completely planned the conversation) was that I would go to the library where we usually hung out with a couple of our other friends and ask her to come with me for a second, and if our other friends asked I would say "I just had to ask her a quick question." So then we would leave and just kinda walk, since our school is an open concept school we couldn't go to a lot of places without disrupting classes but there were still places we could go. Then I would kinda "wade in" and be like "I'm trusting you deeply right now," "I haven't told anyone this," "I need you to be patient," blah blah and then I would finally tell her "I'm bisexual" and then she could ask whatever question she wanted. Well, how it turned out was a lot different. I was walking up to the library from gym class in the beginning of the period when I saw her go into the career center, which is like a mini library basically, with a few people I didn't know at all. I was really upset because I'd missed a golden opportunity to tell her the day before when we were working on a project in a class and our other group member was called to the guidance office. I went to the library and tried to do homework and talk to a different friend but I was so on edge from the close encounter that I couldn't take it anymore. I told her I'd be back in five minutes and marched myself down to the career center, trying so hard not to panic but kinda failing. The problem here was now I had to go into a place with a bunch of people I don't know and all their judging eyes and ask R to excuse herself. For me this is incredibly difficult. Maybe I have social anxiety, I don't know. So I get R out and now she's staring at me and my brain shuts down. I'm in total panic mode, I know I can't just say nothing because she's already asking what's wrong and I can't just be like, "oh, just wanted to say hi, haha." So I start talking....what did I say? I have no clue. I think I said "I've never told this to anyone before" but all I could see were her eyes drilling holes through my head, and she's getting more and more worried, and then I tried to say it but couldn't, and then I just took a huge breath and blurted out "I am bisexual." And then I literally power walked away, I think she said "ok" but wasn't listening, I wasn't thinking, I wasn't seeing, I was on total autopilot. Once I was out of sight in the stairwell I sprinted back to the library, slowing down just so it looked like I casually walked back in, although I'm sure it was obvious something was wrong because I was probably red-faced and breathing heavily... So, yeah. Hopefully I can get my shit together before I come out again. Thanks for reading. :bang:
Hey, try not to be too discouraged. It happens, you know? Coming out isn't easy, and it can be scary -- no, terrifying -- at first. Do you think that writing a letter to the person you're coming out to might help? You can either give it to them in person or slip in their locker or something. I found that really helped when I was coming out to people as a lesbian. Hang in there! You'll get the hang of it.
