My dad has known since October that I am gay, but we have never spoken about it face to face. Until today when I finally found the courage to talk to him about it. What I found out was a little depressing but in many ways optimistic. He looked me in the eyes and told me that I'm not gay and that I can't be gay and I'm only confused, but after telling me this he told me that if it turns out that I am he will love and accept me but he isn't willing to admit that his son is gay. While I am saddened by the fact that my dad is so stubborn that he can't imagine that I could be gay, I am very happy to know that he will learn to accept me and that he does still love me. I just have to get through this stage of denial first and hopeful he won't go through the stage of anger but knowing my dad I won't hold my breath.
The only thing you can do to help your dad is get him some ressources, download some Pflag stuff, and the sticky post on grieving families here. Ask your dad to read these so that he can start to come to terms. The fact that he said it was a stage and then went on to say that IF... shouts loud and clear to me that deep within him he KNOWS that you are gay but his conscious mind doesn't WANT to accept it... it's called denial. You need to be patient and help your dad, he will get there, maybe not as quickly as you would have hoped but if you help him with ressources and by being honest with him he will. His love for you will help him.
How does your mom feel? Has she tried talking with him? Your Dad definitely needs some educational materials. Let me know if I can send you some PFLAG materials. I'd be happy to.
The mothers are usualy the easier ones to warm up to...all i can say is count your belssings young man. There are many guys out there like myself who if their fathers found out they were gay u would never see or hear from or about them again:dry: ....and beleive me, our basement is reeeeaaaaallllly dark:eek:
Hi! It will take a bit of time for your dad to come around to it. But he will eventually. As Louise and Becky have indicated, give him some PFLAG materials to read. That should help him to come to terms with it.
That's the kind of response that I got from my mom as well. She doesn't want to admit it, but I think deep down she knows it's true. But she also said she would accept me no matter what. Maybe some PFLAG or other stuff would be good, but above all I just think you have to be patient. :icon_wink
Congratz on confronting your dad. (That's what I'm doing to my mum tomorrow, but by letter) Sounds like denial (I would know - my mum's stuck in it!!!) but he'll get there eventually. Everyone who suggested the PFLAG resources is right. But at least his reaction wasn't horrendous.
Oo well I think your dad will definately be okay with it and accept the fact that you're gay, but he just needs some time
My dad had problems with it for a long time, but now he's realized that's it much easier to trust me than hate my judges and alienate us. I wish it had started that easy tho. He couldn't handle the person I was becoming initially.