Took my first step out...

I've read and researched and prayed about and scripted out how is the best time and place to come out: what to say, where to do it, who I should tell first, etc. But I finally just did it.

If anyone follows my posts, I had asked the forum's opinion on the best of two methods: 1) should I just let it happen organically, unannounced, and let people figure it out, or 2) tell friends and go from there. Incidentally, it was a mixture of the two that opened my closet door. I'm not flinging it wide open. I'm only telling a few people at a time and with much discretion due to my jobs.

A bit of back story: I've dated a bit. Not much, but enough to know what I'm doing. I'm currently dating someone I like a lot and who invited me to hang out with him and his friends on New Year's Eve. This was done without me disclosing to friends who I was spending the evening with. Everyone assumed I was just with another friend set. My best friend is really smart, though.

I had been trying for weeks (months even) to get up the courage to tell my sister or my best friend. My sister is gay and will be totally accepting and understanding. My best friend is amazing, but I was never certain about her views of the whole "lifestyle". It is a subject we just don't talk about often. Her other best friend came out to us two years ago and is now living loud and proud as a lesbian, which has taken us all aback after she was such a boy-crazy fool in school. We have found that she has changed a number of things since coming out, things about herself including hygiene and outspoken viewpoints, and that has been a topic of many conversations, but I still worried about my best friend's views on the subject as a whole.

I had tried to get her alone for weeks. Her husband manages at a big box store and he has crazy hours. I had it all planned out: I was going to go by Starbucks and bring her her favorite drink, sit her down on the couch at her place, and tell her in the comfort of her own home, answer any questions, and leave. I wanted her to be comfortable and for me to be able to make an escape if she needed processing time. It was genius! I just couldn't get it to work. I kept texting her and asking if her husband was home on random days of the week. It just never worked out until she called me, randomly, late Saturday evening, asking if I wanted to travel to Chattanooga to eat at our favorite restaurant. I had already made up my mind I was telling her at the next opportunity and that opportunity was knocking.

We went, we ate, we started driving home, and she asked me for a second time that evening where I had been on New Year's Eve. The first time she asked me, I just told her I wasn't ready to tell her yet. She found it odd but accepted it. Then she asked me again on the way home. It was time. I was scared and shaking and almost crying but I managed to stumble out something completely inarticulate but that told her in no uncertain terms. She was awesome and barely batted an eye. I do remember saying to her, "If you're smart, you know what is coming." before I told her. And she did. And she told me there was nothing wrong. She told me it was ok. I believe her. And then we talked about dinner and the weather and everything else as if nothing changed.

Because nothing did change. I'm still me. She's still amazing. She just now knows I like guys and not girls, which is a lot less of an issue than we make it out to be.




Now, I have a coffee date scheduled with my sister for next week. I'm not telling my parents and friends will be hand-picked about who knows and who doesn't. But I took the step and it was a lot of buildup for nothing. I hope and pray you find a similar experience in your journey. Don't rush it. Take your time and enjoy the lack of label. It's 2014. Love is Love.

Look for updates in the coming weeks. I'll try to blog my journey a bit here. If you need to talk, message me and I'm happy to be a friend and nonjudgmental ear. You guys all rock!

Love you all,
Andrew

 

Thanks guys.

 

For those following my story, I did manage to stumble out the news to my sister after a long rehearsal the other evening. I met her for very late coffee and basically blathered on and just matter-of-factly laid it out for her. She didn't even bat an eye when I told her. She just smiled and said, "I've been waiting on you to tell me". She went on to say that her fiancee said she wished I would just come out already a few weeks prior. I guess water is wet and obvious is obvious!

All went very well. My sister is a psychologist who deals with several types of therapy and counseling so she is good about knowing how to make someone feel non-judged and to ask the appropriate questions. It's really frustrating, but she's pretty good at what she does and it is a part of who she is so I accept it.

We talked for a bit and she gave her word that she wouldn't talk to our parents about it. I just don't want our parents, who are very conservative (a product of their generation and faith/churching) to know. Things went well and I thank you all for your support and kind words and thoughts. Be well, and I hope to get to know you all more each day!