Today, for the first time, I came out to someone in my grad program! I told my new labmate, who I've known since she started the program last year but just joined my lab. She and I have always gotten along really well and whenever we talk we end up going on these random hilarious tangents. Earlier this week we somehow got on the topic of which same-sex celebrity we'd most like to sleep with. She said Jennifer Lawrence, I said Tom Felton. Today we were working in the lab (yeah I know it's Saturday but such is life when you're a grad student) and somehow that conversation came back up. She said she was really surprised that he was the person I said, and I said, "Well, he's not the only one. I'm bi. So it's a very long list." She was pretty surprised, and kind of touched when I told her she was the first person in the program who knew. We then spent the next 45 minutes talking about other attractive male celebrities and what kinds of guys we like, along with things like whether I like guys or girls more and how I've struggled with self-confidence and self-acceptance. The biggest thing holding me back at this point from just being completely out among my program is that it's a small program and people talk. I have no doubt whatsoever that the reaction I'd get would be positive if I were to come out, but I just don't want to be the subject of gossip and drama. I'll probably end up gradually telling the people I'm closest with first, including the guy who I've had a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge crush on for a year and a half and sets off my gaydar like crazy despite claiming he's straight. And then gradually work my way up to being completely out. But as the proverb says, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and today was that step!!!!!!
That's awesome! It's great when you have those conversations that lead to almost the perfect moment to come out!
I'm very happy for you. Definitely a graduate student's lab becomes kind of like a foster family because of all the time spent with them. I really hope I can get the confidence to come out to my lab as well. Like you mentioned, one hang up is that there is often a lot of gossip among grad students. I don't know any other LGBT people, and most of the students are already married or in LTRs. Luckily, there is this one [straight] guy in my lab who is a year ahead of me who I enjoy talking to, and I know he will be trustworthy.