Hey look, progress.

So, after several false starts over the past couple of months, I finally came out to a good friend of mine tonight. Whoop! It was a needlessly stressful day at work trying to psych myself up, and perhaps a little bit of an awkward beginning of the dinner until I calmed my nerves enough to actually get the words out. Her response was basically "I'm surprised, but mostly because I thought you were gay 6 years ago but managed to get convinced otherwise."

Anyway, it feels really great, actually. Once the "I'm gay" part was out, it all felt very natural, and I think that it will be relatively easy from now on (the family will be a little but tougher, I imagine, but it will probably fine). The most heartening part was a lot of the doubts I was feeling dissipated when I realised how natural it felt. It's the least awkward and closed off I've felt in... yeesh, maybe years.

So, yes. It's better late than never. And it's just one person for now, but at least I'm excited to tell my other friends now than dreading the reaction. I haven't actually posted much here, but maybe I'll have some actual advice to offer rather than just lurk in the shadows of the forum; although the lurking made me get up that courage - so thanks!

 

Thanks! I think perpetual singleness is probably a decent tell. I didn't pry too much into that, because realistically, isn't it good to have friends/family who happen to know you better than you? I think I would have been less prepared for a totally nonchalant, "well, yeah, I figured, so what's the big deal?" I guess there is a happy medium between extreme shock and monocle-dropping, and extreme disinterest, and I think that's what I got.

As for the family, I'm not terribly concerned about their reaction; just basic nerves about sharing big news. I mean, long ago my dad may have been relatively conservative, but my mom has slowly morphed him into a bleeding heart liberal over the years. And their best friends have a gay son, and it makes me glad for them that they have someone to talk to should they need it. Hooray for supportive social networks!

Anyway, moral of the story is, I realise I have it pretty sweet, which, while it's nice, is making me kick myself for waiting until I was freakin' 28, but whatever. I'm feeling decent enough right now that I don't have interest in beating myself up over that anymore. Just have to get the ball rolling faster!

 

I believe that after my shaky, incoherent preamble, my exact words were "I'm pretty sure I'm gay." In hindsight it sounded pretty noncommittal. Yeah, it was hard to say, but I also found it tough to say "I'm gay" out loud to even myself at first and had to mutter it under my breath a lot to get used to it. Anyway, nerves are weird. I had so much of a residual rush after I don't think I got to sleep until close to 3 last night, and my alarm goes off at 6. My next friend is tomorrow, I think the wording will be much less wishy-washy. And I manage to get myself worked up over little things by overthinking them. I imagine I'm going to be a wreck once I actually end up in a relationship!

Thanks, man! Yeah, I have two more good friends to tell that are actually in town, then just the family. I'm hoping my parents come down to the city this weekend so I can just get that out of the way. I'm reasonably close with my parents so it's been hell feeling like I'm increasingly avoiding them. I cant believe how quickly it turns from dread to excitement. And, I guess after that, then its all the many university friends I have that are scattered elsewhere. That part I'm actually looking less forward to, mostly because I have quite a few people I'd like to tell in person, but I don't really want to shell out for a plane ticket to Toronto to do so. Text message? Facebook? Singing telegram?

And now I just want to go watch the Seinfeld with Vandelay Industries. You're in latex, right?

 

Update: two more friends down. Both were unsurprisingly supportive (my friend earlier tonight was actually almost giddy). So, it looks like this is a thing that is happening, and happening quickly.

It seems like the family is next. I'm still hoping to tell my parents this weekend, I think? I may post some thoughts on this elsewhere.

 

Heh... thanks! I too get rather excited when I see other folks in their late 20s, it makes me feel just a little less clueless.

 

Well done, good sir! Indeed it feels great. (Also great, as I discovered tonight: realising that the kebab place you're waiting for food at has men's olympic-style westling on the TV and no longer feeling the need to pretend you're not into it.)

Also, and maybe I'm just unconsciously gravitating towards them, but does there seem to be a large number of Canadians here? Aren't we supposed to be past this and all progressive and whatnot? I'd put the winking face guy in here to signify tone, but he sort of looks like someone just shot him in the eye.

 

I think it's certainly better than it was. I'm actually surprised that the cirriculum down in (insert whatever maritime province here) still doesn't cover that. If things go to plan, and I actually so come out to the parents this weekend, I can find out if they cover it more now since my mom works in my old elementary school. I would like to think that things are a bit more normalised from an earlier age at this point. Or maybe I'm just being optimistic; I do recall that they were trying to introduce a bill in Alberta disturbingly recently that required parental consent for children to be in the room when teachers bring up the fact that gay people are things that happen. Part of me also forgets how quickly things have changed, and how much more conservative it used to be here. I mean, I remember as recently as the late 90's going to public school that still did the lord's prayer in the morning. I'm reasonably certain our high school health classes completely glossed over the idea that gay people existed.

As an aside, I actually rather vividly remember when Canada legalised same-sex marriage and what a big deal it was (I may have actually watched the vote live). It was the summer I was living in Halifax, and Ralph Klein was still Alberta's premier at the time, and there were a bunch of rumours swirling that they were going to invoke the Charter's notwithstanding clause to keep same-sex marriage out of Alberta. But eventually he said they would allow it, "much to [their] chagrin," after I'd tried to convince all of the grad students in the lab that I worked in that Alberta wasn't just a giant monolith of rednecks. Sigh.

 

Heh... I was just debating whether or not to and figured I might spare people the details until I saw this!

So, I ended up inviting myself up to my parents place over the weekend as my dad was leaving work on Thursday, since they were going to be in the city on Saturday, under the guise that I wanted to steal their cable so I could watch the women's curling final (which was also true). I had planned to tell them Saturday night when I was at their place, but we ended up starting to watch the semifinal on replay, so I figured I would wait until the 5th end break... and then they skipped right over the fifth end and I was totally thrown off. Basically I got myself needlessly worked up to the point that I was literally shaking when I came out to them yesterday afternoon. And for nothing, it was pretty anticlimactic. Basically they said, "we aren't surprised, but we aren't not surprised, and we don't really care what you are as long as you're happy."

And actually, it feels really good. I half expected things to be maybe slightly awkward for a little bit afterward, but almost immediately I was back to my regular relationship with them, which after almost 3 and a half months of being tense and evasive is really nice. And I actually feel a lot less uncertain about this whole thing now, and way more like an actual person.

Anyway, my sister is the last sort of planned coming-out event that I have left before I get to the take-it-as-it-comes-up phase, and I'm meeting her for dinner on Thursday. I can't even fathom that it was only two weeks ago that I was still a non-functioning, borderline depressed, nervous wreck.

 

Oh, it was maddening. In hindsight, perhaps I shouldn't have so rigidly planned my timing. But I guess I still ended up coming out during a fifth end break though - just during a different curling game.