Hello!I am new to this site and I read a lot of posts,but I still don't figure what I want.I am very sad and I need help.I haven't come out to anyone yet,but I think it is smart to do so because I'm waisting my life...Even thought to kill myself so I fell down the stairs and didn't got hurt :eusa_doh:.Seems it is destined to be...I'm afraid of reaction from my parents,friends,but I just know I have to do it.I have the lack of self-respect which is not good.I really need help:help: The informations are as following: I am 16,I live with parents in a small city in Serbia. I don't have much friends,except two of my girl friends,and the school mates,because I don't go out... My relationship with parents is very good.They'd do anything for me,but I'm really not sure about them helping me on this one...don't think they would understand it. I hope the informations are useful,hope you will help me...:eusa_pray
First off. Welcome to EC. We're here to help. Advice. There is no rush to label yourself as gay/straight/bi/whatever. You don't get a medal if you figure it out, even thought that would be pretty sweet. So take your time, think things through and let things happen. You'll figure things out soon enough, just don't rush it. Take deep breaths. Next, there's also no rush to come out to the world. Yet again, you don't get a medal when you come out completely. Take your time, figure out who you want to tell. It's your sexuality, it's your business, you make the decision to make it someone else's business. Next, about the parental units. Figure out where they stand on homosexuality, bring it casually, don't make a big deal out of it and they won't suspect a thing. Make a comment about gay marriage or something, and ask how they feel. Building self-esteem/self-respect is something that everyone has trouble with. Find things you're good at whether if it be playing an instrument or knitting hats. Then say "hey, I can do something cool". That'll help build your self-esteem up. Just say positive things about yourself in the mirror. Look yourself dead in the face and say "I can do it. I am [insert positive adjective here] enough to make it through life and be happy." I hope all of this helps. Private message me, if you feel the need. We're here for you (*hug*)
First of all, hi and welcome to EC! As the previous poster indicated, there is no rush in labeling yourself. Figuring out our sexual identity can take a long time. But there is no rush and you should only come out to others when you feel that you are ready. Given that you are not sure how your parents might react or you feel that they might not understand it, it might be better if you wait until you are financially independent. Usually, friends will be more accepting than parents at first. When you are ready to come out to others, try coming out to your friends first. Like this, you can build up a support network that can and will help you with coming out to others including your parents. Having said this, I know it will be difficult as in this part of the world (and in many other parts of the world) a lot of misinformation about homosexuality is still being disseminated. One of my parents is actually from the very same part of the world that you are from. I'm wondering too how will my parents react when I come out to them because I know the kind of thoughts and ideas that have existed there. But keep in mind that in Serbia there are also some GLBT organizations and/or support groups that you could perhaps join that could help you. To which of the larger cities are you closest to? I'm pretty sure that Belgrade and/or Novi Sad have GLBT support groups. Maybe try looking some stuff up on the internet. GLBT support groups can provide you with resources that will be useful down the road. Joining a GLBT group could also help you in building up some self-esteem. So yeah, that might an option that you could look into. I'm sure you are very good at all kinds of things. Try focusing on the things that you like doing and give you motivation. In this way you will also be able to build some self-esteem and self-worth. Hurting yourself is not the answer but talking about your feelings and seeking support is. Think about all the great things in life that you would miss out on. Why would you wanna do that? Think about all your friends and your family. Life is full of hurdles and barriers, but once we over come them we become stronger. We gain a different perspective on life. You will make it! I'm sure you are going to be looking back one day and realize that you have made it. Hope this helps. Again, welcome to EC! Hope you will find it helpful.
Welcome to EC! Asteroid is very right. I have to say that you're first coming is one of or the hardest things to overcome. But over time it should slowly get easier. Just remember, you can come out on your terms and there is no rush.
Welcome! Everybody has already given you some great advice! I just want to tell you that EC is a great place to work out your thoughts and feelings. We're here to help. Please don't ever feel like you can't go on. My son came out in a right-wing fundamentalist Christian family and he is accepted and loved by everyone. He's in a long-term committed relationship with somebody he loves. There is hope. We can help you come out to your parents when you feel the time is right. (*hug*)
Thanks for help,all of you:icon_wink.I came out to my best girl friend yesterday and she took it good,but I'm not sure I did.She supported me and said that nothing could brake our friendship,but I felt so awful.I mean I have yet to tell my parents,to repeat that action from yesterday that shook me really hard.I don't know how will I get over it...Seems I'm not yet ready for all of that.I haven't accepted it myself.I just thought that suicide would be easier way.I won't miss anything.I don't like kids,don't believe in God...sometimes I wonder what's the point of my life...anyways thanks.I won't be here seven days,I'm going to sea with my mom.See you then...maybe
Hi there! Congratulations on taking your first big step. It's great that your friend had such a positive reaction. When it comes to coming out, it is normal to feel a bit awkward afterwards. It is the first time that you have talked about your feelings openly and heard them out loud. It will take a little bit of time to get used to it. But I'm sure that in a few days time you will feel a lot better and perhaps also relieved. When it comes to telling your parents, take your time with it. There is no rush. Start to get to know the new you. It is important that you are comfortable with yourself and that you have accepted yourself for who you are fully before coming out to your parents. Take your time with it. There is no rush. With time, you will accept yourself and become comfortable with it. Life at times seems unfair, and difficult but you know what: You have just proven why life is worth living. You have come out to your best friend who will be- and is there for you. You have taken the first step in being truly yourself. Life can get only better from here. When you feel overcome by feelings of being lonely and you start asking yourself what's the point of life, just keep telling yourself that everything will be okay. Try doing things that you like and that will allow you to concentrate on something else. Talk to your friend about your feelings. I'm sure she would not mind listening to you and help you in the best way that she can. Remind yourself of all the things you want to achieve in life. Think about the things you would like to do later on in life. Think about the great times that you have had with your friends and with your family. There are going to be great times ahead. I'm sure you are going to have a great time at the sea with your mom. Also, look into joining perhaps a group in your area. If Novi Sad or Belgrade are too far for you, you could still call one of the organizations there, and ask them if they could help you in locating a group that is closer to your city or in your city. I'm sure some of the organizations will be able to provide you with information that will help you to locate a group near you. As Becky mentioned, EC will always be here for you. If you ever need to talk feel free to post what ever you need to talk about. We will help you as much as we can. If you prefer to talk in private feel free to pm me at any time. Have a great time at the sea!
Thanks again,I appreciate all you are doing for me,but I came to a position which looks like a dead end.I'm not sure anymore what I want to do in my life.I go to school for a laboratory technician but every time I have to take blood,my hands start shaking like insane.That's probably the lack of self-respect and just because of it I feel totally useless...I'm just not sure about it...The moment I read your reply,memories started to come from nowhere,I think I will never feel that happy now after I changed my life.Nothing will be same...I just hate changes!
Hi! I am sorry if my last reply caused you any pain and/or additional emotional stress. My answer was not intended to cause that, rather what I tried to say and tell you is that when you start having the feelings that there is no purpose in life think about all the good things you have already shared with your friends and your family. Think about the good times. Often that will give us some hope that things are going to be alright in the future and that things can and do change in life. What I am trying to say is that yes you can feel happy in the future as you have in the past and you have already taken a big step towards that happiness. You have come out to a best friend. This will definitely help you in that. With time, you will accept yourself for who you are. With time you will be able to come out to others. Your life has changed but you are still the same person that you were before you came out in that you still do the things that you did before. You will still continue doing the things that you like. You will continue to meet up with your friends. You will continue to go to school. That will not change. What will change are your inner feelings. Feelings about the true you and being honest with yourself. I know it is hard, but you will get there. We all go through this at some stage in our life. But we will make it. Coming out to others and being able to talk about your feelings is a positive change in your life. You have made a giant step forward. You should be proud of that. Life deals us a lot of road blocks and barriers that we have to overcome. But once we are over them, not only will we have learned how to deal with them in the future but we will also have become stronger as a result. Never give up believing in yourself. Never give up on life. With time and with the support of others you will get through this. You are not alone in this. You will find happiness. Road blocks are only temporary that we can overcome. You are absolutely not useless. I'm sure there are lots of things that you are good at. Your hands shaking as a result of taking blood is not an indication of the lack of self-respect. It happens. It might be just something that you need to get used to. You do have a lot of self-respect. I hope this helps!
