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Just Came Out To My Parents The Day Before Yesterday

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Prairie Boi, Jul 2, 2008.

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  1. Prairie Boi

    Prairie Boi
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    Hey everybody

    So, the day before yesterday I sat down with my mom and told her I was gay. I had told my sisters but was apprehensive about telling my parents. The thing is, my parents and I have always been very close. I never had any reason to think they would be disappointed with me or angry, but I kept thinking the worst. I ran through my head over and over the various scenarios: calming them from crying, defending myself against them, screaming and throwing something in anger and then feeling bad for reacting in such a way.

    I had been unusually quiet the whole weekend I was home and people were worried. I don't know. Maybe I was even being a little too dramatic, fishing for someone to ask me so I wouldn't have to. Eventually my mom came into my bedroom and asked me what was wrong. I told her I needed to talk to her. I said, "I think you know what it is." She said, "Maybe I do, but it's okay. What do you want to tell me?" Eventually, I said, "I'm gay, Mom." She said in a very calming voice, "Are you?" I told her yes. She didn't cry or get angry. Instantly she became supportive and listened very intently and lovingly as I told her everything. She said, "How do you know?" I told her because I've always felt this way and know who I'm attracted to." She said, "Why do you think so many people have changed?" I told her that people don't generally change. They manage to find the apparent "strength" to lie to themselves and deny what they want to themselves. She did not argue. After a talk explaining that I wouldn't be acting any different and wasn't going to start wearing a feather boa home she told me that she surprisingly wasn't sad. She'd expected for a few months that I was gay and had accepted it along the way. I gave her some books, a documentary called "For the Bible Tells Me So," and some letters I'd written. She hugged me and said that all she cares about is that I'm happy.

    It's amazing how after you come out, something you've been toiling over for years, it seems like such an unimportant deal (at least for me.) After that we talked for a bit as if we were discussing politics or something. Then we headed over to my grandparents' place and hung out with the relatives. I actually forgot later on in the night what had transpired. It still shocks me how everything just eased over and fizzled away.

    After I flew back home my dad called me early in the morning to say that my mom had given him the letters. He said they had a way to go to understanding and being fully comfortable, but that they were doing fine and wanted to make sure that I was happy. They will always love me and nothing has changed.

    All I want to say is that, though it is different for everybody, the people around you may surprise you. I actually feel somewhat foolish that I ever had even minor worries about how my family would feel about me. Of course they have never given me any reason to doubt their love and are the greatest people I know. Remember this. I can't guarantee it will be as easy for all of you, but it very well may be a million times less painful than you thought. I feel very relaxed and at ease now. I hope this helps any of you who are thinking of coming out.

    For all of you who have already come out, I have a question. Did any of you feel a little uneasy or uncertain after you came out? What I mean is, I spent so many years coming to terms with being gay and toiled over coming out. Now that I have, a new worry has been poking at me. Am I 100% sure? Now that the people I love the most know, I keep second guessing myself. I don't know how I could be wrong, since I've gone through a lot to get here, but did any of you feel this insecurity after coming out? Did you worry, even a fraction of a percentage, that you could be wrong?

    Hope you all find a way to be happy. Please message me if you have any questions about the whole process.

    My best thoughts to everyone.

    Dave
     
    #1 Prairie Boi, Jul 2, 2008
  2. Louise

    Louise
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    You have some wonderful parents there, it is a pity that not more parents can react in this manner. I hope your story will give some people on the brink of coming out the courage they need to take the final step... SOMETIMES it is not nearly as bad as we think it is going to be.
     
    #2 Louise, Jul 3, 2008
  3. sngl

    sngl
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    Well congrats in the first place for coming out!! And you've got awesome parents! :thumbsup:

    And I know what you mean. Sometimes I think about how awful it would be if after I came out to people and argued with some of them and convinced them that you cannot choose/change your sexuality, I would suddenly become straight. Now that would be really unpleasant. :lol: But I don't think it will happen, I have been like this my whole life. I don't worry about it, I just think of it sometimes as a funny but somewhat scary scenario :lol:
     
    #3 sngl, Jul 3, 2008
  4. ltb2511

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    First of all congrats for having the courage to come out and I'm glad that your parents are accepting. I know what you mean about second guessing yourself whether or not you may change sexuality again I've had this worry ever since a friend of mine told my parents for me but I've decided even if it does happen my parents will still support me.
     
    #4 ltb2511, Jul 3, 2008
  5. Psychedelic Bookmarks

    Psychedelic Bookmarks
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    Well done! :grin:

    Yes, I got that insecure feeling too. I suddenly felt like what if I was wrong, and wouldn't I look stupid?? You just have to wait for this feeling to pass and be confident in yourself. If you do realise you're not what you thought, that may be awkward, but it won't be the end of the world. It's better that you're honest about your feelings now. Besides, that probably won't happen, because hardly anybody comes out just on a whim or a hunch. So relax, I don't think that will happen to you :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Psychedelic Bookmarks, Jul 3, 2008
  6. Adrian

    Adrian Guest

    Glad it went OK.

    Also: sorry to be a pedant but the biography on your profile is out of date now!
     
    #6 Adrian, Jul 3, 2008
  7. beckyg

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    Congratulations. That is a great coming out story and one that will inspire others, I'm sure. That DVD you gave your parents is one of the best things I've seen that tackles the topic of religion and homosexuality. I wish more people would see it!
     
    #7 beckyg, Jul 3, 2008
  8. Trumpetplyer23

    Trumpetplyer23
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    Congrats! You have great parents.

    I usually feel relieved, after I come out, but sometimes I've had a queasy feeling. I usually get the queasy feeling right before I come out, so I have to worry about two things. If they'll accept it or not and if I'm going to puke my guts up on them.
     
    #8 Trumpetplyer23, Jul 3, 2008
  9. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    congrats, thats THE biggest step you can take and you've done it. BRAVO. I've struggled with this as well and at my age I still don't think I can manage to go through with it.

    I only wish more people were as understanding as your parents. And once again, congrats on coming out.
     
    #9 BitterEdge, Jul 3, 2008
  10. Astaroth

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    Wow, this a wonderful conclusion to your coming out! Your parents sound like my parents. They're just taking it one step at a time, but nothing has really changed to make them love you less. Make sure to tell them you love THEM too (since some folks aren't as fortunate to have parents that care so much for their children)! As for your doubts, it's probably just a new fear compensating for the lack of old ones. You're afraid that you'll prove them right in some fashion if it's just a phase. You juse need to be confident that you know yourself best and brush off those doubts. They will pass after a while when you become more comfortable being yourself around them.
     
    #10 Astaroth, Jul 3, 2008
  11. Paralyzer

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    I definately agree that people can suprise you. I'd go into detail but that'd be boring.
    And yes, I sometimes have that insecurity, but then I think about vaginas and it goes away... err yeah
     
    #11 Paralyzer, Jul 3, 2008
  12. treksez

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    yea i did i keep just thinking what if im wrong what if i went through all this for nothing ......................i hate playing the "what if" game
     
    #12 treksez, Jul 6, 2008
  13. Sam

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    Congrats! I'm glad it went so well. I'm sure you feel tons better. Most of us build up how its going to be when we come out and usually focus on the negative so its nice when it isn't as bad as what we have built it up to be. Congrats again.

    Sam
     
    #13 Sam, Jul 6, 2008
  14. Blaz

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    Congrats man. . .

    To tell the truth, I'm still in the closet. However, because I've had feelings towards men and women, I know that I am a fluid Bi. . .probably. It just depends on what the moment tells you.
     
    #14 Blaz, Jul 6, 2008
  15. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    CONGRATULATIONS! I am really happy for you :slight_smile:

    I can kind of understand how you might feel a little uneasy - I've had that feeling (on a much minor scale, as after coming out to friends) myself, and it can be very weird. I think also that you shouldn't feel stupid about worrying about coming out - because of the society we live in, and the fact that some people do sometimes react differently than you expect, I think that it's not surprising at all that you're worried (I'm worried myself, even though I think it'll be ok).

    But I'm REALLY REALLY happy for you, and glad that your parents reacted so well :slight_smile:.
     
    #15 ccdd, Jul 7, 2008
  16. TriBi

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    Yay - another good news' story. :slight_smile:

    Congrats (!) (and I totally agree with what Louise said).
     
    #16 TriBi, Jul 7, 2008
  17. acorn7

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    Really great story, I'm so glad it went well.
     
    #17 acorn7, Jul 7, 2008
  18. anonymous12857

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    congrats to u! this is a huge step and your are lucky to have such great parents. a buddy at my work did not have it as good as he got kicked out of his house at 16 years old. and for my situation makes it worse to try and come out. i alwasy thought that when i come out will i think about if i am really gay? but it doesnt change and ur just not used to the fact that people know ur gay. all those years holding it in and not telling everyone. its just a new feeling and its weird i bet.
     
    #18 anonymous12857, Jul 9, 2008
  19. BookWorm

    BookWorm
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    first off i think a great congradualtions is in order and a grand round of applause and finger dance:grin: :eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_danc:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap

    Secnondly you have really great parents who can accept you, or at least want to accept you, and i hope all goes well(*hug*)
     
    #19 BookWorm, Jul 9, 2008
  20. dudethere

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    hey im 13 and was talking to my firend about some sort of guy to guy experinces and he said it sounds like im gay he is tootaly fine with it an a couple of my firneds are to but my moms away and im dieing to tell my dad but im scared i printed of wat u said ill read it when im nervus ty a million :grin:

    -bye Tanner
     
    #20 dudethere, Sep 24, 2008
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